why does it seem like the worst beats out the best?

Well last night was scary. My boyfriend started reminding me of my ex-boyfriend, the way I was paying for everything and he seemed manic, and that was really scary because my ex well let's just say he spent some time in prison. So all of a sudden I had full blown panic attack...I lost control of my eyes, felt like an out of body experience..felt terrible..and I had been taking meds to combat them but they didn't work. I felt like a child, I retreated to bed and just curled up in the fetal position, with no one knowing what to do for me, how to help me. I suddenly declared that I hated my own house and proceeded to drive to my boyfriend's house. We got in an accident on the way there, and he had offered to drive but I said..'..naw..' The accident was terrible. It was really scary. Pretty soon I'm going to have more money to help him out I had a good job interview today. He does pay me back at the first of the month. I just am so afraid of my own mind, like I cannot trust myself. I am scared after last night, like maybe I'm worth nothing at all.

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Junerain said:
I just am so afraid of my own mind, like I cannot trust myself.

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((((((((((((((((((Junerain))))))))))))))))))

I can not tell you how much I understand this statement. I can totally relate to it, more then I can probably say.

I am sorry about last night. I do hope that you and your BF are OK from the accident.

Sending good vibes your way.


Huggles,


Jen

We are not our decisions. I'm sorry you are having such trouble of late... hope someone will help you make wiser decisions, enough at least to keep you safe! TC

It really can be tough when you start to question decisions you made in the past, but that's where they lie, in the past.

I've personally been battling this recently, I'm still in the throws of reaching up from that pit of depression and self loathing, but I'm doing it after 10 years.

It can be frustrating for any person to go through this, even more so when you are in the middle of it currently happening to you and you feel like you don't know what way is up or down. Do you have anyone close in your life that you would say is a "rock" for you to hold onto during this hard time? I've had a couple good friends through all of my last couple months when everything got really bad, and they were there through the thick of it all regardless of how I treated them. I have them to thank for what grasp of sanity that I currently have. I can hope that maybe you can achieve sometihng like that as well, as where you currently are is a very scary place, but you must have strength to climb from there. Every person can start to get better, the first part for me was accepting that something was wrong and asking for help. Maybe sometihng in all of this will strike within you and help you.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

You are worth a lot!

Did you got physically hurt in the accident?

How are you feeling this evening? I hope that you are ok!



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