[whimsygirl]

Hi agma.....I'm so sorry this is going on. I had a (kind of) similar thing happen several years ago when I was a full time X-Ray tech in a local hospital. I broke my ankle, had to have extensive surgery, (by a doctor at our hospital, btw), and had to be off work for 4 months. When I returned I was suddenly a part time employee, which caused my benefits.....including my health insurance to change so I had little coverage. And a fairly new tech....everybody's "little darling", was suddenly full time. When I confronted my department manager (who I did not love), she had the nerve to tell me that she never KNEW I was a full time employee! Seriously??! (I had been for over 3 years.) Bottom line....I hope somehow your situation gets resolved so you feel better about things......Hug. ~whimsy

[whimsygirl]

My goal for the day is to be more "task oriented", because lately I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not going forward ~not getting anywhere.....and I'm sooo frustrated with myself. Need to remember one of my favorite sayings of all time..... "The only time you can fail is the last time you try." Amen to that. Hope everyone has a decent ~good day

[Rachel.i]

Very little sleep, like a broken record. Getting ready to go or to eat with hubby, then a concert.

[Bark]

Decided to take a nap around 7 PM yesterday. Ended up sleeping on and off till almost 9 AM the next day. Of course I was still tired.

My mood is back to "normal" today. Did some stuff today, a little sport, that was nice. Now, though, I'm feeling down. I just don't feel like doing anything. Not studying, not really chatting... there's a PM I want to reply to but I don't feel in the right state of mind to. I've gone back to feeling hopeless and useless and just a bother for everyone. I caught myself thinking about how I don't have friends... but I do! But I can't help but feel that they're not really friends, and don't really care for me.

Gah, I hate feeling depressed. I wouldn't be surprised if my brain adjusted to the medication. Depressed with sleep problems (still keep waking in the night)... I hope that I'll get better, but I might have to play with another medication.

This is the last thing I need right now. I kept asking my counsellor last week, what if it doesn't work? He basically reassured me, and said if it doesn't, then we'll see what to do. But how are my professors supposed to accommodate me when I find it hard enough to read and papers seem out of the question?

I hate this rollercoaster ride. I want it to end... somehow.

[whimsygirl]

I hate this rollercoaster ride.
Oh man.....Amen to that!

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Very little sleep, like a broken record.

Better luck tonight Rachel.....

[Hatter08]

Just went for a walk today waiting for someone to call me about a job. Wandered around town for a couple of hours then came home and laid down for most of the day, just thinking. Tired of being alone and having no one to talk to. Just generally feel unloved.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by alone in the world

have not checked in lately because I have been able to keep the depression under control. I have even begun volunteering, and have started back with classes so I am breaking out of this isolation. I just hope I can continue on this cloud for alaong period of time, I am so tired of being tired.

Good for you. Sometimes, it is in doing that we find more strength and energy. I hope this continues for you in a good direction.

[Rose76]

I'm still not back to what I call my baseline, when I feel hopeful and get things done.

I was with someone, yesterday, and I think some comments made to me were not so nice. I told myself that they were just careless words . . . not words I should read much into. No, this person tests people a lot. I didn't deserve that.

But I did get a few things done today. Over a week depressed. Hope to get back where I was.

[notablackbarbie]

I'm back to loudly wondering why I should continue.
I'm back to just giving up more and more.
I'm scared to try again at all when its so much, compared to me as a screwed up mess.
I've failed and its too late....
......

[James0805]

Originally Posted by f.reliant

Down and sick and feeling worthless for not having done a darn thing today. Each day is an opportunity and today I threw it away.

I've done a lot of that in my life. I know how it feels to get down on myself for procrastinating. I have a bad habit of it. I try to just do a tiny bit of something or at least tell myself to. I'm not always successful. I feel for you.

[alone in the world]

THe start of another day that has potential to go down hill due to doing something I am not comfortable with. The past couple of days my mood has remained stable. Guess going back on meds really makes a differeance.

[whimsygirl]

So discouraged with the return of my back pain. Oh how I'd love to sit in a hot tub ......

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by notablackbarbie

I'm back to loudly wondering why I should continue.
I'm back to just giving up more and more.
I'm scared to try again at all when its so much, compared to me as a screwed up mess.
I've failed and its too late....
......

I'm sorry you are feeling the pain of failure . . . and discouragement, which is an even worse pain to feel (IMO.) (((HUGS)))

[Rachel.i]

Thanks whimsy! I did have better luck last night!

