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#1
Jan 01, 2012, 12:55 AM
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what is there to look forward to in the new year? more suffering? more pain? more hopelessness? i just don't know what to do anymore... i still have to go to work - i have no choice. how do i keep putting on the show - making it appear that i'm all right when i really am not? why do i even bother any more? i just can't take the pain!!! it's too much. it's overwhelming. it's getting to be too much. no one understands! my psychiatrist says to give it another week or two for the medicine to work. what if i just can't wait that long? i know...i have to be patient... show this post to my pschyartist... tell someone i can trust... open up to my husband... go to the hospital... consider ect... call a friend... watch a movie... read my favorite book... go to sleep... do something i enjoy... call someone i can open up too... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! it just hurts so much! too much...
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 depressedalaskan, Lexi232, Mylifeisdepressing, sandmaam, Unrigged64072835, whenwillitend
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 Suki22
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#2
Jan 01, 2012, 01:19 AM
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 Many of us have walked in your shoes. Holidays such as New Year's eve are difficult times. Perhaps try to think of today as any other day - just one day in life. Some are good, some are tough. We will all have our ups and downs. There is light ahead of you - even though you can't see it now. I know - many of us here know - it is there, but sometimes we just can't see it. I hope that you discover there are many of us here at PC who do understand. And, IRL - I hope you can open up to your husband. Cry on his shoulder. Ask him to stick with you and help you through this tough time. I wish you the best. There is hope. You can get through this and find happiness again.
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Never look down on anybody, unless you are helping them up. |
| depressedalaskan
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#3
Jan 01, 2012, 01:26 AM
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Have you ever done any mindfulness? This is the only thing that really helps me when my head is full of negative stuff.
Takes motivation to learn, but can work. Those other suggestions you mention can feel like irritations because they take huge effort to do when you are feeling so low, but it is small steps that can help us. Take care, this will pass - Soup
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Soup |
| depressedalaskan
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#4
Jan 01, 2012, 02:23 AM
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Hey, curlydee. I don't like holidays like this because they are made-up really. Man-made calendar, man-made holiday. Sounds like something special, really just another day.
And the things they tell us to use to cheer ourselves up. HA! If I were a bored 5-yr old, it might help, but I'm a depressed 65 yr-old. Are they serious? Yeah, I guess they are. Fools. I'm sorry it's gonna takes the meds longer to kick in. That sucks. It's true, though, what Soup & Leo say: it will get better. It always does, that's the way this disorder works. We've been through it many, many times. If you just hang on, it gets better! I faced down my alcoholism first, and in a way that was good training because it taught me to live life, "One day at a time." In dealing with being bipolar, and fighting depression, that philosophy really gives me a leg up. Whenever I think I can't handle the pain any longer, I always amend that to say--"I can take this just one more day. Then, well, I don't know. I'll have to reconsider." So that's how I do it.
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roads & Charlie |
| depressedalaskan, Suki22
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#5
Jan 01, 2012, 12:59 PM
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WOW!!!!!! Curlydee, You have many good ideas there to help. I have been to your place more than onces. How did I get out of there? I don't really know. All I can really remember is fighting back as hard as I could. It is aweful painful. But you can do it, take depression and face it head on. Push it back to were it came from. This is probobly sounding stupid but it may help. As depression tells you there is no hope, repeat this - there is hope, there is hope. Depression makes you think you can not do this, you tell it you can do this - you can do this. My hardest one, Nothing at all matters to me, this is not true and it is not reality this is the hardest one for me to over come but I always push back. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.
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#6
Jan 01, 2012, 07:54 PM
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Being overwhelmed by so many negatives can be exhausting. Been there more times than I care to think about.
One day at a time, Curlydee. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and have learned that focusing on one day at a time REALLY helps. Sometimes, I talk to my depression as if it is an addiction: "You WILL NOT get a hold of me today. I can get through today. That's all I can do right now." |
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#7
Jan 01, 2012, 09:22 PM
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Quote:
Stop putting on a show.. Stop giving people the illusion that you're okay when your really not.. Show them how you really are.. (but don't harm yourself in the process!) .. They can't fully help you, if you are giving them a mask and illusions... Show them, and make them understand... It's hard to understand someone who is distant, hiding, and puting up a mask and giving off illusions that they are alright. Its the natural instinct of most people to want to believe that your okay when you say you are.... those who care, will question it, but they prolly dont want to make you upset or mad with them so they dont push the issue, feeling that if you needed something that you would come to them and open up. prying into ones life is a very risky business, and so a lot steer away, and just make themselves readily avalible to the person if they should ever come out and say they aren't okay.. that things are horrible, and they can barely stand it any more. ... Quote:
 You know the answer to that question... You pretty much answered it right after you asked it..I would suggest not being alone... Have someone there with you, and perhaps have a "tutor" type of session where it's a study buddy and together work on coping skills and what best could work, and what you know that doesn't work... Research the hospitals in your area (if you haven't already) that have mental hospitals within them... Find one that makes you feel at ease about it, (or as most ease as you can get with that..) And then go. ... <.<;;; I think i should take my own advice... lol.. do you ever find that when you're giving out advice that you sometimes find a solution to your own personal issues? maybe give that a shot too... even if you aren't good at advice or dont feel adequet to do it, just type whatever come to mind... and if you mean it in the best intentions it will always be good advice... Because then a person know that they aren't alone, and there are people out there who are trying to help them... and that those people can see a future for them. Which could be just what someone needs to keep going.
