Any Similar Situations?

I am not trying to win a contest, or go fishing for sympathy, but I when I read accounts of others depression, or have participated in groups, I have yet to hear about someone with a similar situation. Mine is not the worst by any means, but I feel even more isolated because of it.

Summary:
-Have felt this way since college, 20 years - not always at the same level but always there, and has been pretty bad multiple times.
-Have yet to have any serious relationship . . . at all. not even close.
-No one incident, or condition caused it, its complete self-disgust
-Have been treating it pretty well the past 6 months, but seem to be relapsing

When I have read about others, many of them are married or have children. I realize that can make things worse, but at least there's some success socially. I've acclimated myself to existing alone for so long now, Im not sure I can live another way, even though I want to.

Anyone have similar situation or thoughts?

Again, just trying for a better understanding. Thanks in advance.

Hello & Welcome, Steve27!

I'm not in a similar situation, but I am aware of a number of folks posting here who

• have long-term depression/dysthymia/bipolar,
• have for a variety of reasons missed out on developing and sustaining close relationships throughout the years.

The Depression, Bipolar and Relationships & Communication forums will hopefully provide you with many stories and at least a few ideas.

My situation was kind of the same for a very long time. No real long term serious relationships, the longest being about a year, all ending badly.

No cause for my bouts of depression, other than genetics.

I just got married for the first time and I'm 44. I spend many long years living alone and wanting to be in a relationship. It sucks.

Lots and lots of self-loathing.

Therapy and meds helped a lot. But it didn't help with the relationship and loneliness problems.

The fact is depression just makes it harder to form and maintain relationships. It's not your fault.

Thanks for the feedback.

My biggest fear is that I've wasted the last 20+ years, plus that it gets harder to fix as I get older. Always been by myself.

Therapist and medication has helped my get up and go to work, but nights and weekends are me and my tv and computer.

Trying to avoid alcohol, but that shuts down most of my social situations.

Just day to day.

Ideas?

• Alcohol Free Meetup Groups
• Search: socializing "without alcohol"

I've been trying socializing without alcohol. Tough to do.

I'm sure I don't like being alone but I tend to gravitate to that.

It feels like my social life is twenty years behind my actual age.

My marriage lasted 10 years, was unhappy for at least 6 years, the end was very painful. I don't consider it a social success;-) I have had relationships, but not healthy ones. I have been alone for 5 years, and am profoundly lonely. I have been depressed all of my life. Currently I am severely depressed.... in bed all day and night, haven't paid bills, can barely brush my teeth. Nothing precipitated this.

being alone is hard and can be lonely. most everyone I know is happily married with kids. they don't have time for me. the longer I'm living alone, I wonder if I can ever live with anyone else. I'm so set in my ways. I wanna watch what I want to watch on tv, I have a certain way of doing things and I don't know if I want to compromise. on one hand I'm happy to be alone and live the way I want to live. on the other hand it's lonely at times.

a lot of times I feel like my life has passed me by. I should have tried harder when I was younger to find someone and now it's too late for the husband/kids/happy household.

I feel your pain!

I've been divorced for four years now, and live alone. While I'm proud of myself for starting completely over, it's been a very tough, lonely road. I've dated, but most haven't lasted a year. Most just last a few months and POOF - that person disappears. I don't know if I'm too clingy or what. My last boyfriend told me my expectations were too high.

Yeah - being with me and being there for me. Hmmmm - too high?

I got used to being married, and now I'm having to deal with everything alone. I'm 40, have no kids, and no prospects on the dating circuit. It is tough, and I can completely empathize with everyone who posted.

This definitely gave me some perspective. I can't imagine the pain of ending a marriage. And I don't necessarily want to trade places with some of my married acquaintances. But Profound loneliness is a good way to put it. Sometimes I seek that out because its what Im used to. But forcing myself to be around other people sometimes works, other times, no so much.

This is just about dead on about what goes through my head. The "life passing me by" part is what troubles me the most. Spending weekends and nights in my apartment doing next to nothing is not living life. I rarely answer the phone and never make plans with anyone. I deliberately avoided family and friends last year out of pure humiliation. Things have changed, some for the better, but is this all there is?

I'm not sure that mine is similar, but here's my sitch:

I'm 22 years old and never had a relationship, period. I probably never will. I am disgusted with myself I suppose, well, I hate everything. I never speak irl unless someone asks me to specifically. I have never seen anyone happily married with kids in my life. I wouldn't call being married or having had children a success by any stretch of my imagination. I think marriage is just a tradition with a lost meaning. You might think I'm a freak, which I probably am, but I think that having kids is the same if not worse than murder.

Hi, I'd like to join the club. At least we could throw ourselves a little imaginary party.

I'm 24 and the only relationship I had lasted for three months and I was 19. I've been on my own since then. It was okay for the first few years, it stopped feeling okay two years ago. Now, I'm so messed up that I don't really think I'm capable of falling in love and sustaining a relationship. So I'm slowly picking up names for my future twenty cats. x)

Do you have a problem with alcohol? I wondered because there is so much socializing that can be done without booze. Do you like physical activities like jogging, biking, skiing, skating, swimming? Do you have a pet? It's still a man's world, and men my age are still the ones to ask a woman out, so if I seriously wanted to date I would either join activities where I'd be likely to meet men (who might ask me out), or I'd join a dating site or ask my friends for introductions to their eligible friends. Have you considered volunteering anyplace? You don't have to let your life continue in the same way; you can make changes. Courage!

A lot of those activities are hard to do when depressed. With low energy and a loss in interest in many things, Ive become pretty boring person. The only fun Ive had is when i drink with friends. And normally I have way too much and dont remember much the next day and I feel more dy but I still felt like depressed afterwards.

Right now Im trying to avoid social drinking or drinking of any kind, now at my age, there are fewer options. I went 4 months without a drop last year and it was good for me physically, but thank goodness my job kept me busy on some nights and weekends.