Hello Fellow Depressives

Thinking of you Sis.

Our Sisterly Love
________________

Thinking of you as I often do,
Wondering if you really know how much I miss you?
Knowing we are miles a part,
Just breaks my heart;

But knowing you're only a phone call away,
Can really brighten a lonely day;
You're not just my sister,
You've always been my best friend;

When ever we had a heart to heart,
We never had to pretend,
No matter what I had to say or what was wrong,
You would talk to me so I would be strong;

Even though we didn't always see eye to eye,
And we didn't I would cry,
But no matter what I will always love you,
Until the day I die;

Just remember no one has a sisterly love like we do!

That's beautiful Bobbi.... your poem and the bond you share with your sister. Precious gifts. I hope you sent it to her.

A wonderful tribute to what the two of you share, Bobbi.

No not yet, I just wrote it.

Hey Byz, OMG I just look it this, lol sorry I missed it. LOVED IT. The First Edition. Boy I remember those days, the music I mean. Thank you for this. Great tune.

Changing the last line.

JUST REMEMBER NO ONE HAS A SISTERLY LOVE LIKE YOU AND I!

Well my dear friends,

Sorry for not being around, my computer crashed. The power source died from all this heat, but the dang thing has been nothing but trouble since I got it 3 yrs ago.
So I went back to my old faithful, had to do alot of updates and reset security, and all that goes with the trouble of getting a new computer. But I'm back!

Things haven't changed much, except I've been bouncing back and forth with my emotions. Boy that is not pleaseant, my mood can changes in a split second. One minute I'm laughing and the next, I'm annoyed and yelling. What's up with that??

I think my harmones are all out of wak! Been almost a yr now since I stopped menestrating. I'm glad about it but these mood swings are really tuff to deal with.
Who ever made up that saying about the GOLDEN YEARS must have been a man,

Guess it's time to go back to GYN and see what's up. Ugh, another doctor.

Question: Why does life seem to kick you hardest when your already down?

Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I can't even wish to go back to a different time in my life, now that's sad! Come on bobbi you can do this, get it together and get off your butt and just do what you need to do. Turn the Sterio on, turn up the volume and get to work.

Sorry, just thinking out loud. These are some of the thoughts that run through my head.

Another thought, can someone explain the difference betweem a Bi-polor depression and a clinical depression? I'm always depressed, but have moments, just moments of clearity, and get kinda ambusious, that's when things get done. Wish I had more moments like that.
Dear...oh dear...I'm just rambling on and on.
TTYS

Thinking of you.

Hi Bobbi, glad you are back. Sounds like full on menopause is underway. Yes it does add to the havoc of mood swings and a few other unpleasantries. It does pass.

From what I understand clinical depression is an on going state of depression with some breaks of 'normal'. Bi-polar depression involves periods of mania. Mania comes in many forms but it usually involves a degree of hyper euphoria, grandiousity, hyper energy, some loss of inhibitions, recklessness, racing thoughts... those kinds of symptoms. Its the opposite of depression. It can last for a few hours or a few days. It may or may not include psychotic episodes. It can switch rapidly or slowly. The degree and intensity defines the type of bi polar.

You should talk to your doctor about your symptoms to get a determination of what your mood swings are about.

I think it feels like life kicks when we are down because we are already bruised so the kick hurts a little more. Life kicks sometimes. We survive by kicking back. We thrive by kicking higher.

I think sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit nor enough rewards for staying standing. We wait until we are down before we acknowledge our feelings or discover our needs. Its a strange kind of self abuse really. Ask yourself everyday what can I do today to honour myself and make this the best day it can be for me.

I think if we did then we would be less inclined to perform to earn validity and we would more authentic with ourselves and others. There is much to be said for being authentic. We too often let a boat load of shoulds steer our lives. It takes practise to listen to and fullfill our needs.

