[ltlredvett]

Well, I just got my first "icey stare" at work. One of my ex girl friend's friends that works at my place of business. Ran into her in the hall and the look she gave me cut through me like a knife. I mean my God, I am getting help for my illness and trying to get better then something like that happens to me. I wanted to crawl into a hole.

I would really rather not look for another job right now with everything else going on in my life. But, I don't know how I can stay at my place of business. It is sooo ahrd to get jobs in my line of work as the number of positions is very limited. And I can't leave town because of my kids.

I know that there was no maicious intent on the part of my girlfriend sharing our story. But the impact of people at work knowing is far too great on me. The stress is unbearable. I really wish that my ex girlfriend hadn't done that.

I mean I know I did wrong. I am so guilty, so ashamed... so remorseful. If it isn't bad enough that I face the loss of a relationship, the loneliness now I have to face these "Icey stares" at work. There is no escaping it. I am physically ill... trying to figure out how to manage this stress on top of getting better.

[kvinneakt]

I have no clue what the story is you are talking about, but do have too much experience with evil office gossip. You know what? They will yak and get bored and move on to a new topic before the month is over.

If it gets way out of hand, you could make a complaint of harassment.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[ltlredvett]

I won't make any comnplaints, taht would only make matters worse. And an "icey stare" is tough to justify as harrassment. I am just going to have to come up with another plan. I sure as hell can't deal with this every day.

[Dias]

sorry to hear that

[heidu]

Like Kv said, it will be old news soon enough. You just have to wait for someone else to screw up so they have someone else to focus on.
Office gossip....I was pregnant once...or so I was told by a friend of mine who was told by someone else at work. You would think I would've been the first to know on that one huh?

The other one was I was getting divorced. I had only been married a couple months and things were fine then.

If they can't find something true they will make something up and if they can find some fact they will blow it way out of proportion anyway.

Just try to smile and go about your day. It's all you can do. It will pass.
Heidu

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~ Carl Bard ~

[ltlredvett]

Others that I have spoken to have suggested my ex girl friend told these people purposely as to affect my credibility / respect at work. This actually would make sense because she threatened that before when she was angry with me. At the time I shrugged it off as just her being upset, now I think that perhaps she just likes to get even.

And, while I don't have much to do with them it is more than a bit disconcerting as I report to the company president. Its a small place and all that needs to happen is one little "slip" and I am toast. You know how much people LOVE a secret, especially a juicy one. I am not trying to make a bigger deal out of this thatn what it is, however it is more than a bit unsettling.

[Fuzzybear]

Some people HATE secrets - me for example

Thanks for your reply to my thread

~Fuzzy

[LMo]

LRV:
That sucks. As if you need any more stress right now (NOT!).

Okay, you have no control over whether people talk about you or not. But you do have control over what they can monitor from now onward. If you think that she has enough information and is witchy enough to spread rumors about you, and if you think your boss might pay attention, then you have got to make sure you give them NO reason to believe her. Clean off your computer (favorites, history, URL history) if you use it for anything personal, including accessing this forum. DO NOT access this forum while you are at work, no matter how tempting it is (aint THIS the pot calling the kettle black! Ha! I should follow my own advice!). Be a stellar employee at all times, and stay unemotional, no matter what. If anyone confronts you with the rumor, say "I have no idea what she is talking about" and refuse to engage in any further discussion of it. The rumor has nothing to do with you and work, so they can't fire you for knowing your personal secrets. If your boss respects your work (which I'm assuming he does, otherwise you wouldn't be reporting directly to him), then he's not going to lose a good employee to a rumor about your personal life. I don't know if you live in a "for cause" state or not, but it's pretty hard to fire someone without cause regardless. So stay clean, be an angel, and the rumor spreader will just make herself look bad.

DO NOT REACT TO HER - JUST IGNORE HER.

That's what I'd try to do, anyway.

Control the physically ill - you can't control what's happening. You can only control your reaction.

Thinking of you,
Your friend,
Veteran LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[LMo]

I haven't tried this, but here's a link to a utility you can download to clear your URLs:
http://www.hot4download.com/Internet...leaner_225.htm

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[bptoo]

Hey Vett, I think LMo and I were reading the same handbook here. Your best offense is a good defense. Don't let the friend know that her stare or look has affected you in any way. Go about your business, do your job, be professional. And if anyone tries to bring the situation between you and your ex into the workplace...well, that's a can of worms they don't even want to open. You'll get thru this Vett, it may be one painful step at a time at first, but I have a feeling that deep down inside beats the heart of a survivor.

There are three sure things in this life, death, taxes, and time heals all wounds.

The next time this "friend" passes you at work and gives you the death stare (yes, I've seen them before), tell her I said hello and I hope she has a really great day. It'll turn that frown upside down....not!

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to work."

[kvinneakt]

I had a different situation, but the story might be of some use.

