Help, please.

Hello,
I would like to start by saying I am very sorry if it is felt I am out of line for posting on your chat, I just didn't know what else to do. I am 16 years old and my name is Charlotte, as you can tell, I'm underage, which limits my everyday life. I feel I've been suffering from depression, at school and required social events I try my best to put on a smile and get through it. I do have friends, and they're alright, but I'd rather stay home. I always feel down on myself, like I'm not good enough and it brings me to tears. Half the time I just cry for no reason at all, I just don't know what's wrong with me. I don't mean to sound sappy and I don't want pity, that's why I am coming to you all for advice. I was raised to not show feelings and I know if I told my father about this (I don't have a mother, she passed) he would laugh in my face and tell me to "tough it out." I want to go to a doctor to get formally diagnosed but obviously, I can't ask my dad to take me. This is where I need advice, what do I do? It's just getting so hard to hide how I feel and I want help, I don't know how to get it. As a minor can I go to a doctor and seek help? Can I afford that? How do I find a doctor? Do I really have a problem, is this just teen nerves? It feels like more than that, if anyone could give me advice I'd appreciate it.

Thank you,
Charlotte.

Charlotte, you're not in the wrong place. There are people here of all ages. You can relax.

Is there someone at school you can talk to about how you feel, like a school counselor or the nurse? Maybe a teacher you like and trust. You need help, Sweetie, if for nothing else but to sort out your feelings and why you've been having them.

Glad that you came here and were brave enough to post. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage and you sure have that!

Keep posting and before you know it, you'll have more caring, support and advice than you know what to do with.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Charlotte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Charlotte

What stands out most to me is your age. Many times "adults" will negate very real feelings of younger people, saying it will pass. Sometimes it does and we call these feeling growing pains.

I think often the adult might feel inadequate to properly address the teen's emotions. They might recall instances they experienced which were passing discomforts and the easy thing to do is brush off your feelings. Many adults don't deal with thier own emotions well and seeking help from someone in this predicament is like trying to get milk from a bull cow.

Septembers advice is sound. See if someone at school can help. There are different causes for depression. For some, it's a medical condition which they can't control but medications can make life liveable, even great. For others, like me, depression is a reaction to oppressive conditions. It's important to know the difference. Knowing that we can change our perception of things in our environment or change our situation is key to treating reaction type depression. In either case, you'd need a trained professional to help you understand these confusing and similiar symptoms.

Best to you, keep us posted, ok?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

I'll start off by saying this is my first post/contribution to these forums. But I've been reading for a little while now.

Charlotte: I'm 19 years old. I've never been diagnosed with depression. I'd guess that I've had depression since I was around 14 years old. That was when I first started cutting and some friends of mine reported it to the guidence department in my school.

Unfortunately, my school's counselors were rather incompetent, and I didn't want help, so it wasn't difficult to pretend everything was ok. Adults are frequently ready to blame puberty and/or PMS on these sorts of problems. I eventually went to my physician, who told me it was likely that I DID have depression, and referred me to a psychologist.

If you go to someone in your school, it is entirely possible that they will report it to your parents, because of the liability issues they could face. But if you go to your regular physician and explain to them how you feel, they may be able to refer you to a psychologist who will be able to determine whether or not it IS just teen nerves, or if there's more to it. If you go to your physician and request to be put on birth control, or have a pregnancy test done, or even as far as having an abortion performed, there are confidentiality laws to protect that (I think that's federal, but I know it's at least a state lawin many places). I don't see why depression shouldn't be just as confidential. At least talk to your doctor about it, because they'll be able to point you in the right direction. Just be honest.

You're starting off right by wanting help. That was my biggest mistake, was thinking I could handle it on my own. I did it. It was unbelievably difficult, and now, 5 years later, it's coming back (thus the reason I joined these forums). But this time I'm going to get help. You can get through this if you want it bad enough (and that message goes out to everyone here.)

Best of luck, darling. From what I've been reading, it seems to me you came to the right group of people.

I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles,
It's a very very
Mad world.
Mad world.

