Hanging on but with a safety belt attached!

I am hanging in there but did have a rough evening last night.
I was trying to put aside all my feelings and actually had some friends over.
We were playing cards but my gf embarrassed me and than when I got mad she got mad that I got mad.
It is like, trying to show emotion only makes it worse for me.
Anyway....enough of the lesbian drama.
It seems like as it gets closer to Tues. I am just becoming more tired and more fantasized with my thoughts of "S".
Again, I am in direct contact with my T and she is aware of all of this.
I want to live...I just need to stop feeling like my only way of spelling relief is by ending it all.
I know I have to concentrate on the good things in my life.
It is just so hard to see through my "black slime"
Again, the support here is overwhelming and keeping me going this weekend.
(((to all those helping me throught this)))
(((to all those knowing exactly how I feel and trying to do the same thing I am to survive)))

Thanks for posting! ((((((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))))))))

A hibernating,
Bear

Mornin' SJ!

Check in often.

Petunia

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sj0401 said:
Again, I am in direct contact with my T and she is aware of all of this.
I want to live...I just need to stop feeling like my only way of spelling relief is by ending it all.
I know I have to concentrate on the good things in my life.
It is just so hard to see through my "black slime"
Again, the support here is overwhelming and keeping me going this weekend.
(((to all those helping me throught this)))
(((to all those knowing exactly how I feel and trying to do the same thing I am to survive)))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> You will get there sj. The dedication you've shown to making it through these excruciating moments until Tuesday show you've got grit. You've got what is needed to change that feeling that there is only one answer--"out".

You WILL get there. Don't worry about how or when yet. For now keep going through these moments and staying focused on the fact that you know you DO want to live and that you will get past the overwhelming feelings of wanting "out".

Keep sorting. Keep posting. Keep oozing out that black slime so that you can see more clearly. Tuesday's therapy appointment is the goal. We'll help you get there.

again with hope,
__zh

Hi Sj - glad you are posting and I hope you can keep sorting thru those feelings of "S", and posting that you know you DO want to live is a good start !!! EVERYONE has emotions, and feelings - when you expressed YOUR feelings to your g/f, they were "your feelings" . I think that it is progress that you did express them!!! Getting those feelings OUT, even if she got mad, was healthy for YOU. (I don't know anything about your g/f, but from reading posts lately, I am certainly concerned if she is a support person at all, and that worries me!)

Please take note - the Date August 23 has now been removed from ALL calendars. It no longer exists !

Keep that safety belt attached snuggly, and please stop in from time to time today to let us know how you are doing !!! We all have hold of that belt !

susan, we're holding on to you, here in oklahoma. i'll be on here, off and on, all day. keep checking in. xoxox pat

Please take note - the Date August 23 has now been removed from ALL calendars. It no longer exists !



I just took it off my calendar!

Petunia

how is the safety belt fitting? is it chic?

early evening check in from this coast.

continued good thoughts your way.

you're hours closer to your appointment which is essential to go to no matter how much your mind might convince you otherwise.

with compassion,

susan, it's getting ready to rain here.....how is it at your house? it's thundering and lightning and i really like that. let me know how you are doing. xoxo pat

you're coming up for world's strongest woman title with all this hanging on you're doing!

kindly and with continued hope,