Good vs Bad - (feelings)

I am really not sure which way to turn..... for my thread is gone and it was helping ME to talk it out (TO VENT) and yet now I am afraid to go there again, for what if I say something again that is not allowed..... and yet I need / want to talk about it..... I am scared.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

* * * * * * * * *

I wish I could make this SONG real in MY LIFE..... to enjoy living with such passion.

When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine


....................................................... from Creed

Hey Rhap....

I know that song, I love the band Creed & yes it too is a song that picks me up & allows mw to keep living my life & to dream & wish!!!

I am sorry you are feeling so low, but remember, there is only one way to go & that is up!!! (or higher - lol)

Flinty

Please reach out and call people in real life. Please do not be alone with this. I am sorry for your pain and wish you peace.

(((((((((((((((( Rhapsody ))))))))))))))))))

You can discuss how difficult it was/is for you. Don't hesitate to check wtih me, another mod, the guidelines, etc. for posting requirements.

We care...

KD

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kimmydawn said:
(((((((((((((((( Rhapsody ))))))))))))))))))

You can discuss how difficult it was/is for you.

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It is soooooooooo hard right now and I do not know how to stop it................. i hate the feelings in me right now.

I HATE IT I HATE IT - make it STOP!!!!

Wish I had the magic Rhapsody. Please try to rest and/or call someone.

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wisewoman said:
Wish I had the magic Rhapsody. Please try to rest and/or call someone.

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Yeah I need a real BIG magic pill..... I just wish I could pack it all up and go some where for a while, but I do not work so I do not have $$$$ to take care of myself - i am trapped!

Going to BED - hoping for a better tomorrow.

good luck my friend.

Hi Rhapsody - i didn't see the thread that was deleted, but if you need to talk, feel free to pm me anytime. Busy with family so I might not get back to you immediately, but read my pms every couple of days or so. So if I can help at all please let me know.
So sorry you're feeling bad
(((Rhapsody)))

((((((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))))))

You are not alone in this world...... & yes always remember that tomorrow is a new day, we don't have to repeat the days that have already past!!

Everytime I have a bad day, I tell myself that tomorrow I will clean the slate & start again.....
We are the one who allow our state of mind & moods to be effected.....
Just keep telling yourself positive things hun!!!

My thoughts are with you!!

Checking in to say I AM STILL HERE - for those that are left concerned due to my irrational feelings right now...... I will come back after I have some thing to eat and a good hot cup of tea.

Thanks for caring..... Why can't I find you ppl in my RL?

Hope you feel better this morning after getting a bit of sleep?

Ok - I am back and here are the feelings I woke up with this morning.....

When I first woke up I felt lost and out of place, kind of like a bad child that had done something wrong and now I would be in trouble. I felt as though I should not feel like I want to end my life and yet I could not help it - the feelings were just there and I could not control them.... deep rooted wounds took hold from when I was 1 and 5 years old (up to 12).

I have been fighting so hard to stay here in this world and yet the wounds from my past will leave me be, therefore, it gets hard at times and especially during my monthly cycle for I suffer from PMDD and that is usually marked with a strong death wish (brought on my hormonal changes in the body) - a physical reaction that is hard to escape at times, even with medication for this disorder.

I want to live and then I want to escape.............. this roller coater ride of the mind is making my life a real h*ll hole to live in and through. HELP!!


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Feelings are just feelings, they are not actions anymore than a dream is "real."

That being said, I identify with your feelings during your periods, I use to get suicidal during mine in my 20's and it didn't really help to know the thoughts and feelings would lessen in a couple days or a week. It's truly icky to feel so lousy for even 10 minutes! (((Rhapsody)))

Do you take any vitamins? I fiddled around with vitamins when I was in my 20's and a good B complex usually helps me feel better. But I would get in touch with and talk with your T, PDoc, regular Doc, somebody. See if they have some ideas of how to help with this crisis of the moment?

Illusion

The sun rises to another day
My constitution keeps changing
'Til it slips away
So I lie awake and stare
My mind thinking, just wandering
Is anybody there?
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
Sitting in my room now
Hiding thoughts
Just hoping one day I'll get out
I hear a voice call my name
Breaking trance, so silent
So I can stay the same
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
Wait now, many things left unsaid
This life remains the same
But I change
I try to fool myself in believing
Things are going to get better
But life goes on
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion

................ is it an - Illusion?

((rhaps))) I too suffer from acute PMDD, and can get some nasty flashbacks during that time of month (which is right now for me)...one of the things I did for some time was keep a daily planner journal for my symptoms to track my worst times..it's really hard to deal with these feelings, but the thing I do is stay in this moment, remind myself that it's only a horrible, albeit traumatic memory, and will eventually pass (or this feeling will pass), they always do...I refocus my mind somewhere....anything to divert, and start putting positive things in myhead...even if it is the same thing over and over....I'm safe, I'm ok, it's just a memory, a feeling, I'm safe, I'm ok, I am good, I am strong, I am getting through this...on & on...

I changed a lot of things: my diet, exercise, things I watch, or do during that time, as well as the b-complex, it works wonders (going back on that myself)-and I always journal out what I feel when I feel this way...no sense letting it stay in my noggin, it's like poison, gotta get it out!!!

((rhaps)) you will get through this, the PMDD is really horrible, and I think when we get in our late 30s & early 40s it rears it's ugly head (one last hoorah!! before our reproductive cycles end).

Just know you are not alone!!! hugs, Lisa

Weathered

I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can’t seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can’t accept the life that’s mine
No I can’t accept the life that’s mine

Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference
yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I’m calloused to the bone
Maybe that’s why I feel alone
Maybe that’s why I feel so alone

Me…I’m rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I’m covered with skin that peels and
it just won’t heal

The sun shines and I can’t avoid the light
I think I’m holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up

Me…I’m rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I’m covered with skin that peels
and it just won’t heal

The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight

................................................................ by: CREED

? WHO will HELP me FIGHT ?

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This is how I am feeling right now..... and yet I come here to find a REASON to stay strong and to FIGHT.

* * * * * * * * *

One Last Breath

Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down
I’m looking down now that it’s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking

.................................................................... by: CREED

(((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))

I'm still here thinking of you. All of the experiences we seem to survive through. Hold on. Hold on tight and don't let it blow you away. The winds will change. sleeping, or exercise is helpful. Please do take care.

I just sent this PM to my husband, and while he is far from all my problems / wounds - he is part of it.

MESSAGE
I have wonder what is going on with us and what will be... for we are growing further apart and it seems as we do not need each other. I am lost and I am sure you are too - but in the end, who honestly wins? Do you even know that I held 30 blue pills in my hand yesterday as I cried and wondered.... (I am truly sad) - LoVe seems lost or at least forgotten or not worth the effort any more. Just wanted to share as to release my inner PAIN.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

HIS ANSWER:

I'm sorry for our pain............................ Love, Me

Rhapsody, I am so sorry to hear what's going on. I know how you feel I get the same way sometimes. If there is anything I can do I am here. Take Care

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blue38star said:
Rhapsody, I am so sorry to hear what's going on. I know how you feel I get the same way sometimes. If there is anything I can do I am here. Take Care

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Having someone to talk it all out with HELPS a lot.....
it stops me from holding it all inside. Thanks for listening and for caring about ME.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -