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  #76  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 01:39 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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I agree... find the truth as clearly and precise as possible. The thing is, when were young, our "truth" was not truth at all... even now, as adults, we are challenged by truth. By finding the truth in re-processing the past, we will change our perception because the truth will change history and everything that followed.

I'm not disagreeing with you Kv... I think you see it perfectly clear.... one of those semantics things (which by the way, do matter

Self acceptance is a fine goal... when we can accept who we are, because of what we've been through, we can move beyond self acceptance and possibly enter self-creation.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

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  #77  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 01:42 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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To illustrate your point... I loved the county fairs as a kid... I still love 'em... except for the mosquitos... they suck

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #78  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 01:56 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Hi Fuzzy

Another point on semantics (sorry)... Denial is, as I understand it, to refuse. If your aunt refused to acknowledge your trauma, she was in denial. You, however are not. Maybe at some time in the past you were, but you certainly aren't any longer.

My mother used denial when I told her I was depressed. She's come around, largely because I've avoided putting any blame on her. She can't see the difference between blame and cause.

I was in denial myself for several years.... I knew I had some serious confusion about things, walked around in a daze often, felt guilt I couldn't find cause for... but I wouldn't accept depression.... For me, at that age, was like admitting being a nutcase. I denied the depression but accepted the "confusion." I searched and searched for that one piece of missing information, only to be led to another, and another, and another... Finally I could see how massive this ball of confusion had become.

After denial, there were times of avoidance and distraction. I was working mostly on my own. Too poor to afford a therapist, too confused to explain myself if I did have one.

Repression was a companion to me at times as well. That's how the dragon got so large.

Great to hear from you

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #79  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 02:47 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Oh definately... gut instinct! I'm deeply attuned to my gut.... I even envision it seperate from my mind. I can be thinking of something intellectually when suddenly my gut responds with a loud "No!", or opposite, or shades of grey that cause me to continue a certain line of thought. I dislike having to defend or explain my gut. Especially in business situations. On a personal level, I've become more comfortable explaining "it's my gut feeling" and nothing more, except when the others may say something to insult following this vague, non-logical explanation. I get along better with people who have their own gut feelings. It seems to be a guiding light. I've thought about it some and I think our gut feeling is rationalizations we've made and decided without further debate to be good things. Such as "don't hit old people." Or, "don't rape" and "don't kill." We don't need to rationalize our belief anymore, our "gut" tells us these things are wrong.

My gut is telling me now I am moving in the right direction, even though I don't know each and every step in the path. I trust the guideposts that have chosen to illuminate the next few steps. I believe the answers will present themselves at the apporpriate times, on the level that I am able to deal with them.

Thank you all for humoring me with this... you guys are THE BEST!

Here are the questions.. I eliminated two of the nine questions because of similarity.. so there are 7 total.

1. How did the dragon come to be?
2. How did the dragon grow?
3. What is the dragon about?
4. What does the dragon want?
5. How can we help the dragon?
6. What can we learn from the dragon?
7. How will we re-integrate the dragon?

You may rephrase the questions to fit your definition of the dragon (i.e. inner child; cloud; etc. ) using why and who, etc in place of how and what as appropriate.

My idea was to ask one question at a time, feeding back on each other until the question is understood and answered satisfactorily to ourself. This literally may take weeks, but I'm willing if anyone else is.

Goodnight to all

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #80  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 07:41 AM
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heidu heidu is offline
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September,
I enjoyed reading this post from you and I have to say, you have an impressive writing ability. You have organized your thoughts very well. I think it has alot to do with the fact that you are writing with your mind and heart.
You made some really valid points and have great insight.
This has been a real "thinking" thread and I have to say thanks to Darrel too.
I find the differences in all of us to be very (for lack of a better word right now) cool. We all have or are experencing rough times in life and it's so interesting to read about the different ways people see things. The different interpretations of words and the "real" meaning to them.
That's what I like best about people. If you hang with nice, intelligent, down to earth people you will never stop learning. There is always something new every day. A new way to do things, to look at things. People amaze me.
I am rambling.....
Heidu

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
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  #81  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 11:53 AM
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"the mosquitos... they suck " Re: Avatars Re: Avatars Re: Avatars Re: Avatars Another funny, Darrel! I love word play! lol


<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #82  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 12:28 PM
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Darrel, thanks for the questions. Re: Avatars My intent was to come on and answer as many as I could as well as I could and at some later date, answer them again and see if my perception had changed. However, right now I feel overwhelmed with all the responses. I've been sitting here, for the most part, just staring at the monitor. Re: Avatars So much... uh... so much I don't know... I can't even come up with a word or words... "Revelation"? We seem to be painstakingly peeling off layers of an onion... our own onion... the tissue thin layers... For me, it has even brought tears to my eyes... hmmm.

