Ilardi's Depression Cure/Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC)

I've been keeping up with this program fairly well. I've had the stomach flu for the last three days, so I've had a bit of a blip. That actually effects just about every one of the parts of the program. Last night I slept only 3 or 4 hours for example. And it's hard to swallow fish oil when you can't hold anything down. But until the flu hit I'd been doing fairlly well, and I'm not depressed at all.

I got my light box yesterday, and I'm using if for the first time right now. I'm actually finding it a bit unpleasant at the moment, but that may have as much to do with flu as with shining a bright light in my eyes first thing in the morning.

Hmph... Well, so far the light hasn't helped with sleep!

Ok, let me be fair. Yesterday was my first use, and it's supposed to take a few days to a week before it helps. And I've been sick with the stomach flu for the last three days, so I've been getting too much rest anyway. And the cat decided that I had to get up at 3 am to attend to his needs - after which I didn't get back to sleep.

Still I guess I'm a bit disappointed. I'm not depressed, though. Just a bit grumpy - as you'd expect from someone who didn't get enough sleep last night and is emerging from the flu to discover - yet again - that the other human occupant of this house apparently doesn't know where the trash cans are and doesn't know how to wash a dish. Groan!

Day three with the light box. You're supposed to use it at about the same time every day - including weekends. I started almost two hours later this morning. Ah, well.

Haven't been able to keep up with the exercise portion due to illness. I hope I'm feeling better soon.

Day four with the light box. I'm not noticing any amazing improvement - in sleep, energy, mood.

Maybe it is like a pot and doesn't boil if you watch it--that is, if you scrutinize your mood everyday, it doesn't seem to help. I'd give it time and don't obsess over it.

Hope you're feeling better! I was sick since New Year's Eve so I know how it sucks.

Does anyone really think that some or all of these recommendations will /could work?
I 'll try almost anything that does not include dancing naked at midnight outside.
(It 's too cold and the sight of me bouncing around naked could frighten someone to death!)

But I 'm so very tired of this day in & day out.
I want my life!
My doc has recommended Omega 3s for many of my physical maladies.....so?
The excercise worries me tho.....I am disabled.
Summerbrze

You're probably right. I didn't post this morning because yesterday I felt like it was the first day I might have seen an improvement, and I didn't want to jinx.

These last two days I've actually seen an improvement in my mood and my energy. Not going to get too excited yet. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but my mood is brighter than I can remember in ... well, ever.

We'll see. A day at a time.

I do, otherwise I wouldn't be trying them.

I think that's the challenge with depression. You get so tired and so hopeless that it's very difficult to motivate yourself to try. And then depression tricks you into believing you're not worth the effort, you don't deserve to feel good.

I think most people have moments of increased energy. Even depressed people. If you can catch yourself in a good period, maybe you can gather the energy to start. Maybe you'll see good results, and the energy will grow.

Are you taking it?

Exercise is hard for me, and I'm not disabled. What is the disability? Maybe we can brainstorm for ideas that would get your heart rate up.

Well, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all this stuff. I feel like a juggler trying to keep six balls in the air at once.

The fish oil and the light, I'm doing. Check.

The not ruminating and the social contact, I'm doing. Check.

The exercise, I haven't been able to get back to since I had the flu. So I've dropped that ball.

The sleep isn't as good as I would hope for., although it's also not as bad as it could be.

The mood is okay. Certainly not depressed.

Don't feel bad...in the past two weeks, I've maybe been to the gym once or twice It happens.

I'm glad your mood is improving though. It's really interesting to see how this program is working for you.

I'm still keeping up with everything but the exercise part.

It seems to be working well. I do feel much better than I was feeling in early December - which was beyond awful, possibly the worst I've felt in many years. But I think I'm actually feeling better that I felt before I sunk into that depression in December. I mean I feel better than my former 'normal.' I seem to have a bit more energy. Not a lot but some.

I've been complaining about my job for years but feeling really trapped there. Then suddenly last week, I thought, "I could find a different job." And I felt just really hopeful about it. Not like in the past where I felt either really desperate or just hopeless. So, my goal is to be working at a different job by the end of 2013. And it feels doable. That's a huge change in my attitude.