My dearest Sanity,

Thank you so much. Your comments always seem to help. Your intelligence and thoughtfulness go a long way with me. Your words of wisedom are poetic. Although I have no degrees, I do have the wisedom living with this dredful condition most of my life.
So I try to live my life by the golden rule. I try very hard to treat people the way I would like to be treated, but it can be destressing when you realize that the average person can be very hurtful without even trying. I bit backwards don't you think. Life and the world would be a much nicer place if we all lived that way.

I know how hurtful and painful peoples actions, and words can be. Especially when those people are ones, you know, or love, or a part of your family. Trust and respect are hard ones for me, because I've been hurt so much by the ones that I have trusted, respected, and loved.
Respecting myself and trusting myself are very hard. But I am trying. For reasons unknown to me I am good at giving advise, but trying to follow my own advise is very difficult. The self doubt and fear still to this day are holding me back.

You mentioned being your authentic self. Boy, you said a mouthful. How in the world do we get through all the bull, how do we know what our true self is? I believe that this a very long journey that I would have to take alone, which I'm not very good at either. (being alone)
I wish that you and I lived closer to each other, I really believe that we would be great friends. Not saying your not now. You know what I mean. Words can only give so much comfort. There is nothing like actually being able to touch the people who have come to mean so much to you.
Well dear one, I have rambled on enough. Going for now, TTYS

Byz or Sanity, question for you.
Is this in the wright forum, I just realized that maybe it should be some place else. You 2 seem to be the only ones that respond to it. Not that I mind, but I just want to follow the rules. Plus maybe our conversations would help some else. So if it should be in another forum please let know, and how to move it. I don't feel that I am a brandnew member any longer.

I also just noticed that I'm a super poster. lol What does that mean?? I like talking about myself, lol

I think so too Bobbi. You and I could be the best of friends in real life if we lived close to each other. Its nice to know you here but it would be even nicer to know you in person. I appreciate your life wisdom too.

I know what you mean about living by the golden rule yet feeling the only one some times. Perhaps that speaks to some hypersensitivity we have that others don't. Maybe we feel more or take things more personally then the average person. It has often puzzled me. Sometimes through hurt tears or angry lonliness. Either way it often makes me feel an alien in the world.

Same with the self love and respect. It seems hard to come by. It seems something life can beat out of us if we don't fight back. I am like you. I give better advice then I take into myself. It is easier to see what another should do then it is to see or do what is best for me. Martyrdom seems to come easy to me. lol.

I think being authentic is all about self love that in its turn breeds a self knowing that is expressed with a kind of self confidence. Being comfortable and content with your own company goes with it. I am good alone. In fact I think I am better alone then with people for too long at a time. Many have noted that I am 'jealous' for my time.

I like being alone. I like having time to myself, control of my own time. I think that is why I have never been very good in a relationship. I feel so crowded and controlled. I feel like I am always doing for the other and denying time to do for myself or be by myself.

My ex says that about me. He never understood my need for alone time. I never understood his need for a constant companion. Even while he was visiting the last few days when evening would roll around I would retreat to my room where I would write and watch my own tv or read or come online or work on a project or just be with my own thoughts. He would be left alone in the living room to watch tv by himself since our son was usually online playing games with his friends. My ex made a few comments about it but my days of doing for him all the time are over so I didn't change my ways and deny my need for private time just to make him happy. I figured I had been doing for him all during the day so I deserved and took my own time when I could.

I think that is where the habit of staying up later and later came from. When the rest of the house would sleep I would get to enjoy my private time. I spent most of my teenage years alone. My siblings and father had moved out when I was 14 leaving me and my mom at home. My mom was in the hospital more then she was home so I was there alone a lot. Even when she was home she would be passed out from her medications more than not. I never wanted people over and I couldn't leave her alone so I just kept busy doing my own thing. Even when she wasn't there I preferred my own company to that of friends. I was very social at school but home was my private space. I am the same now. I will often not answer the door or even the phone if I don't feel like seeing or talking with anyone.