Darrel, speaking for myself, I am not humoring you. I wholeheartedly welcome your words, your processes, your wisdom... and, of course, those of others, too. That's why I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, I suppose. But I'm willing to stay the course... as long as it takes.

{{{{Darrel}}}} Thanks for letting me join you on your journey. Re: Avatars

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #83  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 12:39 PM
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heatherm heatherm is offline
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WHOA!!!! Re: Avatars 5 pages? Re: Avatars I love this....there are so many emotions flowing through this thread...wonderful. It is becoming a novel that is hard to put down.

Thank you all for sharing and I am going to open myself up a little bit more....I still have a few issues that I keep within myself - not sure yet if I want to but you are all making it much easier.

Re: Avatars
Heather Re: Avatars

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown
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  #84  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 01:57 PM
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"Another point on semantics (sorry)... Denial is, as I understand it, to refuse. If your aunt refused to acknowledge your trauma, she was in denial. You, however are not."

Semantics or not, I agree 100%. To deny is to refuse; in this case, to believe something.

According to Webster: (some "psycho-babble" or terms. I prefer "terms.")

Denial: 1 : refusal to satisfy a request or desire
2 a (1) : refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge) (2) : assertion that an allegation is false b : refusal to acknowledge a person or a thing : DISAVOWAL
3 : the opposing by the defendant of an allegation of the opposite party in a lawsuit
4 : SELF-DENIAL
5 : negation in logic
6 : a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality

Repress: 1 a : to check by or as if by pressure : CURB <injustice was repressed> b : to put down by force : SUBDUE <repress a disturbance>
2 a : to hold in by self-control <repressed a laugh> b : to prevent the natural or normal expression, activity, or development of <repressed her anger>
3 : to exclude from consciousness
4 : to inactivate

Avoidance: 1 : to make legally void : ANNUL <avoid a plea>
2 : obsolete : VOID, EXPEL
3 a : to keep away from : SHUN b : to prevent the occurrence or effectiveness of c : to refrain from
4 : archaic : to depart or withdraw from : LEAVE
synonym see ESCAPE: 1 a : to get away (as by flight) <escaped from prison> b : to issue from confinement <gas is escaping> c : of a plant : to run wild from cultivation
2 : to avoid a threatening evil
transitive senses
1 : to get free of : break away from <escape the jungle> <escape the solar system>
2 : to get or stay out of the way of : AVOID
3 : to fail to be noticed or recallable by <his name escapes me>
4 a : to issue from b : to be uttered involuntarily by
- es·cap·er noun
synonyms ESCAPE, AVOID, EVADE, ELUDE, SHUN (escapism: habitual diversion of the mind to purely imaginative activity or entertainment as an escape from reality or routine)

Oh, jeez... I need a nap!

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #85  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 04:05 PM
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<center>Re: Avatars{{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}Re: Avatars</center>

Thanks for the affirmation, Hun.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #86  
Old Sep 09, 2003, 04:53 PM
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1. How did the (dragon) wounded inner child come to be? Through neglect and abuse, then through mother's wishes to live her life through me; her constant pushing me to be something I wasn't born to be; by expressing her disappointment in me rather than to acknowledge that I was a unique creation that needed to fullfill my own destiny; by negatively and embarassingly comparing me to her sister's children. Also, by various teachers and friends.

2. How did the dragon grow? By the continued displeasure and mistrust of my mother and by my protective mechanisms of rebellion, repression of my frustration and anger, turning my anger against myself (depression), my impression, mistaken or not, that I had no right to voice my feelings and/or injustices done to me. When I did express a desire, it was judged inadequate or stupid, sometimes immoral as in wanting to dance ballet.

3. What is the (dragon) wounded inner child about? A place to store all the bad memories, hurtfull feelings and the desire to become a fully functioning, trusting, believing, authentic "me."

