Hello Fellow Depressives

Hi Everyone,

I found your site by accident, but glad I did. I am 52 female and have been diagnosed as a Clincal depressive with Anxiety and DID. For many, many years I have been getting worse as time goes by. My condition, I feel is like a cancer that is always there but goes into remission from time to time. Does that make sence?

Any way, the lack of support in my life has lead me to search for other means of companionship. Although I grew up with all kinds of abuse, even through 3 marriages. I use to think that it was just the way I was and excepted it. Going through life barely consious.

But lately I have been finding myself wanting a change, I'm so tired of feeling like this. My health is being affected and I really need help. Life can really suck.
Well I guess that's it for now.

Welcome to the Community, bobbi416.

The Depression Forum is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dep...5/METHOD=print

The Dissociative Disorders Forum is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=30
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dis...4/METHOD=print

The Survivors of Abuse Forum is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=14
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chi...9/METHOD=print
http://www.way2hope.org/domestic_violence_facts.htm

The Chronic Pain Support Forum is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=36
http://www.wellcome.ac.uk/en/pain/mi...medicine3.html
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/c...ronic_pain.htm

The Steps to Better Self-Esteem Forum is here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=34
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print
http://cmhc.utexas.edu/booklets/selfesteem/selfest.html
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/ment...nal_health.htm

You have been through a lot, bobbi416. Is obtaining professional help an option? Takes courage to do what you are doing. I wish you the best.

Hi bobbie416,

You make perfect sense, and you are not alone. Professional help is a good idea; make sure to take care of yourself, too. It's easy to overlook the basics, but your brain needs good food and water before it needs anything else. My (bipolar) kids forget to eat and it goes badly.

I used to see a therapist, who I really liked, but of course the flack I got from my husband made it difficult. All he did was complain about the expense and how I was changing. Changing? That's the purpose right? But now finacial problems make it nearly impossible. Any advice? My thought process isn't what it use to be and it is really hard to get motivated and do for myself.

Maybe you can find some help here: http://www.buckscounty.org/livingand...ces/index.aspx

Hi Bobbi... welcome to PC. I am a 56 year old female with a similar history coping with depression and anxiety. I have been dx with BiPolar and an assortment of related conditions. I am currently enjoying a break from a very long episode of depression. I take one day at a time not knowing what mood I will swing to for reasons unknown.

The anxiety is most accute when I am depressed and coping with its effects is my primary source of relief when caught in its grip. Cognitive behavioural therapy of one sort or another teaches coping skills that I rely upon alot. Along with meditation, hot showers, breathing and relaxation exercises. Laugh therapy even if forces is a good stress reliever. Anything and everything you can learn about and try is worth the effort has been my rule of thumb.

I wish you well and I am glad you found us here. It has helped me to know I am not alone in my struggles. I hope it helps you too. Take good care.

Hey there Bobbie,

Welcome to PC there's lots of support here Bobbie and change is what PC is about...positive change,

Cheers,

Rhia

Thanks for all the support, I finally figured some of the site out. I found my way back to here, sorry for the delay. I have just been overwhelmed with everything. I have been using the site to distract me from all the repetative thoughts, but then I find someone with simular situations and I'm right back where I started. I SO SICK OF BEING SICK!!! I really need to get back into therapy but at the time we just can't afford it, this really sucks and only makes it worse. Back in May, I was put in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attach. (very scarry) But my heart is fine, my blood preassure was 181/110 they said I could have had a stroke. They kept me for 2 days with no DX. I've come to the conclusion that it was a panic attack. I've been through a battery of testing from 2 specialist now, Cardiologist and every thing is fine with my heart. He sent me to a GI, doctor for the Asophigas (speelig?) and stomach, he did an Endoscopy and took biopsy, no cancer.
But the swallowing X-ray indicates a slow flap ( the flap in throat that controls windpipe and food,) so that explains choking and coughing while eating. But now I have to see a EARs,NOSE, and THROAT specialist. THe GI thinks there may be a problem there.

So you see this has really made my deression even worse, I'm back to the place where I feel I would be better off ..........well you know. Hopeless, 40 yrs of this **** and I'm just so tired of it. Why can't I be noraml. Hah, normal is there such a thing. I can't even focus on my drawing, no interest at the moment. I find myself being drawn back here every day. So I'm finally writing it down in hopes that someone will read it, and just to get it out of my head. Thanks for listening (reading). Hope your having a better day than me.
bobbi

Good morning Bobbi,
I am here, reading and listening. I know what you mean about the strain of running around to doctor appointments. This test and that test and one diagonosis on top of another. It does play havoc on a person.

I wish I had the answers you seek. I guess that is what brings us all together. The search for answers. The craving for normal. The hope for calm in the storm. The chance to find companions on the road.

I get how tired of it you must be. It wears on one to have to cope with the effects of depression. When I get a break from it, like I am experiencing for coming on a month now, I am struck by how easy life is compared to how it goes in depression. When depressed it is like trudging through thick mud. When free it is like flying across the surface. I don't know how long this break will last. What I can do to make it stick. I tell myself to take each day as it comes and make the most of it while it lasts.

I have been thinking lately what lesson I might learn that will help me when the crash hits again. What might I be able to do to cope better when everything overwhelms me and my passion for anything is dulled.

Kindness keeps coming to mind. Be kind to yourself Bobbi. Look for beauty somewhere. Anywhere and dwell there for awhile. Don't ask much of yourself other than to take one step at a time quietly and gently.

