[akshayag]

its almost been a year since my break up, but i still find a way to be depressed everyday. my ex has moved on long time ago and she is happy now (i could see that from her facebook pics with new bf). i want to be happy for her, and i am, but i just simply can't get over the fact that i lost her, that she is no longer mine and i never had control of her life. i did see a therapist few months ago fresh after the break up, but haven't done anything for past few months. have had some suicidal thoughts lately, so i have decided to start therapy again. i don't know why i can't get this simple thing thru my thick dumb head that she is not everything in life.. at times i have hard time to comprehend my thoughts or trouble speaking to people. i have also had times when i question what is wrong with me. wish there was a way to just erase all my memories. i would give anything to not remember anything and start fresh.

[lost_inthecrowd]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your last relationship. It's best if you find yourself needing to look at her facebook to resist!!! It will only be a bad reminder. Take the time out for yourself and keep your head above water by surrounding yourself with good family and friends All the best to you!

[angie2716]

I'm sorry your going through this. I know its hard. You loved her and its not easy just letting go when you love someone. I understand what you are going through. Just try not to look at her facebook. I know its easier said than done. Just know that we are here for you and if you ever need to talk you can pm me. I wish you the best of luck dealing with this!

[akshayag]

thank you for your replies, i have to get thru this. i just hate the ups and downs, been mostly down lately. and me behaving this way affets my friends and family, and knowing that i m doing this to them, makes me even more depressed. sometimes ending all of this for once in for all sounds soo much better. but i know thats not the right thing. i was able to get an appnt with my therapist, but its not for another 2 weeks. also i don't know if the therapist can even help me. everyone keeps telling me "oh its a chemical imbalance and antideps and theraphy will help you" but i don't think they can. but right now i don't have any choice but to try any thing that comes my way to get out of this.

[englishteacher]

Even though your brain is telling you that meds and therapy won't help - that's the depression speaking. Meds and therapy won't make everything all better over night, but they work for a lot of us. For me, the meds lift the fog and make everything seem more manageable. I'm not always happy on meds, but at least I don't sit in my room in the dark and cry. Keep trying...don't give up. BIG HUG!

[akshayag]

thanks you ms. i appreciate your reply. everyone in my life is very very supportive. but i dunno, it feels like i am taking them for granted. i don't talk to no one, friends/family, just keep to myself and my brain. im not a stubborn person in general, but when it comes to this type of thing i m very stubborn. the thoughts of my ex just won't leave my head, no matter how much i try. i have tried every distraction i can, i bought a ps3, bought a new motorcyle, started studying for gmats, went to nyc trip, made new freinds, you name it. all these things distracted me for a lil bit, but then its back to same ol, same ol.

even today, i know that she has a new bf, but i am worried about her still. i wanna know if she is happy or not, if this guy is for real or just playing around with her. i don't know why i still care about her soo much, after all that she did to me. i guess i am a weak emotional person, and i hate it. wish there was a way to make all my emotions go away.

i am gonna stop rambling now, i also apologize for it. its just that i don't really say anything to anyone i know, and writing it out here, eases my mind, and gives me hope. thank you.

[akshayag]

wish there was a way to make all of this just go away..

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((akshayag))))

I am glad you are here and I am glad that you posted. It has not been a year yet, give yourself time. I know how hard it is after 18 years of marriage I did not get over it over night. Things will get better with time. Try to breathe and I am glad that you made an appointment with your t. I know that you do not think that meds will help, but give it time as it takes them time to get in your body and start to work.

I hope you will be very open in therapy. Let yourself feel it and release those things you are feeling. You have a right to what you feel and to be heard. Know that we are listening and are here for you while you wait to see your t. They will know how to help and guide you. I know it hurts and I validate what you are feeling.

You said you wish there was a way to make your emotions go away. I think many of us have felt that way many times. I did not think one could cry so many tears but they are still falling. Feeling your emotions so that you can deal with them and put them where they need to go will help. For if you do not deal with them and just stuff them away, they will end up coming back and many times they seem to come back stronger almost as if saying, you are going to look at me.

I know you feel really bad and I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Please know that we are here and listening. You are not alone even though it feels that way. I hope you will keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. Sending gentle hugs.

dps

[akshayag]

i hope everyone had a good weekend. i know i didn't...

so sat i was really down, and i had no one to talk to, so i called the suicide hotline, cuz i was scared and million things were going thru my mind. the hotline ended up sending cops to my house (they tracked my cell phone) they took me to psychatric ward and held me there overnight. i was soo mad at the hotline, it was soo decieving. its not like i was threatening or anything. i mean i know they were only trying to help, but it didnt feel good staying at the ward. but i would have to say it kinda opend my eyes to the situation. there were some really troubled people there, was kinda scary...

i m soo desperately waiting for my appnt with my T. its not for another week and half, but i m looking fwd to it soomuch.