4. What does the (dragon) wounded inner child want? To be validated, to be told she is intelligent, good, trustworthy, moral, pretty and that her wishes, dreams and desires are worthy of accomplishment... even if all she wants is to be a good wife and mother. That, in itself, is a worthy goal. No need for a mile's worth of degrees after my name.

5. How can (we) I help the (dragon) wounded inner child? Taking from "the adult's" experience as a mother, give the same love, affection, validation, reasonable freedoms, reasonable limits, encouragement, freedom to make her own mistakes, validation, encouragment, freedom to explore her own feelings and validate them. Trust, Trust, Trust! Encouragement and Validation! Acknowledgement of her special uniqueness. Protection.

6. What can we learn from the (dragon) wounded child? To recognize her needs as a child and recognize that I still have those needs and that I am capable of meeting those needs myself and not depend on or expect others to meet those needs; I have proven that I was a good mother, a good nurturer and more often than not, a wise teacher. I was and am affectionate, patient (more as I grow older) and always had my children's welfare at the top of my priority list.

7. How will we re-integrate the (dragon) wounded inner child? As she gets most or all of her needs met, her emotional immaturity will grow. (Hopefully the wounds will heal. I believe that we will always have an inner child that, after it's been given what she/he needs, will be able to function in a healthy way.) "The story is unfinished..."


<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #87  
Old Sep 10, 2003, 12:16 AM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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Okay, once again I didn't think that this quite applied to me, and then answers started coming, so I guess it did. I want to try answering the questions too.

1. How did the dragon (cloud to me) come to be?
Abuse and neglect are probably going to be big factors for just about all of us I would guess. My parents never meant to be abusive, but they were psychologically unavailable. They never showed emotion in front of the children. They also denied my individuality. I always had to just be cute and stay out of the way and never bother anyone.

2. How did the dragon grow?
Continued emotional invalidation. As a teenager I was continually told that I was selfish and that my feelings were wrong. Even when my parents weren't around, my younger sister was always there and made sure that if I tried to express myself that everyone knew I was just selfish and wrong.

3. What is the (cloud) about?
It is a screen that covers my feelings so they don't get me into trouble.

4. What does the dragon want?
To be safe, and to be free to feel.

5. How can we help the dragon?
permission to have feelings, emotional validation

6. What can we learn from the dragon?
Misery and pain are intense feelings. Those are the feelings that the cloud knows. Maybe other feelings could be real also. Broaden the range and intensity of emotions.

7. How will we re-integrate the dragon?
Acknowlege feelings and emotions.

That was hard. Thanks. Re: Avatars

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>
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  #88  
Old Sep 10, 2003, 11:45 PM
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<center>{{{{{{{{Rapunzel}}}}}}}}}}</center>

You are so brave! I'm sure that was difficult for you, but it wasn't impossible, was it? Re: Avatars

Would you believe me if I told you feelings are neither good or bad, they just are? It's a fact. My therapist told me that and proved it to me. It's the choices we make about dealing with those feelings.

When you were answering the questions, maybe you felt fear of what the answers might bring up for you. It's pefectly normal and good to feel those feelings. But you went ahead and answered the questions! Re: Avatars Maybe you could try identifying those feelings and say "Yeah! I felt that and I'm still here and fine!"

When I was going through therapy, I found out I didn't know what many feelings I felt were. The therapist gave me a page that had all kinds of expressions on it, just like the little faces we use here. Would you believe that to many of them I answered "anger"? That's all I allowed myself to feel. It's not unusual to not be able to identify feelings. It comes with time. When you shut down one feeling, you have to shut down all the rest. Slowly, they all come back.

Hang in there! We'll all get there with each other's help. Re: Avatars

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #89  
Old Sep 10, 2003, 11:49 PM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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You're right, it has become incredibly long.... maybe we should move it to a new post. If no one else minds, I'll repost under the title for the third question "What is the dragon about?" Then each following question can be a new post for itself, hopefully that will make each reply easier to read... What do you all think?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #90  
Old Sep 10, 2003, 11:52 PM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Thaks for the definitions... I think it's a good addition to the thread and our understanding... I was relieved to see I had the correct interpretations....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #91  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 12:14 AM
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I'm fine with the thread, Darrel. The fact that we can click on the page we want is a bonus, but if you're having a problem with it, go for it. Wouldn't it be confusing if someone started reading this thread and had to find a different one? Just a thought. Just wish there was some way to change the subject line. It's misleading.

What do you think of how Rapunzel and I have answered the questions? Is this what you are doing or do you have another method? Would be nice to see how you are doing it. Re: Avatars

Are you reading "Easy to say, hard to do"? I feel like both threads should be integrated in some way, but I guess not since this one is long and then it would really be hard to follow! lol

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #92  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 01:08 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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((((((((((((( September ))))))))))))))

I'm going to throw some commentary out there, just feedback, I think the right answers to these questions are what is right to us individually and there are no wrong responses. I'd hoped we might be able to make pottery from clay in this exercize... If my opinions don't fit, by all means, ignore them...

Forr some, even abuse is preferred to neglect, at least it is attention of some kind. As children, we are unable to differentiate between abuse and attention. Ignorance (not knowing) and acceptance is complete until there is something to compare our life to. We are taught that this is our role and there are no other choices. When we try to rebel, we recieve the lesson that we are weaker, and stupider than others. We could feel powerless, weak, an object of others use. A self identity is not encouraged.

By repressing anger and self defense, turning it inward, we deny ourself a basic human neccessity of self-expression. We might become destructive towards those things that oppress. This usually turns up the volume on the low self worth record. As observers of our own behaviour, we begin to feel we are not worthy of kindness after we have lashed out irrationally.

We begin to feed the inner distress. Life becomes a cycle. We are atacked for something, or even no reason at all. We rebel, and we are attacked; we withdraw, and repess our anger; we find some form of release, more often than not destructively; we respond to our release mechanism with guilt; we respond to guilt with self-blame; we begin to believe we deserve punishment, even if the occasion is unrelated, our overall feeling is that we should be punished for something.

We might allow this pattern to go unchecked for years. We might begin to feel numb to life, we might attemt suicide, we might run away, we might physically harm ourselves, but the thought of asking for help might not present itself, we might have issues of trust, or we simply don't know where to turn.

Your analogy of unpeeling an onion is accurate. In recreating the circumsatances that created the dragon, we can see the onion's growth. After 5, 10, 15, 20 years of this cycle, we add layers of self-defense. We might learn to turn our feelings off. We might avoid situations where we are vulnerable. We could withdraw to a private sanctuary, real or imagined. We may take to fantasies of delusion, or use alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, kleptomania, (the list goes on and on) to escape the "real" world.

Like the onions layers, our feelings develop layers and as we learn "triggers" we build walls and defenses. We can be very successful in our construction. We might believe we are managing the dragon. It doesn't trigger as easily as it did before. We might believe we are healing, when in effect we've only added another layer of defense. It's harder for us to get at the heart of the problem through all our own defenses.

We attempt to cure ourselves with therapy, medication. We focus on positive things, believing the positive will drown the dragon. We try to unwind the ball of interconnected, interdependant emotions. We discover the complications of our defense system and conflicting maxims. We want to rush full speed to happiness, but fear and memories intervene.

We need to get to the root again. The actions and comprehensions that put us on this inevitable course. We need to expose the misjudgments and give face to the injustices imposed on us.

Child abuse has not gone away, even though we might have escaped it. What we've been through is the smallest percentage of what still happens everday, and worse. The dragon is the product of abuse, not the cause. If we want to redeem our inner worth, as adults, we have the abitly as children we were denied. We can fight back. We can become a voice against the root causes of abuse. What drives people toward abusiveness? Really? Is it alcoholism? Then what drives us to acloholism? Is it stress? What causes stress? The onion concept is transferred from our own personal situation, to the larger picture. We can peel away the layers of cause in our life, our community, our culture. We can work to expose those causes, for they are the real problem. Not your mother, not your mothers mother, but what made them what they were or are. The social, political, economic pressures they felt and reacted to. And their parents, and their parents before them.

Until we look the bastard in the eye, and direct our anger and energy at the cause, our dragons are only appeased. We have our dragon, and the next generation will have it's dragon, as it has always been and always will be. To the best of our ability, we each have a responsibility to heal the dragon, through our own life, and in natural order, the dragons of every man, woman, and child.