I find it difficult to be creative when I am depressed too. I will walk into my studio with good intentions to design something but I will sit there as tears cover my face unable to come up with anything. I end up walking away ovewhelmed again by the hopelessness of it all. It consumes and deflates and drains me of my will.

Take a deep breath Bobbi and remind yourself that you will get through this. There is relief. If not today then down the road it will come to you. Keep your hope alive anyway you can. Feed yourself hope for better days. For answers to questions that you can't even formulate through your pain today. Dwell upon anything that will give your spirit a rest. That will comfort your weary heart. Know that all that is dark is false and affirm the light you can't see.

Show yourself kindness. Do what makes you feel better even if for a moment. For me it usually would involve a walk through the forest to a favourite spot on the river. I would sit and watch the water rushing over the rocks. I would admire the rocks ability to withstand the constant pressure of the rushing waters attempt to displace them. I would notice how smooth and shiny the rocks had become. Slick and free of any rough edges. The rushing waters of springtime was both their enemy and their friend in the same steady motion. The waters rubbed off their rough spots and tested their foundations day after day. Summer would come and the waters would receed and those rocks that had been tormented by the waters now rested and soaked in the summer sun. They absorbed the heat of the day to be released in the night. The cycle of their existance taught me much of my journey. They gave me hope that if I held firm that soon the waters would push back and I would be feeling the summer sun too.

Wishing you well my dear friend. My hopes and prayers are with you. This too shall pass. As tright as that old saying sounds sometimes it had a way of giving me hope even in my darkest moments. I pray you see light today. Blessings.

Oh my.... I did ramble...... I hope I said something useful to you.

On navigating the site.... one thing I do to find threads again where I have posted.... I go to my profile page and under the heading 'statistics' there are links to both threads where you have posted and threads you have started. I am not sure if there is an easier way to monitor threads but that is how I do it.

Yes, Sanity that's what I have been doing. Just took awhile to figure it out.

It took me a while too.

ps... did you see my earlier post on page one? Just wondered if you knew I had posted after you did earlier today. Wishing you a peacefilled day. Take care.

Hello, Bobbi. The FAQ are very thorough and informative.

Sanityseeker/Bobbi416

What you wrote to Bobbi was beautiful...I hope Bobbi you took it in, I know I did....There is light at the end of the tunnel don't loose hope.

In order not to take this thread off topic, I posted an answer to sanityseeker's question in the Community Feedback & Tech Support forum.

My dear friend thank you so much, it helped a great deal. I went around the house and oped all the blinds to let the sun shine in, then it started to Pour down in buckets, so I it really didn't help. But has I watched the rain fall I realized that my gardens really needed the rain. Then I read this, your story about the rocks was very powerful. You are quite good at it. It really made me think, also made a lot of sense. Thank you for that. I am feeling a little better, for the moment but I'll take it.
Thanks for being my friend.
bobbi

Thank you GoGG and Bobbie. I am glad my writing spoke to you. I only asked because I thought you might have missed it since my second post pushed the thread to a second page.

I love the rain. I live in a rainforest so we usually get more rain then sun. I love to walk in the rain especially when it is coming down really hard. I like to get soaking wet from head to toe. I will splash in puddles and go for a swing in the play ground at the school across the street. I will dance around in cirlces singing in the rain. I love the feel of the rain on my face. When I am soaked to the bone I will come home to a nice hot shower before cuddling up with some tea or hot chocolate. Even when I am depressed it will make me feel renewed inside and out.

I am glad you had some moments of feeling better. Hoping with you for more breaks like those. Take good care my friend.

Well Sanity I think your possative outlook rubbed off. I am feeling better today. I went to chat room lastnight and had a few laughs, which helped a lot. But then I couldn't sleep and found myself cleaning my bathroom at 2 am. What's up with that? I hate cleaning! Especailly at 2am. So I took a 1/2 of xanax and went to bed, and tossed and turned for about 45 mins. Got up about 9 am, was in a terrible mood. So I put on some oldie but goodies, and sat down at my drafting table and began working on my current piece, next thing I new I was tapping my foot and singing a along with the music. So, thank you, THANK YOU ALL!! But as temperary as it may be, it was a relief.
luv bobbi

Awesome Bobbi. So glad you are getting some relief. Makes it so worth the effort we put in to flipping the tables on the downers. Well done!

Nice oldie there Byz. ... "I saw so much I broke my mind.... just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in'.... that's a pretty solid description of things sometimes.

LOL Byz, you crack me up

Byz, A list of the songs I was listening to....Dream Lover..All I have to do is dream..Sh-boom..Just walkin in the rain..poetry in motion..alley oop.. the twist.. rubber ball...lets think about livin. The oldies but goodies, when days were simple and freespirited. Gues I'm just an Old soul.

[quote=bobbi416;1408475]Hi Everyone,

I found your site by accident, but glad I did. I am 52 female and have been diagnosed as a Clincal depressive with Anxiety and DID. For many, many years I have been getting worse as time goes by. My condition, I feel is like a cancer that is always there but goes into remission from time to time. Does that make sence?

Any way, the lack of support in my life has lead me to search for other means of companionship. Although I grew up with all kinds of abuse, even through 3 marriages. I use to think that it was just the way I was and excepted it. Going through life barely consious.

But lately I have been finding myself wanting a change, I'm so tired of feeling like this. My health is being affected and I really need help. Life can really suck.
Well I guess that's it for now.

Yay for you for feeling like you want a change. Help is out there, and miracles do happen. I'm new, too, and will enjoy watching your posts.

The oldies helped me through some difficult times. The Tokens: The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

http://www.lyricsg.com/29538/lyrics/...htwimoweh.html