death of best friend

one of my best friends died over a year ago. I can not seem to get back to normal. Everytime i get stressed i shut down and push the people who love me the most away. I just lost a relationship of almost two years because of this. She refuses to try again if i do not get help since this is not the first time we have gone through this. I tryed counselling but it just did not work for me. I need a way to help myself and to show her that im trying to better myself any advice would be much appreciated. She was with me through the accident; she has seen sides of me i could never show anyone and i dont want to lose her too.

Maybe you're still grieving. Was it grief counseling? Cause it sounds like you still have issues related to your friend's death and the accident. Maybe there's some guilt that you survived and she didn't?

Hello & Welcome Yettie181.
How often do you get stressed?
What kinds of things stress you this way?

I lost a good friend of mine at age 16. I'm 52 now and I swear the girl haunts me.I feel her presence every day. I can always say I have her by my side, if that helps, plus I pray for her and her family every day. I also lost my sister at 16 too in 1987, but her I don't feel so much anymore. Maybe I never got peace from the first one, it doesn't bother me it's just there. my sister used to bother me for years, but now I'm at the point of peace with her death, I just don't know why not the other one?

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. At where I work, I have a friend who's wife lost a good friend of her's a little more than a year ago. My friend's wife is 53 years old and I think that her friend was about the same age. She must have passed away from brest cancer.

My friend has been telling me that she has been difficult to deal with because of her friend's death. He told me that it's been over a year and that she should be over it by now.

I told him that he should be more understanding on how she feels. This guy has a very positive and outgoing personality. He does not understand depression and anxiety very well. I know because I talk to him about my anxiety and he always says to "snap out of it!" There are certain kinds of people that tragedies just rub right off of them. That's not me. But at least he told me that now he and his wife are reading a book on depression so that he can understand her better.

I have never lost a friend due to death, but I feel that it can be much harder to take than losing your parents, if your parents lived to be very old. There's something about losing a friend around your age that really hits home.

The relationship was not directly lost from accident it was loss due to me shutting down sorry if wording was confusing. i'm in my last year of high school. last fall i was at a gravel pit with five of my friends and two of them went on a scooter to go to are drug dealers. Jacob the oldest of the two was going to introduce Logan to him. they only had one helmet when they left but they were stooping at a close by friends to grab another. they were hit buy a half ton at a intersection before they got the other helmet. The one who was my best friend Logan died on impact because he was not thrown off but Jacob was thrown off. He died that night but he might have survived if they had got helmet. I only mentioned one friend before because i was new to this site and did not know if would continue to use it. The counseling i attended was for grief but i did not find it helpful. i have considered going back but my file has been closed and it took me months to get in the first time. I'm hoping that other people who have gone through tragedy could give me pointers on how they copped. I have recently decided to start bird watching in memory of Logan and although it is winter and i cannot start anytime soon i have found the idea comforting. Any suggestions would be much appreciated even if i cannot fix myself in time to save this relationship i realize that i'm young and being healthy is the most important thing for me now.

can someone also let me know how long before i do not have to wait to post

it really depends on what is going on in my life but it seems like every 2-3 months for sure but sometimes i can remain in this state for a month or sometimes a could have many short spells in a shorter time frame. Exams are always a trigger for more than the obvious reasons; it was a unspoken tradition for use all to go down to my friends house after are exam to wait for the bus. We would get stoned and munch out and just relax to help with the stress involved with exams. I really find myself missing both the tradition and the therapy it gave.

two of my friends dyed that night and i think i have a idea of where your coming from. I had a much different and stronger relationship with L (my best friend) then i did with J. J was more of a friend through association but for the year before the accident i seen him almost every week or multiple times a week, so i had developed a pretty strong relationship with him. I feel bad for this sometimes but i was able to move on from J's death after only a month or so, but L's still haunts me. I think its natural for different loses to affect
us differently.
Also i use to be religious but i lost my faith sometime ago, but not from accident. I often envy people with faith for having that way of copping and understanding things, but no religion seem to make sense to me anymore. It kinda makes it harder sometimes because people well say well you always have them watching over you and such, but for me i'm not sure that is a possibility and i feel like im missing out on this crutch most people have.

I lost my VERY best friend of 60 YEARS 2 weeks ago. I met her when I was 4 years old, and we've been inseparable ever since. She knew all my secrets and I knew all hers. I attended her funeral last Friday. Other than my husbands' funeral, it was the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do. i never thought I'd make it thru -- my daughter had to go with me.

When death comes to a loved one, yes we grieve. Some of us grieve more than others, and that's when we need help. We either see a grief counselor or we go into therapy. You may need both.

You say that therapy didn't help you. Well I say that you didn't stay in therapy LONG enough. You sound like someone who expected results almost immediately and that just doesn't happen. You have to be patient and realize that the therapist MUST start at the beginning -- from childhood all the way to the present, and that takes TIME. You cannot expect immediate results. We didn't get this sick overnight. It took YEARS to get this sick, and it might take a long time to get well again.

So please -- get back into therapy. I have a feeling that this grief you're feeling is MORE than just grief. I think it goes further back than the death of your best friend.

Call a therapist and start sessions. You will NOT regret it, I promise. And your relationship will grow again, and it will be twice as good as it EVER was. God bless and please keep us informed as to how you're doing. Hugs, Lee

sorry for the loss of your friend

hugs..

So sorry to hear of your friend's death. The more we loved, the more we hurt.
Grief isn't on a time table, or in the stages books say.
We each must wade through it, face it head on...on the days we are able. This takes time and patience.
Hugs from one grieving soul to another.

thanks to everyone i'm finding this site really helpful. peace & love

Well, my own opinion is that if it's necessary to take two or three years to grieve, so be it. We put far too much stress in this society on speed and action.

There is a time for inner recouperation, too, and that can't be rushed. Give yourself time to fully absorb the personality of the one who died and then move on in a more positive way with your other friends.

A friend is going to be there for you, regardless. One who isn't with you isn't necessarily on your side in the long run.

Ease up on yourself, is my honest view, and let yourself feel all that you need to feel so that when you move on, you're very stable in that.

A little paperback called "Forgiving and Moving On" is helpful for resolving feelings.

That's what we're doing when we grieve.