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#8
Jan 01, 2012, 11:44 PM
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it's not that i can't fight any more - i just don't want to. i give up. the depression wins. i don't have the strength to fight it any more. i want to use my "get out of jail free" card. i quit. i'm not putting any more effort into this life. it's no longer worth it. i'm done. depression, you win!
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| Lexi232
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#9
Jan 02, 2012, 03:49 PM
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v.v ....
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#10
Jan 02, 2012, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Many of us have wanted to quit. But, darn! That ego of ours gets in our way and reminds us that we aren't quitters! So we pick ourselves up one more time and forge ahead. Life is worth it. I wouldn't be here today if I didn't learn to believe that. Not every day will be light and happy and carefree, but I always believe there is hope that something each day will remind me that life is worth it. Hugs to you and wishing you the courage to take another step towards healing.
__________________
Never look down on anybody, unless you are helping them up. |
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#11
Jan 02, 2012, 04:40 PM
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You're right when you say you don't want to. I've been there...more recently than I care to think about, and not that far away from where I am right now... But you can change your want to. Forget about (don't dwell on it, I mean) everything that is going on right now...every way people are telling you to think or act or any issues that are outstanding... wipe your plate clean. MENTALLY WIPE IT CLEAN RIGHT NOW. You, as of right now, have nothing on your plate (but to finish reading and thinking about this post.) You don't HAVE to do anything, do you? Nope. Now what really do you want to do? I know you don't really want to die or give up... I think I'm correct in saying that you want things to change from the way they have been! And you can change them. You can. But you do have to want to change them. I suffer with chronic pain, have for 25 years. I'm improving in my management of it (and no, if I had known it would have taken me this long I may not have continued trying.) But you don't have to go a long time now because of what we know about pain.... it's connected to how we think. Wow I know you probably are telling me off right now..but please listen. This does not mean that it's "all in your head" at least not the way you and I have been trained to believe that phrase. But the body/mind/soul/spirit (however you wish to group them) are so intertwined that what we think is what the body produces, what the brain believes is true and causes the body to create what is true for us (or what we are thinking etc.) The bad aspect of this is we can make ourselves hate ourselves, our bodies, sickness, pain, illness etc. The good aspect is we can reverse all that to where we can find a contentment in life. Just like our giving control to our negative reactions to our situations (in my case, a disabling injury) didn't occur overnight, taking back control with positive results is a process. Are you up to it? CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is a good start. This helps you identify the negative things that you are telling yourself. It also helps you "reframe" those thoughts and words into something that will, with time, heal you. It's worth it isn't it? To feel better? It isn't brainwashing (one of the accusations I told my own psychologist years ago)  It's positive regard. Block the bad thoughts, the negative comments you give yourself. You have a clean slate, remember? A clean plate. What do you wish to put upon it? You don't deserve to hate yourself. You don't deserve to be in pain and suffering. You are a good person, who is healing and needs patience with herself, and others. Things are not as bad as they feel right now...and they will be better in the near future. You can make it so. (Now I sound like Captain Picard!) Make a list of what you would do IF... and how you would have your life IF.... and then begin to walk towards those goals. If you believe in a higher power, then by all means involve him and trust. There are good books to read such as "Your Body Believes Every Word you Say" and "Who Switched Off My Brain?" that will back up what I'm telling you. This is good psychology. I think you really do want to live, but to live with contentment. You are the author of your life... the pain and suffering and frustrations are intrusions as you go your journey... intrusions you can now take control of. Do your best, it's a process remember? Small steps... "I want to heal" " I will manage my pain as best I can for now" "My best is good enough." "I will be patient with myself and give myself time to be me." Be well. 
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#12
Jan 02, 2012, 10:16 PM
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i'm so sick and tiered of this. my psychologist convinced me to tell my parents abut my depression. my sister was the one who told them, yet when i spoke to my mom tonight, she said nothing. my psychiatrist said i'm feeling great pain right now. he's adding a thyroid medicine that i just realized he wanted to give me months ago, but my endocronologist was hesiant. truthfully - i don't care what it does to me. maybe a coma would be a nice break. i really do trust my psychiatrist, so i'm not worried. i want out of this hell! what on earth am i fighting for? this pain is so great that i feel it physically. i need to escape! get me out of here! please..
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#13
Jan 03, 2012, 07:04 PM
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Quote:
And, interesting about the thyroid med - you might just discover that once it starts kicking in you will start feeling somewhat better!
__________________
Never look down on anybody, unless you are helping them up. |
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#14
Jan 03, 2012, 07:24 PM
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Well said, curlydee. I can totally relate to what you are saying. There are people out here who truly understand what you are feeling. Hang in there.
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