TIME is running Out!!!!!

Well i did my MMPI~2 on friday,have to set appointment with a therapist next week. But can i fix me fast enough? I am really doubting it, my husband just can't take me anymore, i don't blame him I can't take me anymore either!
he told me last night that he is pretty sure he hates me,doesn't want me around. I am to controling, i just can't say anything the right way, everything comes out wrong, i can't put my mind around how to say things constructively and when i try it ends up coming out wrong anyway. I am just feeling hopeless and useless! I wish i could lay down in bed with my teddy bear and never get up again. He thinks i don't love him, he kept saying he was just done with it all, so i said okay then I will leave, OMG that just did it! He is like I knew u really wanyed out! If u didn't you would never say something like that, but he was saying i make him miserable and don't i want him to be happy and i do! But 8 am not making that happen so i said what i said,and he won't let me explain myself,which is okay cause i would probably mess that up to. I have always believed in staying with someone through sickness and health, but i see his point, my sickness is causing him sickness and we have kids and i am gonna make them sick like me! That is the last thing i ever want to happen! I don't wish this misery on anyone.
I feel abandonded! Like i am damaged goods! Like i am not worth the fixing. I thought I was there for him when he was sick but he says i really wasn't so I am also confused . I feel like everything I have always believed about myself is just a huge lie! I am a huge lie.
I am not sure if I can move forward in the therapy fast enough to save this, my heart is totally broken and the worst part is I have cause the break though my out of control behavior.
This is all affecting my work now as well, because of the depression my ADD is manifesting itself tenfold to what it usually is. I am beginning to find it hard to see a reason to keep trying!

Gosh, I had a message all typed out and it disappeared. Your situation sounds very much like mine--hubby left me suddenly last summer, without warning, and moved to another state where he had a little sweetie he had been writing to. She got him a room and he lived there for six weeks before he came home, to allow us to try to work things out. It is working pretty well now, but I don't trust him. Our T sided with me--said he was to blame and at fault for our troubles that he was blaming on me--he has a conflict phobia and doesn't bring up what is bugging him. My hubby said the same kind of things yours is saying.

Maybe you can write out a letter, so it comes out right, run it by therapist, and then give it to hubby. Ask for 6 months so you can work on his issues. Get his priority and work on that as much as you can, so he sees some kind of improvement over the first few weeks or months. I'm sure he has things he needs to correct too, but you can address that after you've got him calmed down about leaving.

He loved you once. If you can show him some of the person he fell in love with and give him hope for a better relationship in the future, you may be able to work things out. When things get really tough, take in a big, deep breath. Then let it out slowly. Then another. Do this whenever you feel yourself tensing up and stressed out. It will help.

I'm pulling for you! Sending you some hugs, too! (((((((walksinair)))))))

Hiya,

i wanted to chime in here and let you know my husband and i separated because he couldn't take my mental illness either. We went round and round about this. In the end we separated and I finally got recovery. Could never get recovery with him we were too codependant.

Just hang in there.
Love and hugs,
Tara

thanks for the responses so far. the part about the letter sounds great! he is in counseling for his stuffand he has come along way. i think this is part of why my junk is so annoying to him. i don't worry about him leaving me for someone else. i know without a doubt that i can trust him he has never given any reason for me not to. i do have trust issues that cause me problems that carry from my first marriage. i am not giving up on us. i just need to fix me. for along time i didnt know how bad i was. as i look back on the last few years and reflect i can see the downward spiral i have been in! i thought i had control of my illness ,but in reality I was just slipping further and further in.I thought I could fix myself. I have now come to the reality that I cannot. Being able to post here in a nonjudgmentle place is a great help to. Mental illness is a very lonely place. You have to show the world this put together person while on the inside the walls are crumbling around you and the ground is sinking beneith your feet, and the sky is falling in on top of you.so this place is wonderful thank you for reading my posts, it helps me see that my thoughts and feelings are worthwhile.

Mental illnesses are tough, but just keep trying and you can make it. Don't give up!
((((walksinair))))
Good luck.
-Frenchie Gal

I want to say something encouraging but....i am unable to think of anything. Keep talking and trying to communicate and use the help of the T. Best of luck to you and to everyone going through this painful problem.

