[Starla Dear]

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have several deadlines in the next two weeks, and I'm feeling so depressed and fatigued that I just can't concentrate on my work. Also feeling hopeless and irritated I'm going through a downturn in my mood again. I had four whole months of not feeling awful. (I can't remember the last time that happened.) And now it's gone.

This is my first post here. The one positive thing about today is that I found this place. I hope I can finally meet people who understand.

[Nammu]

I had a convention that I was committed to last week(guilt made me attend-except for a couple of Dr appointments I haven't left home since the end of Jan.) So I haven't posted here for almost 2 weeks. I could barely get though it, and ended up spending money I haven't got on a Spa massage. It was my first massage and I have to admit it was glorious I do understand now why people spend money on that. I made it to Tuesday when the pain got so bad I could hardly walk to the next presentation. So I took the rest of the day off got a massage & went to the art museum by boat. I couldn't do the museum though-walking was out of the question. That was so very disappointing the museum had tons of sculpture from ancient times, Egyptian, mesoamerican though Roman times & three-D art is my favorite.

The lectures were on 3 different floors w/ the elevators on the far side and all breakfast, lunch & dinners were serve yourself which got to be really hard on my back. But the food was fantastic-local grown & fresh w/ fish and vegetarian at every meal. It was mostly legal info on rights w/ a few lectures geared toward the mental illness rights. All in all I'm glad I went even if I couldn't move much. I really need to work on getting my car fixed so I can get to physical therapy. I also kept the rental car an extra day so I could shop and get some real food into the house. The I did request an interpreter for evenings and was able to participate in the after hours stuff and meet my peers from other states. I just wish I wasn't so apathetic so I could have done better. I've spent the weekend and last couple days just recuperating and using the TENS unit almost 24/7.

Mood wise I'm still apathetic, it took me until tonight just to unpack the lap top(that I left in the room safe the whole time as it was too heavy to carry around and by the time I returned to my room at the end of the day I was too tired and exhausted to pull it out). Although I just bought good food I'm back to eating junk because it requires no prep and my moods are definitely influenced by my nutritional choices.

I'm sorry I haven't been better at supporting people here, I don't know why that seems so hard right now.

(((Whim))) Happy belated B-day.

The first half of the day had lots of little setbacks. No big deal but it's the little things that can get to you. Last night I had a few things go wrong and the streak seemed to mesh into this morning.

I got up a little bit late. I turned on an internet radio station that I liked, but it was playing bad music. And then my coffee maker was not working. Looks like I'll have to buy another one, with my money being tight! For some strange reason, my neck hurt. And then some odd things happened at my job this morning.

But in the afternoon it got better and this evening. But also I got some questions and advice about things going on in my life from a couple of people. I found them to be annoying as I didn't want to discuss or hear about things.

[Turtleboy]

had a good nights sleep and the bug seems to be lifting a bit

[Bark]

Originally Posted by Starla Dear

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have several deadlines in the next two weeks, and I'm feeling so depressed and fatigued that I just can't concentrate on my work. Also feeling hopeless and irritated I'm going through a downturn in my mood again. I had four whole months of not feeling awful. (I can't remember the last time that happened.) And now it's gone.

This is my first post here. The one positive thing about today is that I found this place. I hope I can finally meet people who understand.

Hi Starla Dear. I'd just like to welcome you to PC and the Ups and Downs thread. I don't know if you could find a more understanding place.

[Melinae]

I feel the lowest of the low...I've no worth, I don't belong, no one needs me.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Melinae

I feel the lowest of the low...I've no worth, I don't belong, no one needs me.

you have a worth! i'm feeling low too, so let's go through this journey together... we can do this!

[herethennow]

sometimes when i look at normal people and them saying "i feel sad. i feel empty." i can't feel some sense of empathy for them. that in my brain i will always go "maybe for you it's easy to get out of it. i have to work doubly hard. even with medications i still have to work doubly hard." i hate this. i used to be someone who cared for others... where was the me who did so?

still feeling low. but as usual, for appearance's sake i will "suck it up" and look happy. having urges to si again and i don't know whether i can stop myself this time. i'm even thinking of buying new tools... this is bad

[leonard99]

I hear that it feels like a slog to get through this. Know that we are rooting for you!