See we have the gift of gab in common too. lol. You are easy to ramble on with. Take care.

Aren't those labels goofy? They click in based on the number of posts. I think someone was on drugs when they came up with them. They bugged me for a while but now I ignore them. I can get irritated by the oddest things.

Now that you mention it I notice this is in the Intro forum. Maybe you hold the record now for the longest new member intro thread. lol. Congrats!! lol. It proves you are no longer a brand new poster. You are a super poster.

I don't think you can move a thread yourself. A moderator would have to do that. You could request it get moved to another forum if you wanted. I doubt you are breaking any rule. Hard to say why others don't chime in. I think when that happens that it maybe because people might think they have missed too much to jump in once they see a thread go over so many pages. Hard to say. Perhaps you just need to start new threads more often to get more people's attention and input.

There is a place for poetry. You might want to repost your poem to your sister there.

I cannot recall a single super that I have posted.

Not only have you been declared a super poster but you are a wise elder to boot. I am but a poohbah whatever that is suppose to mean. I can't for the life of me figure out what value that kind of labeling brings to the community. I think they do more harm then good actually but I am just in the kind of mood today to make issue of nothing.

Oh I have subscribed to the creative corner, I have a few peices there.

I don't understand

play on words Bobbi... super poster... posting supers.... get it? lol

OOOOOOOOO, ok I get it. Not always to brite, lol

Looking forward to some alone time this weekend, the olman, going away. Boy do I need this. It's gotten so I can't stand to be in the same room with him. Not that he is doing anything, I'm just sick of him and his all consuming attitude, it's always about him and what he wants, his things (just stuff), his house, his dogs. Just sick of it. Tired of his belittling remarks, and then turns around and tries to make a joke out of it. He's not funny!! His lack of empathy, his all around narcassim.

Because he will be on vacation for the next week, which means I'm going to have to tolerate him til he goes back to his normal routine. God give me strengh! He picks on me constantly, and it just annoys the h--- out of me. To the point where I get angry. Which can really set him back sometimes, cause I'm not usually like that. But I can feel it coming, I'm reach my breaking point. I'm so affraid of letting this monstrious rage out. I don't really know what it is capable of and whether or not I can control it. And that is what scares me.

So wish me luck, and pray for me to be strong!
TTYS,

((((( Bobbi )))))

Good luck. You are in my thoughts.

((((Bobbi)))))

I remember how good those weekends without him around feel. Decompression weekends. When won't just a weekend be enough? You sound pretty close to needing more then weekend breaks. They sound few and far between.

When tempers flare trouble follows. If your rage is growing then you become a bomb. You have to take yourself out of the equation if the rage is that intense.

Some weekend alone time to consider your options is timely.

Treat yourself well so you can see your options. Start to see how you can change your circumstances.

Stay safe and keep others safe.

You do have options.

So true Sanity, but it was short lived. He came home around 5pm, uuuhhhgggggg! OH NOOOOOOO. I really didn't get much time to myself at all. Although I know what you say is true, I eas thinking along those lines myself. Getting away for awhile, but I really have no quick solutions.

So far he's been leaving me alone, he's actually sleeping wright now. I can't even be here when he's around because he always wants to know what I'm doing. He gets upset when I close the bathroom door, when using it!! OMG can't I even take a p--- in private??

I just feel like I'm being sufficated. But this heat is a big problem for me, can't stay in the sun to long, nor the heat, I get heat stroke easily. So I'm stuck in the house, alot.

I just need to find some where to go for some down time, before I have no choice about it,(meaning Hospital). Anyway I am coping for the moment. About all I can do for now.

BIG HUG

Bummer. Sorry it got cut short. I hope you do get some down time somehow.

Hello, Bobbi. Awhile ago, you asked about the difference between Bipolar Disorder and Clinical Depression:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/wha...ression/all/1/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/wha...ic-depression/