I believe mental illness is often a result of a sane response to a crazy world. The world is populated by people, yet, Human Rights are given inadequate esteem by our governments, religions, societies, employers, service organizations, etc... Is it any wonder this global low self esteem has injested itself into our psyche?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #93  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 01:32 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Hi Sept.

I took all my brain cells to respond to you tonite.. I hope I can respond to Rapunzel tomorrow.

I guess I was thing of answer one question per post... but maybe that would have gone too long... what you've done is fine, there really were no rules, and your answers seem very insightful and directed. What works for you is right for you.... and the book is never finished (Can I borrow that Heidu?)

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #94  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 02:34 AM
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You most certainly may, besides I just added a little to a quote from Kv to make that one. I'ts nice to share!!
Heidu

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There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
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  #95  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 03:36 AM
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<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Darrel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

I can tell you worked hard on your response. Thank you so much! I'm not concerned about whether the answers are right or not. We have to trust ourselves to be truthful in order to work through this thing. I kinda thought that you were doing the questions differently; working on the first until the powder had been refined before you added the water that is the second question with it's answer. Most of these questions, I feel I have already answered, just not moved forward. However, your feedback expanded on some issues that wouldn't be a bad idea for me to explore. Maybe in the sifting of the "powder," I'll find some impurities that I wasn't aware of before. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea! Well... not necessarily "like" it, but feel it necessary... pinpoint words, attitudes, feelings that I can confront and clear away with possitive reinforcement from my "adult."

Are my metaphores making sense to you? Do they fit in with what you had planned, keeping in mind that our experiences and issues may not be the same.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #96  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 09:07 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Oh yeah... the metaphors help me imagine what the process in another example would be and then transfer that process to my processes... another beautiful thing about metaphors is they can usually be understood and applied by many. I have a friend who's a song writer. He taught me that taking the personal out of a song and leaving the general expands the audience... metaphors do the same thing... use them freely

I need to get back to sleep now.. more later.... Have a great one

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #97  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 10:09 AM
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"He taught me that taking the personal out of a song and leaving the general expands the audience"

hehehe Was that a subtle hint, {{{{Darrel}}}}? Re: Avatars Re: Avatars I see we have yet to see anything very personal from you. hehehe Just giving you a hard time. LOL

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #98  
Old Sep 11, 2003, 04:49 PM
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I know that I have more to write on this topic, but I don't have enough brain cells to do it right now either. One of my classes is "Abuse and Neglect" and it's going to make me confront some issues that I haven't before. Today I had to write a paper about bullying, and that made me realize how much being bullied when I was a child has had an impact on my life too. If anyone would like to read my paper, let me know and I would be happy to send it to you (probably by e-mail). I would really like feedback on it. It's turned in already, but all I get is a grade. The teacher doesn't really comment.

What you wrote to September had some excellent points in it. I'm seeing a lot of similarity between a lot of our (collective) thoughts on this thread. I'll probably elaborate on that later too.

Looking forward with great interest to your reply to my answers. Re: Avatars

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
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  #99  
Old Sep 12, 2003, 12:44 AM
nowheretorun nowheretorun is offline
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Hi Rapunzel Thank you for your input on this thread. Like you, part of the reason I went to college was to learn about what has created my own dragon and what ways I might be able to use that knowledge to heal myself and the circumstances which created my depression. Your next class definately sounds applicable and the opportunity large to expand your understanding and responses to your past. I think it's great you're doing this, for yourself, and your children, and like Sept., performing emotional alchemy on yourself. I believe writing a book is a great goal and I wish you luck and offer my support.

I'm not sure I can offer any insights on your answers, but I will respond with sincerity and hope there is something within you find usable.

Validation of emotions has always been a huge issue for me also. I would search for people who could identify my feelings so I could confirm I was not a psychological mutant. Just one person who said I understand, I don't blame you, you're not wrong to feel this way would have made so much difference. Instead, I felt like it was only me who was missing the point, like there was a great secret everyone knew but me.

The dynamics in a family relationship are truly interesting, and yes, can be devastating. Siblings often struggle for attention and place, and don't possess the compassion and empathy that misfortune teaches so well. When we're still involved in that struggle, a weaker / dominant relationship develops. It happens in adut relationships as well. Those who "win" the dominant role proscribe to the essentiality of the struggle. They have not been granted the lesson of compassion. Their lesson is to fight for what there is available. Life to them can be takers, and losers. The parents may even encourage this form of "success" and attempt to motivate the less dominant child to increase their competitive character. The underlying statement is "others deserve to lose what they cannot protect." Are we raising children to be aggressive to a point of anti-socialism, and labeling it the socially acceptable terms of opportunistic, achieving, and successful?

I have a question. Is your sister older? What is her physical appearance in comparison to yours? If you are the second child, your parents may have compared you to her. As an older child, she would have developed in advance of you. Able to perfrom smaller tasks and help mom and dad, and therefore more useful. She may have been assigned the role of taking care of you, getting you dressed, tying your shoes. This responsibility would have made her feel superior. Timing can make so much difference in our lives. We hardly take time to consider it's importance. How different it might have been if you were born first and the roles reversed (assuming you are the younger).

If she was physically more attractive, that also has an impact on how your parents might treat her, even unintentionally. Their friends and nieghbors might have commented how cute and lovely she was, and having used their limited vocabulary on her, there was little left to validate you. Uncounciously, your parents would respond to the positive statements made in reference to your sister. Have you ever looked at something, maybe a car, or a horse, or a dog, and seen just that, a car, a horse, or a dog. If someone comments that it is a noice car, or an ugly car, did you re-evaluate your perceptions? Would you have the car a second look if they hadn't said anything? When you see that type of car again, what are you reminded of? Does the statement "what a nice car" come to mind? Unconciously we do the same with people.

It was important to your sisters self-identity that you stay in your lower place, just as it was important to your school-mates. Keeping you locked in lowest position prevented anyone else from being demoted to that role.

It's understandable that you created a screen to mask the very real cruelties you endured. And why not? What other escapes were available to you? Even if you built the inner belief in yourself, those in your environment would make extra effort to put you back where you "belonged."

Your cloud may have become a safe place. You could make the rules there, you were welcome there, you could disclude any one else from entering. I think we are all born with a capacity for love in a quanitifed amount that may grow lager, or lessor as we grow older. At your age your love needs were not met. A pressure to have the love returned to you caused the inner disappointments to create a space capable of providing you the comfort you needed. The place was of adequate size to fulill your needs at the time it was created. Life did not ease and the space may have become inadequate, and in it's confinement, the cloud burst from it's place and affected your concience more and more.

We must recognize the cloud / dragon is demading retribution. Not from us, but through us. Giving permission for the cloud to exist is a first step in healing it's wounds. We don't look at a physical wound and try to cure it by hiding it. We examine the depth and the severity. We determine what treatment or ointments are needed. We apply those ointments and we attend to it's progress.

Misery and pain are emotions we would rather avoid. Like the physical wound, we must examine them. We need to know the depth and the scope before they can be treated. Like the physical wound, maybe we were careless and put ourselves in a dangerous circumstance, or maybe, someone elses carelessness caused the wound. We need to learn the cause, not just treat the problem. With this knowledge, we can learn how to avoid recurrance, and also teach the lesson to our children and others.

In this way, the cloud is redeemed. It's gift of knowledge and love has been recieved and enacted. We can release the misery when we've gleaned the most from the clouds lesson. We can and should feel a sense of reward. The misery has been transformed to wisdom. Wisdom we should share and lend to all. The experience has gone full circle. Without discovering the clouds message and purpose, we are doomed to suffer it's wrath. We are prevented from becoming fully functional individuals, and because of our non-development, the global community suffers as well. We've failed in our purpose to humanity.

Some people say there are two kinds of people on earth. Winners, and losers. We "losers" have a valuable lesson to impart. If we can rise above our defeats, our lesson for the world is of compassion. As we watch the world continue to spin, controlled by the opportunistic achievers, we watch as every living and non-living thing in their path is not safe from extinction. I feel it is our responsibility to learn our lesson from the dragon / cloud / inner child, and exert our voice of compassion for humanity, nature, peace, and honor of the individual.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius
  #100  
Old Sep 12, 2003, 01:06 AM
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SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
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ooooo-weeeee! (sigh!) A couple of times, I thought you'd lost me but no... I caught right up again! Re: Avatars

My child is pouting because you've found a couple of her secrets. No doubt I'm gonna have strange dreams tonight, but they always reveal secrets to me or help me work things out.

More tomorrow.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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