[whimsygirl]

In the ditch yet again. Tired of living so close to the edge.

[Phoenix*1]

Originally Posted by konrei

Previous is closed due to 100 page limit so starting again. Same thing as the always.

Still feeling down since yesterday, going to look something to make me happy.

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I think it is cool to have a daily check-in. I spoke to my mom yesterday and I was in tears and just sobbing because of everything that I have had going on for months. She was actually supportive, so I took her words and just clung to them. It did make me feel a little bit better for a few moments. However, today...different story.

I still feel very down, frustrated, tired/achy and wish I could just sleep a little longer. I wish I wouldn't have to go to work today. I don't feel like it but I have to. If I don't I run the risk of loosing my salary. With the job I have, I feel like I have no life and that this company is sucking whatever joy I have out. My family and I are in a lot of debt too..so I need to go. I just wish that I could have a break....like 3-4 days or something like that. *sigh* off to work..

[Rachel.i]

Slept a good nine hours straight yesterday. I know I seem obsessed with sleep but before I was put on a small dosage of Seroquel the docs had tried everything and I went years with very little sleep. It was common for me to go nights in a row with zero sleep, then get maybe two-three hours, then start the cycle over. I barely functioned. Sometimes I still have bad mini-cycles of poor or little sleep but it usually breaks, and I'm hoping it has.

Anyhow, feeling much better. Mood is ok, but I have been battling guilt at feeling like I put my brother, mother, and sister out. It wasn't anything drastic but word got around about some difficulty I was having, and all of them contacted me, more then once. And they really all have enough serious problems of their own to deal with... not of their own making, but they don't have it easy.

This is not typical. Not at all. I don't usually get them involved in my problems, but one person told another, till they all knew. They weren't mad, just puzzled, because I am supposed to be "the strong one" in the family. I know it was from my best friend, whom I've known since we were kids. I tried to call her afterwards, and she didn't even answer the phone.

I know she's having her own really tough problems, she's not been herself for a long while, and she only told told my brother, but I still feel dismayed. I really feel like I've lost her because she has changed so much in the past years. And it's like she handed me off and told my family to deal with it. Plus wouldn't even take my call afterwards... that's the worst part... and I do not bother her with my problems rarely ever these days because I know she is fragile, and brittle, now. Oh well, enough rambling. It did help by just putting my thoughts into words, though.

Today is a new day, and I'm gonna try and focus on the present.

[Rose76]

Rachel.i - Sleep is as essential as Oxygen. That's great that a small dose of Seroquel is helping. With rest, other things may become more manageable.

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

In the ditch yet again. Tired of living so close to the edge.

(((((whimsygirl))))

I really hope you will get out of that ditch soon.

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Rachel.i - Sleep is as essential as Oxygen. That's great that a small dose of Seroquel is helping. With rest, other things may become more manageable.

Thanks much, Rose. I used to sleep like a rock when I was younger, and I couldn't have imagined how an almost total lack of sleep would be. What you said is so right.

[dazedandonfused]

I'm very anxious today. Very anxious I feel like I can't breathe...............

[agma]

Feelingvery irritated today and angry and tired. I just want this week to be over.

[Bark]

When I mentioned a roller coaster ride, I had no idea.

Last night and this morning, I was just... so down. Agitated, irritable, didn't feel like doing anything or seeing anyone or going to class. Saw my counsellor, and he said he'll contact my doctor for me (because I couldn't be bothered). The meds just don't seem to be helping.

Then I leave, go to my next class after a while in the sun.... Then, after my class, I'm in a better mood. I went by my counsellor for a minute because, well, it was weird, and slowly I started getting a bit hyper. So my counsellor saw me speaking real slow and being all agitated, and then maybe a little less than four hours later, I'm speaking fast and upbeat and feel like studying and... feel much better. Now I've gone down to my 'normal' mood, which is where I'm usually at.

It's crazy. Now this is a real roller coaster. Hopefully I don't get "brain zaps" coming off this medication.

[Hatter08]

Hey, everybody. Thanks for all the support through all of this, feeling a little bit better today. I hope everyone here gets to feeling better as well. Bark, I've experienced constantly changing moods but mine are usually more subtle unless I'm going through something serious. I really hope you get to feeling better. It seems like the people on here are more of a family to me than the one I have in real life.