A female co-worker who was totally nuts was telling others that I had been making life-threatening phone calls to her at her home. (You just have to take my word for it this was 100% bogus and unprovoked. I think she was seeking attention and my name was convenient.)

This became quite a topic and a few people thought I must be doing something horrible. The rumor mill caused me quite a bit of stress.

I let it be known to the office that I had employed an attorney to investigate and sue her or anyone who participated in this slander, even by simply repeating it. This was bogus, I had not even called an attorney. I just thought it sounded good to say so.

The word got around the office very fast and the problem was fixed in hours.

Bumper sticker: Wherever you go, there you are

[PlanningtoLive]

LMo, here is a site that I completely recommend......

www.webroot.com they have a trial version of Window Washer and Popup and other stuff that works. I have purchased things from them and they are very good.

Just throwing in my nickel (inflation you know) lol

Mary Alice

[ltlredvett]

I want to thank all of you for your response and concern. And I must say you are all so very wonderful and non judegemental and that has helped me so very much. Thank you.

I am extremely worried about reprocussions at work, that would do me in. But beyond any official reprocussions it is just very difficult for me emotionally to deal with this. I have always been so weel liked and respected at work. I think I am having even more of a problem dealing with my own feelings. First time in my life I was really scorned by someone that I really only know casually. Pretty tough to take.

Really has thrown me for a loop. Trying my best to hang in there and recover. But I must admit not doing all that well with it.

[Peanut61]

That's the thing, Vett, is that you really don't know what that other person is thinking, (trying to mind-read is one of the CBT no-no's)...I mean, the woman might be severely constipated ya know...?

Hang in there, Vett, and do try not to overreact, (even though I probably would do the same thing and would expect to get this advise also ). Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[ltlredvett]

I am trying my best to get through this very difficult time in my life and you all have been so very helpful. My therapist recommended a support group and I am going there tonight for the first time. I am a little nervous about it, but I know its an importnat part of me getting better.

My biggest problem now is that even with everything that has happened I still am having a hard time, very hard time, missing my ex girl friend. I still have her picture on my desk, and over my TV at home... I think about her all the time. Not sure if that is really healthy but I can't help it. And, I can't even admit to my kids that this relationship is over. I am so fearful of what they are going to think of me after two divorces and now this relationship over.... sigh...

[LMo]

no, not healthy... but I understand... it's hard to let go when you love somebody

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[ltlredvett]

Thanks LMo, I guess the reality is that had I met this woman at a different time... I mean when we were both ready for a erlationship and healthy it could of been beautiful. And, admittedly the other thing is that she was the best friend I ever had, tough not having that.

[LMo]

Yeah, well, can't be helped at this point. KKKEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[ltlredvett]

LMo... thanks, you always manage to bring a smile to my face....

[LMo]

But dude, your little hoppin' avatar is making me dizzy - maybe you're already starting to think about a new one? I can send you some nice Southpark gifs!

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[ltlredvett]

LMo, you don't like my Little Red Dancing guy? Hmmmmm. Sorry but Southpark isn't my style..... but I guess I could use a change.

[LMo]

I like him! But he has soooo much energy, makes me feel like a lazy slug. Maybe if he could sit down calmly for a little while...

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[ltlredvett]

LMo... all right I'll bag the Little Red Dancing Guy... time for a change anyway. Weird that I chose this one though as the watching the Yankees was something that my ex girlfriend and I did together... sigh.

You know what's weird? I spent some time actually writing down things that happened to me ove the past 7 years. I have gone through 2 divorces, lost 2 other relationships, had 5 jobs (laid off once/fired twice/left once on myown), had my home foreclosed, car repossessed, been to four therapists, one psychiatrist, hospitalized once. Amazing when I wrote it all down. Not just what I have been through but how long it has been. I realize how much I missed with my kids. How selfish I was. How self destrutive I have been over that time. And how much I have been spinning my wheels. Not really accomplishing anything or moving forward. I hung in there through the hardest of times for my kids. I honestly don't know how much more I can't do this. I really don't.

[geekgirl]

vett... sounds like you need a (((hug))) or two.

You know... it seems like when it rains it pours in our lives. The past two years I've gone through a lot too. Fire in my house, busted water pump (on well), separation, divorce, kids going to college, move, financial diaster, possible forelosure now. It sucks royally and when things happen like that beyond our control, life just isn't any fun.

Take stock of yourself. Now that you inventoried everything that happened to you over these years... inventory what you like about yourself, stuff you have to work with NOW. I'll bet there's a lot.

[LMo]

Hello my little Vetty:
Yep! You've been through a lot, all right!
Your next mission, if you choose to accept it, is to start a new topic in this here forum and list all the GOOD things that have happened to you in the past 7 years. I wanna see that list. I'll add mine if you start it. I think there's a dark cloud passing over all of us this week and we need some cheering up. So it's up to you! We're counting on you!

LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!