Oh, he's like the reformed smoker! You know, the ones who quit and then want everyone else to quit, and DO NOT SMOKE IN MY PRESENCE! Also dieters--those on a diet want to talk about it and get everyone else to join them. I'm sure there's some kind of pyschological syndrome going on here. The nearly-cured want everyone else aboard the "cure-boat." So it might work out really well to explain to him that you now see how you have spiraled downward and need more help to deal with your issues and you won't be satisfied or stop working on them until you get healthy and enjoying life again, for yourself, him, and your kids.

That is really great that he's in therapy too. Hopefully his therapist won't let hm transfer all the blame for relationship problems to you, but help him see his share of them and work on them.

I think you sound motivated to change. That's what is important. You have a vision of your life together and that's what you want to keep. It's tough when you are depressed, as that ruins your energy level. And makes you more sensitive to the hurts around you. But you WILL get better, and I think you can.

A book we found, by an author our therapist recommended, is "I Will Never Leave You", by Hugh and Gayle Prather. We found a copy, with shipping, for only $4 on Amazon.com. We read it to each other, a chapter or half a chapter per night. We took turns reading. It was a great exercise for us. The Prathers say you had reasons for marrying this person; if you accept them with all their faults and work on your relationship (gives you methods to try), you can achieve true happiness together.

Sending you more hugs today!

online user.. husbands therapist is less than supportive of me in my opinion, I
went with to quite a few of his sessions, he decided that there was no point in my
coming because "i was not willing to get better" he came up with these excercises
for me like since i dont usually wash the dishes just wash the plates and leave the other
stuff. well i get sidetracked enough so i felt like this was stupid my problem was not
finishing things so he gives me an excercise were i dont finish a chore.. he
believes i use my depression and ADD as a crutch or excuse. this is what my husband
thinks so his T just added fuel to the fire. he basically told hubby the he wont get
healthy as long as he is with me. So basically all the problems we have are my fault.
his first wife was terrible and that is another story all in itself, well i guess i am just like
Her according to the T . I have my first seeion with my therapist on thursday so will go from there.

my boyfriend of 10 years and I have both mental health issues so of course the relationship has mental health issues
I am not sure that the therapist for the couple should be the same therapist that you husband has
I had a therapist tell me that she was only there to help me separate from my boyfriend
I changed therapists
The first time I met my shrink, he said, 'what can I do for you today'
He wanted to help me with what I was ready change and what I felt was the most debilitating

let us know what your therapist has to say

roses

omg, sounds like it's two against one! So sorry this is happening to you. Good that you are going to another therapist. Will be really interesting to see what he/she says on all this.

My husband was quite upset with our therapist for a few sessions, when T was heaping all the problems on him. Yesterday T came out and said that I won't be fully happy till I'm OK to be without hubby; see a life on my own as possible. He said I'm the "needy" one who wants hubby--hubby is the one who is running away. So T's been suggesting I might envision life without hubby not so much to break us up (hubby's fear) but to get me to be less "needy" and more content with myself. To get me to accept that I am forgiving hubby and taking him as he is, knowing he has faults and that it's because I am mature enough to deal with them.

Keep your chin up--we're pulling for you!

BTW, in the Prather book I mentioned to you, they say that they think a lot of pyschologists and therapists are what they call, "Separation psychologists" and they think their philosophy about helping people to break up is a bunch of bunk--people go right back to someone who will treat them the same way as the first person so they might have well stayed together, better for the kids, finances, everything, and tried to work things out.

Also, I've been told there is a real skill to being a couples counselor (told to me by my therapist in the hospital) and very few do it very well. It's wonderful when it works well. I can see where, if you have a lot of issues with your own self, it might be helpful to have a separate counselor just for yourself.

I so agree with you. And if you break up and find someone else... even if he doesn't have the same problems, he will have different problems. No one is perfect... not even a therapist.

I have gasto- intestinal problems and one doctor was pushing surgery. I changed doctors. The second doctor said that there are two sets of problems. the problems I would have to live with if I don't have the surgery and the other problems I would have to live with if I chose the surgery. The doctor then let me chose and helped me manage the problems that I chose.

I think couples are the same way. All couples will have problems. We either decide to deal with them or we spend the rest of our lives single. but it should be us who chose which we want (not the doctor or therapist) and then the professional should help us improve the life we have chosen.

It is a pet peeve of mine. Can you tell?

roses