My son has commented on it, but he sees it as me being 'distant.' I'm thinking maybe less reactive is more like it. It's interesting that he's seeing it as something to worry about, and I'm feeling really content. I wonder if it's a case of when you change the people around you have to adjust to the new you and they're not sure they like it much. Sometimes people do want to keep you in your 'role.'

I can't wait to see how it goes when I get that exercise piece in place. I definitely think that will help.

There was an article on I think the msn.com headline roll that mentioned a study in which omega-3 pills proved to be less effective than eating actually fatty acids foods (salmon). It was studying heart health and not mood or cognitive functioning though. I take them everyday so I'm going to discredit that just to keep feeling like I'm helping myself

It's good to feel energetic and hopeful. How's the job market where you're at? Would it be relatively possible for you to switch jobs?

I live in the Chicagoland metro area, and my mom has been searching for full-time employment for a while. It isn't easy here. I'm unemployed as well, but I haven't really been seriously trying to get a job. <- That isn't likely to happen. I've been procratinating redoing my resume for weeks even because I don't want to screw around with formatting in Word. Honestly, I lack the will, energy and desire to commit to anything. As you can tell, I'm in a stunning mood today...

Ahhh...I understand the distant thing. There's a lot of **** in my family life, and I literally need to completely disengage from it if I want any sembelence of peace in my life. I frequently don't even talk to my mom because I don't want to stress of the conversation degrading into a circular argument. I'm not reactive. My mom says it's lacking compassion, but I worry that I'm losing my ability to feel and express emotion. I don't know if its a symptom or a defense mechanism.

Sorry about this post. Hope you're having a good day.

That may be true, and I went through a period where I ate a lot of fish, but ... Idk, I guess I didn't keep up with it.

Honestly, I don't know. I've had the same job for 16 years. I haven't looked for a job recently. I signed up for an account on usajobs.gov. Maybe something will come up there. If I don't find anything, I still have my current job. (Yuck!)

I mentioned to my mom yesterday that I wanted a new job by the end of the year, and she said, "It's not a good time to be looking for a job, is it?" This from a woman who worked her last job for like 20 years - and hated every minute of it. She came home complaining nightly. I remember on her 60th birthday, I walked into the house and said, "Happy birthday, mom!" She scowled and said, "Five more years to retirement!"

So I guess I come honestly by both the negative thinking and the willingness to stay in a job I hate.

It's funny you say that, because I don't feel like I'm being more distant with my son, but the one conversation we had yesterday almost degenerated into a fight. Then he accused me of coming into the house in a bad mood - which is totally not true. I had a great day, and I'd bought a new cookbook and some food, so I was excited about making a meal. I was not in a bad mood until he started sniping at me.

Sorry to hear that.

I am having a good day. Thanks! Hope yours picks up for you.

Fish, especially the fatty acid kind, is expensive, especially if you want the non-forgeign, wild-caught variety that they recommend. With fish you have to be careful about toxin levels and other chemicals being absorbed or fed. It would figure a food that was good for you had so many limitations

It's not exactly the same as a lightbox, but I realized my bedroom is really, really dark. It's a relatively large room with only a single floor lap in the corner. I put another lamp on my teevee stand, but it's still dark in here. I'm thinking if I had more light, I might not get as tired or unmotivated so easily. Worth looking into...if for no other reason than I am going to kill my eyes. I stare at a screen all day in a dark room (plus, I wear contacts way too much).

Do you think contacts make a difference? I did some research on vitamin D a couple of years ago. I found that glass will filter out almost all of the light waves that help you make vitamin D. If you want light exposure for vitamin D production, you can't do it through a pane of glass.

I have really bad eye sight, so I almost always wear glasses or contacts. I wear glasses while I'm sitting in front of the light box. I do wonder sometimes if it makes a difference. I hope not.

Just wanted to report that I'm sticking with the program - even the exercise portion. I haven't been depressed since a couple of days after I started. I'm not feeling that boost of energy I had for a while there, but I'm not depressed.

^ So the lightbox was a good investment? Maybe I'll save up for one.

Do you swim regurarly as excersize? Do you think you think more while swimming because you can't listen to music or talk? If so, what ramifications does that have? I always liked excersize because it was just me and my thoughts to decompress, but too much silence makes me anxious.

I feel like I've been hit by something. This morning when I was at the gym (went back after a week without) and my legs were hurting. Maybe I was dehydrated or something, but I don't usually hurt that much. I'm sort of worried why I feel so run down. It's been this way for over a week. I did change my medication dose two weeks ago so potentially that could be making me sluggish, headachy and unmotivated. Or it could be the original illness, but I don't really feel depressed. Maybe I'm taking the wrong medicine. Effexor has been given me headaches from the start, but it seems to take the edge off the really bad feelings (you know like the feeling that I'll be going crazy any minute now so I better kill myself before I become an even worse failure) and well, all feelings--though, I have brief breakthroughs where I act or feel like myself (my non-depressed self who never sticks around very long. I miss them). I've suffered so much from starting and stopping meds lately that even if Effexor isn't helping, I might stick around with it because I don't want to suffer anymore. I've read that you have more of a chance of relapse if you have residual symptoms, though so I should do something about them.

I'll probably talk to my pdoc when I go in mid-Feb. She might want to switch my med again. I should really bring up the fact that I have anxiety and ocd symptoms I don't really address. Effexor isn't helping those. Honestly, I don't think any drug can help me. I resisted them through worse depression, and I always found ways to come back to a happy state. *shrug* For what it's worth, I like my doc. She really seems determinded to get and keep me well. She's actually probably more determined than me...

I need to work on the social aspect of this program, usually it's my mom and the internet I talk to in a given day...

I personally think it was. I thought it would be a drag using it every morning, but so far I hop out of bed every morning and use it with no problem. I think it's been helpful.

I've been aiming for variety. So far it's been swimming and walking - and one day I used an aerobics video. I'm thinking about adding a bike at some point too.

I think too much no matter what I'm doing. Yesterday I took my dog for a walk at the dog park. We have a great off leash park near my house - walking paths through woods and even a little creek. It's very nice. Being out in nature takes me out of my thoughts, so I do like that.

I just learned to swim last January, so there's still a lot I can challenge myself with. For example I usually take a breath every other stroke in the front crawl. I've been working on breathing every fourth stroke. Also trying to alternate sides. Those challenges help keep my mind focused on what I'm doing.

Maybe you're coming down with something?



Sounds like you need to be gentle and non-judgmental with yourself right now. I do think this program has been useful for me, and I'd recommend it to others. Just do the best you can. If you don't have the energy for 30 minutes of vigorous exercise, maybe a 10 minute stroll - with the sun on your face if you can arrange it - would be enough for now.

Well, this program might be helpful. And personally I like various kinds of CBT, DBT, and mindfulness approaches.

Nothing will completely irradicate all the bad feelings. This is something I'm wrestling with right now. I have this fantasy in which I find a way never to feel anxious, irritable, tired, etc., etc., etc., again. Ain't gonna happen. But even though I know it ain't gonna happen, it still feels like failure to have negative emotions. Stupid, isn't it?

I discovered a researcher on vulnerability and shame last week. Brene Brown. I'd never heard of her. She says when we try to numb our negative feelings, we numb our positive feelings too. Makes perfect sense, but it's so easy to forget.

The social aspects will be hard for me too. I haven't read that chapter yet to see if he has any suggestions. My social contacts are family and coworkers mostly. (I'm not counting Internet contacts.) Basically I'm an introvert and very happy alone. I'll have to force myself if I need to extend my social life beyond work and home/family. I'm not even sure how to do that.

This is a big challenge for me. I am facing stress in home life, communications challenges with mother and personal setbacks so there's a lot of numbing and always has been. I might be better off taking the sting of hurt, but how does one go about that?

I'm not gentle or non-judgemental with myself. And maybe I shouldn't be! I am not sticking with things that I know help. Instead I'm overly relying on medication that is making me tired and run down and doesn't even give me a full remission of symptoms. If anything, I need to be more harsh with myself in order to get back on track. It ain't funny all the bad decisions and wasted potential I have made in the past year. My failure to initiate is at the root of my depression and until I address that, I can whine and search for medications all I want, but things aren't going to get better.

