[dexter]

I've just been really down these past few days or weeks. I made a new friend in one of my support groups and now I find myself with growing feelings leading to unreasonable expectations and me getting hurt again althought i should know better by now.

as i said elsewhere my sleep cycle is changing, i'm hoping it is leading toward something better but in the meantime i feel worse than ever and i have to admit that i haven't taken my meds for two days. i've been waking so late that i'm worried about them effecting my sleep if i took them so late in the day and plus i've just been too tired to deal with all the pills. i hope to get back on schedule tomorrow and try to force myself out of bed earlier if only to take my meds and then go back to sleep to stop this from becoming a habit.

i also had a bit of alcohol tonight maybe to help me sleep athough it isn't quite bedtime yet. i know this is a bad idea and don't plan to repeat it but felt i should "come clean" here so that i can't go into denial as to this slip against better judgement.

love you all

dave

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[somebodyelse]

((((((((((DAVE))))))))))))

How about changing that "hope to get back on schedule tomorrow" to "WILL get back on schedule tomorrow"? I know you've been having a hard time lately, but neglecting your meds and using alcohol to get to sleep will only make things worse.

Hurray for your courage in posting your confession!!!

Hi Dexter! Do you remember me? I was the person who told you about my first time at hospice? Thanks so much for being there for me. I really needed to chat that night.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this....but you are suffering from a severe case of boneheadedness. Don't worry - it's not fatal. You SO know better than this, sweetie.

You seem to engaging in some self destructive behaviors, perhaps encouraged by the depression, but certainly augmented by the lack of sleep. Nobody thinks sensibly without sleep. Use caution with this new friend and your developing feelings. I recall a pattern here...

I haven't kept up on your sad sleep saga - I just know you've been struggling. I'm sure you've tried the standards, ambien, desyrel...how about temazepam?

Now, just stop being a gooberhead. Drinking is just plain dumb - short term nap followed by hours of wakefulness. And, Hello??? Take your meds!! If you're confused about when and how much to get started again, call your pdoc asap. Good luck pookie.

Hugs - Emmy

[dexter]

I'm not confused about what to take. I WILL get back on schedule tomorrow including taking my scheduled doses tonight (I've been taking my nighttime meds to help me sleep).

Instead of waking up and getting dressed (I do shower and dress everyday) and then facing the day tomorrow, I will get out of bed when i first open my eyes at daylight and take my meds, if i get dressed at that point or go back to bed at least i won't be in a cycle of waiting to long and then not wanting to take them. i think in general i need to establish a better habit of taking them right after i dress rather than checking my email first because that always sucks me in with time and emotions and then it gets even later.

gooberhead may have been a good call because i had a peanut butter sandwich for dinner tonight. i was able to eat a little better than my unsuccessful attempt this morning.

>>Use caution with this new friend and your developing feelings. that is going to be so hard because i already very much value his friendship. we've been talking about this more, a few emails this evening, so at least the setting is very very clear with no expectations. unfortunately emotions don't play by the rules of logic and that;s what gets me into trouble. i've been straightforward about that with him (i've already shared the whole story concerning my disappointment two years ago) so at least all the cards are on the table from the get-go this time.

wish me luck and strength.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[somebodyelse]

Good morning, dexter. Good for you for changing the "hope to" to a "WILL"! If you are reading this and haven't taken your meds yet, you need to stop reading and take them now.

[FearsomeAnna]

Dex,

Meds! Meds now!

Speaking of which, I gotta go take mine.

Silly gooberhead. Alcohol only works in the short term and makes you feel worse in the end. I definitely get why though...

I've had a few of those nights myself.

I'm glad you had the courage to post your confession - much easier to stick to a resolution if 100 people are making sure you do it!

Good luck with your friend, and you are very sensible for setting boundaries now. Not rushing headlong into this lessens your chances of heartbreak later due to a foolish misunderstanding.

I'm happy for you, Dex!

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[nightdream]

Just wanted to send love and hugs your way! I have been following your posts here and I think you are a very good person, keep holding on tight, you will make it!

(((((((((((((((((((((((Dave))))))))))))))))))))))

with friendship
nightdream

[dexter]

>>If you are reading this and haven't taken your meds yet, you need to stop reading and take them now.

Well, I did stay in bed way too long again, finally "rose" early afternoon, but I did make the effort and take my meds as soon as I got dressed, before i started checking on the computer.

so I'm good for today and planning to stick to that routine.

the underlying problems are growing worse though, still feel hopeless and my will to keep fighting is getting lower everyday, i'm just getting so tired of the effort it takes plus looking in the face of growing financial problems, more rejection from the people in my life, etc etc etc

thanks everyone

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[somebodyelse]

Good for you, Dave! I really think that getting back on a regular schedule with your meds is a vital step toward feeling better.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so low right now; but remember that better days will come, if you keep fighting for them. It's hard to do that when you're facing problems that seem to be growing worse all the time, but you HAVE to keep fighting for yourself and your mental health. You deserve to feel so much better than you do now.

I'm proud of ya for taking your meds as soon as you got going today! Keep it up!


(((((((((((((((DAVE))))))))))))))

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Dexter}}}}}}}}}}

I am still giggling at Anna calling you a gooberheard .

Hope you are doing better today. You are a great guy and deserve so much happiness and comfort in your life.


Heather

[christie324]

Dexter:
Last year i was going thru days where i would just sleep and stay in bad all day ignoring all my other responsibilites. this is when i was waitressing (a temporary job that lasted for a year, a bad year). i was supposed to be looking for a job instead i slept and did use alchohol to help myself sleep at the time. Alchohol is bad for people like us, just makes us feel worse. i know b/c i drank the other nite and woke up yesterday with severe depression, so try to stay away from it. my mom ended up getting ill and i moved in to take care of her (i am 33 by the wayif it matters) that is where my life changed. i quit waitressing focused on my mom, she got better, i got stronger and found work. just lost my job and that put me into a depression for a bit but now i am kinda back on my feet although today and yesterday all i have felt is like sleeping all day and hiding from world. i still feel depressed today i admit. like crying. life is hard but we have to keep fighting and try our hardest to not be self destructive. it is hard i know b/c i have been thru it all. i think i may go lay down in a while. i was supposed to go to gym today but will do that tomorrow. it will all be ok. we have to be fighters and life is a journey that we have to face and enjoy the good with the bad. ok not that i have babbled on i hope at least some of that helped.