Originally Posted by herethennow

sometimes when i look at normal people and them saying "i feel sad. i feel empty." i can't feel some sense of empathy for them. that in my brain i will always go "maybe for you it's easy to get out of it. i have to work doubly hard. even with medications i still have to work doubly hard." i hate this. i used to be someone who cared for others... where was the me who did so?

still feeling low. but as usual, for appearance's sake i will "suck it up" and look happy. having urges to si again and i don't know whether i can stop myself this time. i'm even thinking of buying new tools... this is bad

[shortandcute]

I saw an orthopedic specialist today about my wrist. I have severe arthritis and have to wear a splint--and he wants me to touch base with him in six weeks. It was hard enough for me to keep my dishes washed due to my depression--now I can't do them at all! It's such a pain in the donkey to get my kids to anything!

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Starla Dear

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have several deadlines in the next two weeks, and I'm feeling so depressed and fatigued that I just can't concentrate on my work. Also feeling hopeless and irritated I'm going through a downturn in my mood again. I had four whole months of not feeling awful. (I can't remember the last time that happened.) And now it's gone.

This is my first post here. The one positive thing about today is that I found this place. I hope I can finally meet people who understand.

I'm glad you found us. It's been a wonderful place for me to come and talk openly. I hope it's a good fit for you and that you'll find encouragement.

[shortandcute]

I'm exhausted! I went to see an orthopedic surgeon about my wrist--and I don't need surgery, but I have bad arthritis (surprise, surprise) and I have to wear a splint for now. After I came home, I volunteered at the thrift for about an hour and a half, tried not to do anything that would strain my hand. For some reason, the two wiped me out.

[gracez]

I hate my life. This is no life.

[Turtleboy]

ugh i cant sleep its sooooo hot !

[Nammu]

I feel insubstantial, as if I don't really exist any more. So disconnected.

[Fuzzybear]

overwhelmed...

[Turtleboy]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

overwhelmed...

(((((fuzzy)))))

[Bark]

I. hate. my dreams. And yet I love sleeping. I think I'm going to force myself to stay awake rather than rolling over and going back to sleep. I had a dream where I realized I was asleep and tried to get out. I think I just got trapped in another dream.

I wonder if my irritability these days is situational (my sister driving me insane), or some remnant of the depression, or the medication I'm taking, or all three. It's a bit too much.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by gracez

I hate my life. This is no life.

((((gracez)))) hope you'll find a respite from this soon...

[herethennow]

sometimes i wonder "what the heck did i do? what happened till it became this way?"
but i guess for some things in life, there aren't any answers.

frustrated. i want to get away from this pain. i want to run away from all this pain... but i shall try what my pdoc say to me "confront the pain. what shape is it in? is it somesort of an empty vacuum kind of pain? does it get worse with every beat... hold it dear to you. because it's a real feeling, and it's precious."

that being said, it's easier to run away from it... confronting it seems so tiring, and painful.

UPs
My daughter is spending the weekend with me!
DOWNs
Her mother is back to only speaking to me in formalities. This too shall pass and hopefully by Sunday when I take her home it will be better. If it IS better, I will leave there and buy a powerball ticket!

Don't want to try out any more new meds anx is almost intolerable and i feel like i'm underwater..

[konstargirl]

I had a awful dream last night when someone told me this. It still haunts m.

"Congrats Olive. You are the worse friend that people could ever have. The world would be better off without you."

Maybe it is true..

[phaset]

Just got back from therapy... I feel trapped inside of myself and don't know how to put into words what I need to say. I tried talking about something and then hit a wall. It wasn't terrible though and I have some hope it will get easier. I'm not in too bad of a mood right now either.

My wife wants to go out to eat somewhere tonight. I was up for it earlier, not too sure now. I'll go anyway. Hopefully I will find something spicy to eat.

[Melinae]

Horrible day so far