Hi, Charlotte! I'm so glad that you came here to discuss your situation. There are many kind and supportive people here; and lots of people who have experiences similar to yours.

Like you, I was raised to keep any negative emotions to myself. I know the frustration of feeling that something is wrong, needing support and being unable to disclose to my family and friends that I even had a problem. (My counselor is struggling with me right now to get me to open up and be honest about my emotions.)

Charlotte, you definitely need to see a professional who can evaluate your situation and help you to cope with it. It's a very tough thing that you've lost your Mom, and I wonder if this is contributing to your sadness.

There should be a public health department in your area. If you cannot afford to pay for counseling services, they may be able to help you out.
Also, many areas have public mental health centers which serve their clients for little or no fee. I do think, though, that you should start with a trusted teacher, guidance counselor or other adult. One thing that they could do for you is to talk about this to your Dad for you and let him know that you need to be evaluated. If he hears this from another adult, particularly a teacher or guidance counselor, he's more likely to take it seriously and help you to find a good psychiatrist or therapist.

Please keep us posted on how things are going. People here really do care.

Hi Charlotte,
Im 21 and I know what its like to be young and feel dpressed and I read on a post someone had repled to you to talk to someone at your school and I can't emphasise how right that is. Your school will no doubt have a guidance counciller right? Go and talk to him/her and they will help you with what is happening. Don't be afraid because this is their job, they help lots of people and theyre not gunna think of u as any different

Keep smiling

Kim xx

You only have ONE chance to make a first impression, Kia Kaha

Charlotte,
You are doing the right thing and wanting to seek help. It is a scary thing to be young and feel depressed. I know, I'm now 29 and my depression started when I was your age. It has taken me all these years to find the courage to say that I need help and seek it. Hang in there, is there perhaps a school psychologist you could talk to since you dont think your father would be supportive in seeing anyone?

I'd like to thank you all so much for being understanding and accepting, I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner. After much self debate, I've decided to take your advice and I've booked an appointment tomorrow with my guidance counseler. She's a nice woman, when I've needed help with class scheduling she's seemed fine. I've just been having these horrible feelings for such a long time and I really appreciate your help. I don't know where this is going to lead but I've never let anyone in, not my father, or friends.. I even lie to myself about the bad things in my life because I'm not able to face tragedy. I hope this will open up to better things, I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again,
Charlotte

Charlotte,

You are doing the right thing to talk to someone. I wish that I had gotten some help when I was your age (my depression started by the time I was 9 years old if not earlier than that). My parents somehow didn't see it, or wouldn't admit that there was a problem, so I understand about not being able to tell your dad. I really hope that you get help and feel better.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

Being a teenager is one of the hardest things that a person can go through. There are so many conflicting emotions, that some days you don't know where you begin and where you end. Compounded with a lack of support, it can almost feel like you are fighting a losing battle. I am 21, so my teenage years are not too long behind me. I know where you are coming from when you say that you were raised to show no emotion. The same thing happened to me. But you are still young and have time yet to find yourself. Just don't give up. Good things are on the way for you. Talking to a counsellor is a good thing, because then you won't feel like you are going through this alone. You shouldn't be.
I don't know if this will help, but have you ever tried making a list of the good things in your life or the things you like about yourself. Then when you are feeling low, just take it out and read it and then you will know that you have at least something to be happy about.

I feel horrible replying this way. The day of my counselers appointment I couldn't do it. I think it started in the morning, it was just one of those mornings when nothing seems right. My dad wasn't home, he really isn't alot because of his job, and I rushed off to school alone. My appointment was late in the day and the class before I had to meet my counseler I started freaking out, I started thinking of everything that could go wrong. I got real panic-y thinking about what she would think, my god people must think I'm crazy to be like this. What if my dad found out? What if she.. laughed in my face? Now that I think back I know she probably wouldn't laugh at me.. I just felt so helpless and unaccepted. I mean how do you tell someone about all the dark feelings you have? I ended up leaving school because I was so stressed, I felt like I was sweating and my mind was racing. I just ran to my car after 5th period and went home. It was a horrible feeling, the anxiety, the doubt.. I'm very sorry to have led you on. I thought I could do it, I thought maybe somebody would help. I just can't let people in, I don't know what's wrong with me, it just feels akward and I get so nervous. I'm sorry to have let you down. I think I'll start a journal, something like that, it just feels wrong telling other people.

