Daily Check In - Ups and Downs

I'm really in a blank mood right now, I don't know if I'm happy, sad or angry. All I know is that I'm caring less now...

I'm battling a lot of negative thoughts today.

Finally made appt with a T. Talked to her over the phone and she sounds right for me. Have been trying to keep my expectations low but am still afraid that therapy won't help. today, for the first time in a long time, I was not miserable. That scares me. Funny that as my spirits are rising, my body is failing. Have had a slight headache for 3 days and I never get headaches. Also had an aha moment.. part of my problem stemmed from the fact that I am very passive and am easily discouraged when barriers appear and don't always try very hard to break them down. or think outside of the box, and I paid a high price for that. I need to change and adopt a where there's a will there's a way attitude towards healing. something I never had before. Hope I can do it and hope that it will help...

and hearing about the passing of Donna Summer..gosh..she wasn't that old. So sad. It stirred up thoughts about my own mortality. I am not that young and I don't want to waste any more of my life being miserable..

Depressed and hopeless again this morning. Why can I not accept certain things? Why am I not resolving some issues successfully? :-( Should I just give up? I just want to be happy like everyone else.

Made myself go out for a walk this morning and I'm so glad I did. I always feel better afterward, even if it was only a 15-minute walk. Most of the tension I was feeling when I woke up is gone. Let's see how long it lasts.

The whole week has been HORRIBLE.
I hope the next one is better...
Unbearable.

Been there myself. annoying ain't it ?

Supposed to have nice weather this weekend. Maybe I'll get off my arse long enough to do something.

Being outside on a nice day really helps me. Even if all I do is sit in the sun for a bit and listen to the birds singing.

I had a pretty good day today...I'm feeling lonely now though...I don't understand myself.

I had a decent day too until this evening. I actually had plans to go out to a party but it was cancelled and the events leading up to the cancellation caused me stress. I think I may have annoyed my fiancé as well but I may be overly thinking that. I know he's stressed (the party was partly his thing) but he hasn't answered any of my texts (I only sent 3 over a period of 2 hours). Is this obsessive thinking?

I am feeling pretty good this morning. I applied for a supervisor postion last night, which is a step up from the position I am currently in. I am not sure if I really want it, but I thought I would try anyways. I can always say no if they do offer it to me and I decide I don't want it. I doubt however that they would offer it to me because my supervisor makes the final decision of who is hired, and she doesn't like me.

I actually had a good day! It makes a nice change not to be so hopeless, desperate or crying in the mornings as I was / did most of this and partly last week.
I've met up with some nice people and it was so great that I've managed to make this a positive day for me.

I am feeling hopeful about a few things today. I am am also happy to be here on this site/in this community. Hugs to all.

Now that uni's over for the summer I'm not that tired and I'm relieved.

Less caffeine to better deal with anxiety should be the way forward.
Nevertheless, it's been a peaceful and fairly good day. Am not going to think about work tomorrow yet and try to enjoy this evening quietly at home.

My previous workplace wants me back again (Data Entry) and I get overtime for the next week which is good, this means saving up again for me. Not going to complain as I'm just glad another opportunity comes to me.

what a rough couple of days. I only feel good when I'm sleeping. starting to rethink this experiment of no anti-depressants. seriously thinking about going to the hospital to escape it all, but too expensive. I hate my life.

had a bad weekend...super stressed...depressed...tired...no motivation to get up and do anything anymore.....had a text from an aquantance asking what i was doing and i replied then they just replied they were at buffalo wild wings watching the ppv event....wtf is that...just texting me to say that kinda rubbing it in my face that im a loser...and friday got a nother text saying to go to a auto shop i regularly visit saying to swing by and i go and noones there...:'(...idk why i havent killed myself

Overall, I had a pretty good weekend. The weather was so nice today and I got outside for a bit, which brightened my mood. I am grateful to be feeling less depressed. Hugs to all.

I had a weird Friday of feeling super high on life then crashed in the evening crying all over the place. Saturday was better applied to more jobs online and got in touch with a friend that works at a place I stopped at Friday afternoon to apply. Also got some cuddle time in with my cuddle buddy/bestfriend (which is the weirdest friendship I've ever had with a guy but cool) . Kinda feel like I'm stuck in this cycle of only hanging out with a certain couple of friends regularly and negelecting other friendships outside of text messaging. I dunno what it is.... Sunday really chill preparing for classes that start next week and a battle plan for getting employed can't take this not working stuff....

Lonely and scared. My S.O. and I got to talking about how lazy I am. I really am.

After a while, I asked him if he could think of anything about me that is good. He couldn't come up with anything.

Somehow, despite how messed up I am, I believe there is something of value in me. I don't think I should spend much time around anyone who can't help me keep believing that.

Actually got off of my butt this weekend and went out for a bike ride. Came back exhausted but it was worth it.

(((All of you)))

Rose76 I can say quite a few good things about you but here are just a few
You are Kind, You are Respectful, You are Friendly, You are Intelligent, You are a Good person, You have a heart the size of Texas or bigger, You are stronger than you think. You are thoughtful, You are Helpful.
This is all that I know of you just from the brief encounters we have here......so in RL there is probably much much more I don't know YET.
One of my favorite quotes is from the movie The Help, "You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important" I tell myself it everyday and I would like to say it to you and suggest that maybe you give it a try yourself. If you haven't watched it, it is an incredible movie and a very empowering moment in the movie and to me is a strong self help statement.
I have to add too that what others think of you is not half as important as what you think of yourself, that is THE Most important.

HUGE Hugz
Nams

Nams,

I listened to the song ("Lost in Paradise") and it made me cry. But I liked it.

I watched a trailer for the movie, The Help, and I would like to see it.

You've said good things to me. Thank you.