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  #801  
Old Sep 24, 2011, 05:23 PM
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why do I feel this way now when I don't have any support, why am I always the one that is wrong, why am I putting myself through all of this...
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  #802  
Old Sep 24, 2011, 10:59 PM
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Why do I consistantly say that I will do something for someone else, and feel guilty if I don't?
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C'est la vie
  #803  
Old Sep 24, 2011, 11:27 PM
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today i got a tattoo....really helped in some odd weird way but other then that i didnt do much...i also got a hair cut which made me eel better about my personal appearance.
  #804  
Old Sep 25, 2011, 12:43 AM
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My head aches. I ache all over. Just the other day I was riding a bicycle. Thursday, I went down hill. Besides the sadness and fear, I have all this physical discomfort. I think it is all due to my state of mind. I don't think I have the strength to recover. The achyness feels rotten = like having the flu

Worries about job prospect, about alcoholic family member calling me with weird requests, and sig. other needing to go to hospital. The banging in my ear worse.
  #805  
Old Sep 25, 2011, 07:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bagged5pt7 View Post
today i got a tattoo....really helped in some odd weird way but other then that i didnt do much...i also got a hair cut which made me eel better about my personal appearance.
Good for you! Sometimes when we do something for ourselves it helps us to create a new version of ourselves. "New & improved" LOL. It's the small things in life that we forget to appreciate because the illness looms large over our heads. If you don't mind me asking, what was the tattoo like? I've been wanting one myself!
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  #806  
Old Sep 25, 2011, 12:18 PM
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The noise in my ear is much less today, and I am thankful for that. I have my Sig. Other here, but I have to be careful not to show too much depression, or he will get mad. I feel very bad and have terrible anxiety, which is worse to feel than the depression.
  #807  
Old Sep 25, 2011, 09:53 PM
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Originally Posted by porcupine2 View Post
Good for you! Sometimes when we do something for ourselves it helps us to create a new version of ourselves. "New & improved" LOL. It's the small things in life that we forget to appreciate because the illness looms large over our heads. If you don't mind me asking, what was the tattoo like? I've been wanting one myself!
it wasnt bad actually ...mainly ust the part of my body i got it on...on my chest some parts hurt bad but i sucked it up
  #808  
Old Sep 25, 2011, 10:54 PM
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Hoping that I don't have anything seriously wrong.
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  #809  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 05:07 AM
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I wonder if the three little pigs ever thought they might be famous?
  #810  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 09:54 AM
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How will I ever make it?
Maybe today I will make a list of some things I would like to do...
and a list of some things I need to talk about in therapy.
I think the meds are lifting my mood by the smallest fraction. God, I pray they will help. I am totally worn out from being cornered. I just need some fight back. The opposite of depression isn't even happiness to me - it's caring about what happens.
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  #811  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:04 PM
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I wonder if at my age (upper 30's) I will ever get to experience falling in love. Gosh, it is sure lonely never had been in love.
  #812  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:09 PM
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I know I shouldn't be mad. I'm trying not to be mad. I am mad though. I want this whole thing to go back to normal. I don't like this change.
  #813  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:16 PM
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Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun View Post
I wonder if at my age (upper 30's) I will ever get to experience falling in love. Gosh, it is sure lonely never had been in love.
((((((((Clouds_and_sun))))))))!

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and sad about this aspect of your life.
Although I was in love before, I can appreciate how difficult and how painful this topic is. I'm of a similar age and although I had sometimes been in love, it's usually been completely hopeless with no prospect of anything developing. That's very painful, too.
I know what it feels like to long for someone being close to you and for being with someone and it's tough if this doesn't happen. People tell me that it doesn't matter when one meets someone who's right for one and that it will all be worth it then, but sometimes one doubts whether it will happen.

I'm trying hard not to think too much about it and hold on to all the good things in my life even if that excludes children (that has been a sore point this year after having to undergo surgery) and - for the moment - a partner. Try and do something that makes you really really happy or meet / talk to a good friend and things will at least for the moment feel better.

You are in my thoughts and please take care of yourself.

Many hugs to you,

Shadow-world
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  #814  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:33 PM
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going to sleep now because there is nothing else to do
besides, it's the only known thing I'm still good at
except for that last part.. where I wake up
  #815  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Indie'sOK View Post
needs to do well on CogAT test tomorrow to get into art school...scared
hope the tests go well.
  #816  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 03:41 PM
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going to sleep now because there is nothing else to do
besides, it's the only known thing I'm still good at
except for that last part.. where I wake up
Think how sad (me for one) others would feel if you didn't wake up? maybe after you sleep and wake up, you will feel some better.
Thanks for this!
ExiExi
  #817  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 06:24 PM
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I actually feel nothing bad at the moment, just numb, thanks to it looking like I've got a part-time job. I can't get feeling good, somehow, because I am suspicious of everything until I see how it really is.
  #818  
Old Sep 26, 2011, 10:16 PM
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What are they going to do to me tomorrow?
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  #819  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 02:22 AM
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I think that if I posted every single day under this thread "What's On Your Mind?", it would be the same thing all the time. I wish it wouldn't be, but I think it would read the same. Such as, loneliness and fatigue.
For Clouds & Sun and Shadow World, I can appreciate how you feel. I think that the reason that I have such a hard time with showing love and warmth is because I do not feel love for myself. As a matter of fact, I hate who I am right now and have for a long time. I think that I have to care something about myself in order for anyone to be able to do the same. Who would want to spend any amount of time with me when I am so disgusted with myself.
  #820  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 06:51 AM
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Woke up irritated, frustrated, angry, intruded upon, and a wee bit paranoid. It's going to be one of those days...
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As I lay down in bed each night I look up at the stars and wonder "where the heck is my ceiling?"
  #821  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 09:02 AM
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I didn't get much sleep. A few hours. I'm angry and depressed. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy with him. I miss him. Wake up soon.
  #822  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 01:21 PM
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4 days ago, I tumbled from feeling kind of "up" to being very anxious and depressed. The upcoming new job fills me with forebodings of things going wrong. I haven't seen a pdoc in ages due to cancelations. I feel like I have no professional that is really involved.
  #823  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 06:29 PM
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I feel less and less connected with my Mom and Dad.
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Medications:
Venlafaxine (Effexor) 75mg daily
Divalproex (Valproic Acid) 600mg daily
Seroquel (Quetiapine) 100mg daily

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  #824  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 07:41 PM
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Last two or three days have been as bad as I can remember in a while. I'd rather stay in bed and hope for a better next day, but I got up and went to work somehow. I have no emotion whatsoever. I am just breathing and existing, not living.
Thanks for this!
emptybee15
  #825  
Old Sep 27, 2011, 09:49 PM
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not really getting any replies from anyone here....but today just felt there...my body was there working and what not but the rest of me was just gone.i sometimes feel like not being alive dont think anyone would miss me...but the only thing really keeping me from doing anything drastic...is the fact that its so selfish.
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