You're sticking with this program well. If you all of a sudden stopped and fell back into depression, wouldn't you feel angry with yourself? That's how I feel, except on a repeated scale.

I think everyone has different needs for social relations. Is there a specific way of being or talking to others that you most feel comfortable with? Maybe eating lunch with a friend or family or having a friend accompany you on some errands or something else where hanging out isn't purely the focus so you can chat without all the pressure. Do you feel like talking to people online helps? I know when I was a teenager, it was my biggest source of friendship and talking, so it is definitely valuable.

I think you just have to be willing to experience the pain without suppressing or sedating. Not fun, but not as bad as you might imagine. It's not necessary to cling to the pain either. That's something to keep in mind as well.

Me either. I'm listening to Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly. She does have some specific actions you can take. I remember one thing she said was to treat yourself the way you would a friend. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.

I've found that treating myself harshly doesn't work. It's counterproductive. I do understand why you think that way. Healthy self-discipline is definitely good, but harsh treatment will backfire - just as it would if you tried that with your child or your pet or your employee.

I tend to think nothing is truly wasted. At the very least you can use your painful experiences to increase your compassion for others who are struggling with the same issues. (It's funny how we seem to be the most judgmental of those who have the same 'flaws' we perceive in ourselves. We can turn that tendency around.)

There's a kind of meditation you can do on the spot. When you feel something 'unpleasant,' you stop and extend compassion to everyone else who is in the same situation. You aren't alone. In this case, you could send compassion to all the people struggling with feeling 'stuck,' like they're wasting their potential.

None of this stuff is easy btw. It's hard to change habits of a lifetime. And your thoughts are just habits you can change with gentle persistence. Just don't get judgmental when you fail, because if you try this stuff, you will fail - repeatedly. It's taken a long time, but recently I've found myself occasionally automatically going to the new thoughts I'm trying to cultivate. If someone angers me, for example, I might move into trying to see things from their point of view. Doesn't mean I always act the 'right' way, but I don't feel as self-righteous while I'm acting out. And not feeling self-righteous really cuts off the fuel that feeds the thoughts, the feelings, and the behavior.



Would you tell a friend in your position that they were whining?

Ah, but I came here today to report that I haven't kept up with it well over the last week. And my mood isn't as good as it was. I can honestly say I don't feel angry with myself. A word that Pema Chodron uses a lot is 'curious.' I'm curious about what's going on.

When you can shift to curiosity instead of harsh self-judgment, you're shifting your mind from the amygdala to the frontal lobes I believe. Then you have access to your resources, and you can do something productive.

In my case, my sleep has fallen apart due to things beyond my control (a noisy neighbor and my son getting home late from work - I stay up in case he needs to talk when he gets home). As a result of the lack of sleep, the exercise portion fell apart too. And a bit of rumination has started.

No problem. I can get back into the groove. I had the sheriff talk to my neighbor about the noise ordinance, so it's peaceful here again. Not sure what to do about my son coming home late, but at least that's predictable, so it's less stressful.

Yeah. I get a lot of my social contact at work. My biggest worry is what I'll do when I win the lottery and quit my job.

I do think it's useful, but it's not like face-to-face contact. I think we need that.

How are you holding up, Costello?

I'm doing fairly well. Thanks for asking.

I'm keeping with the program about as well as I'd thought I would - which is hit and miss. I've given up on perfection as a lifestyle, though, to hit and miss is good enough. As predicted, the exercise and social contact pieces are the hardest for me to keep up. I'm still trying, though.

My mood is decent. No depression.

Well, the main thing is that you are at least making an effort. It sounds like you found a book that is really helpful!

It's good that you're not depressed. Whether or not you are sticking to the plan word-for-word, resolving/ preventing depression is the goal, so you're doing well Hope you keep it up!

Well, I'm feeling pretty down right now. And I'm noticing an interesting pattern. I feel really cheerful as the weekend approaches, and I start feeling bad as the weekend ends. My job has been making me unhappy for many years, but it's so much worse recently. I really need to change jobs. And all the fish oil in the world isn't going to fix that.