Thank you for listening and all of your caring responses,
Charlotte

((((((Charlotte))))))

First of all, you haven't led us on, so don't give that another thought. You don't owe us any apologies, Charlotte. I understand your reluctance to divulge your feelings to anyone in person, because I have the same problem. I know that panicky feeling that you mentioned, because I have always kept my emotions (negative ones) closely guarded. It just seemed wrong, because of my upbringing, to divulge any of them.

But you would be surprised how many times guidance counselors at high schools have heard stories similar to yours. I feel confident that the guidance counselor will take your feelings very seriously----that's part of her job. Although keeping a journal is a good idea, I do hope that you will go to see your guidance counselor. And whatever you decide, please know that we will support you here and will not judge you.

Hi charlotte,

It doesn't matter what age you are here. 16, 36, 76, depression doesn't care what age you are. It's a good start to come here and talk to people who understand what you're going thru. I understand about not being able to tell your father, I would have been laughed at too, and that was a long time ago. Some things never change. Do you have a counselor at your school that you can talk to about this? If not, maybe you could speak to the Principal or Vice Principal about getting you a referral for some help. Just tell them that you want it kept between the two of you. School personnel are trained these days to deal with this kind of stuff and should be able to help you out. Just an idea...

Please keep coming here as much as you need to. There's a lot of people here with a lot of experience that can support you. I wish you all the best and please let us know how this goes.

bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Please don't worry that you've let anyone down, Charlotte. What your going thru is difficult, and you will do it when you are ready to, OK? Please keep posting, OK? This is a good place to express your feelings, and not feel judged. Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Charlotte,

I almost forgot how hard it was, but you're right - it is hard. I don't know how many times when I was your age I almost told somebody that I needed help, but I never could. The first time I went to counseling was when I was 19 and one of my college roommates referred me. In high school people were often making comments about how quiet I was, sometimes "that's okay - I know you are always tired" (no, I was depressed, and maybe tired too) and they would make 'helpful' suggestions about dropping classes and not trying to do so much. But I never managed to tell anyone or ask for help. I was really nervous about it, and also my sister kept sabotaging me if I did start to talk to someone (she would explain that I was just selfish to think that way and ought to know better than that).

A journal is a good thing and can help you. Please know that we understand being scared because we've been through it. If you can try again, I think it would help you. The first time you tell someone is the hardest, and after that it gets better. If you can, find someone you trust. Tell them that you are concerned and think that you are depressed. Being depressed is not the same as being crazy, and it happens to so many more people than you would guess. They won't laugh at you.

No matter what you decide, you are welcome to talk to us here.

Picture us holding your hand if that helps. If you get help now it could be easier to overcome the problems and you will have that much more time to feel good and be happy. Writing down how you feel is one way to make it easier - then if you are nervous all you have to do is show them what you wrote.

Wendy

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

Hi Charolett,
I'm jess, I'm 25 and I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder.
age is just a number luv, your in the right place with the right people. to give you advice that you might had been searching for Depression is very difficult and it takes alot of work and effort in your part to want to get better. it can take some time, your first step is realizing somethings wrong try and stay strong. if you need a friend we are all here. keep your head up ...

Like I said in SeptemberMorn's post, I really want to thank you all for understanding and sharing. Your caring words and advice have really helped me realize things about myself and my situation. I'm not ready yet to share with other people face to face, but I can share my feelings here which is a great comfort. Thank you again for being there for a young stranger.

-Charlotte

{{{{{{{{Charlotte}}}}}}}}}}

You can share here as much as you need to and we are all there for you. You will find the strength you need inside hun...we will just show you how to find it.

Take care.


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

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