[blainewarbler]

Sometimes I feel like I'm too different people, the person that people want me to be and the person I am. I go through every day feeling that underlying anxiety and depression but I try so hard to give off the appearance that things are a okay. Anyone else have this?

Like when somebody asks me am I okay? My response is 'I'm good thank you' because it's the done thing. I'm hardly going to reply 'No, the feelings of worthlessness and anxiety are pulling me down'. I want some one to notice, I want to ask for help but I can't I just keeping on saying 'Okay thanks' when deep down I'm anything but.

How did you guys break the cycle?

[fshch13]

Hey there - have you sought therapy?

I went through the same stages of self-doubt and feeling trapped inside social rules - I couldn't bear to even be around people because I knew that I'd have to fake any happiness I expressed. If you look into really FORCING yourself to look at the positives, it will help in time. Speaking from personal experience, it has worked in one of two ways: either you train yourself to be positive and feel self-worth over time, or you learn to let go of the pain and worry through methods like self-hypnosis and meditation.

After cycling through therapists several years ago, I still remember the very last session I had was an introduction to self-hypnosis. Try looking it up and giving it a go - it surprised me how much it helped over time.

[kaliope]

hi blainewarbler
I too always felt like a fraud. I would be saying I was ok but screaming inside that I was doing horrible and would somebody please notice. nobody ever did. so here and there I would open up to a few trusted friends about how I really was doing. I wouldn't do it to the same friend every time because it was really too much for one person to handle. I would save the big stuff for my therapist. but occasionally, I would tell friend A something, and then friend B, and then friend C. so soon it would all be out on the table, but nobody had the whole picture. but I didn't feel like such a fraud anymore either because my friends knew I wasn't ok.

[gayleggg]

I fake it everyday with everyone except my husband. I just know that the people I deal with on a daily basis don't really care one way or other. I do have a couple of friends I tell a little bit to; I don't tell them a lot because I can tell they just wouldn't get it. They can't comprehend the depth of dispair I have inside. I do find with this last depressive episode it is harder to smile when I say I'm okay.
Gayle

[Amelia Pond]

I fake it a lot, too, because most of the people I run into aren't really friends, just acquaintances, and they don't want more than an "I'm fine, thanks," to their questions. The only person who's recently noticed that I wasn't looking fine was my daughter's hematologist. She pulled me aside to ask and I kind of fell apart. I don't know why I don't feel like I can do that in front of my friends, but I don't. So, yes, I know how you feel, blainewarbler, but I have no idea how, or even if, it's fixable.

[Hope-Full]

Ditto. I could have written your post, complete with "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" cause that's what people expect. They can't handle the truth.

Sometimes, neither can I.

[Heather11]

That's just about every day for me. I think people must know on some level that I put up a front, at least the people that I've worked with for a long time. Whatever it takes to get thru the day. Sometimes it's virtually impossible to hide and I get the questions- what's wrong, is something g bothering you? They still haven't got an idea what I go through to just make it through a day and then go home and carry the depression and anxiety with me.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just put a full on act and pretend to be the person i want to be but sometimes it's just too much because it' s so forced.
It's a constant challenge. I wish you the best.

I'm basically a mirror. I can be whatever is needed to make people comfortable and oblivious. In reality I'm an empty shell. The only person who has ever seen behind the reflection is my wife and that was a mistake I will never make again. The person I am needs to stay hidden because "normal" people will never understand.

[QueenCopper]

Originally Posted by blainewarbler

Sometimes I feel like I'm too different people, the person that people want me to be and the person I am. I go through every day feeling that underlying anxiety and depression but I try so hard to give off the appearance that things are a okay. Anyone else have this?

Like when somebody asks me am I okay? My response is 'I'm good thank you' because it's the done thing. I'm hardly going to reply 'No, the feelings of worthlessness and anxiety are pulling me down'. I want some one to notice, I want to ask for help but I can't I just keeping on saying 'Okay thanks' when deep down I'm anything but.

How did you guys break the cycle?

I am a big fraud. I will put smile on my face everyday and walk out the door. By the end of the day I am ready for tears because I hurt so bad inside. I hear Iliad someone to talk to I would feel better but in have no intentions on trusting anyone like that ever again. If someone asks if I am ok, I always say yes although I feel horrible. Hugs to you!

[jegsu01]

I am right there with you. The sad thing is I have to fake it with my family too.

[Melmo]

God yes. On the outside, I am a very happy, bubbly and friendly person. On the inside I hate myself and my life. A few of my friends know some stuff I deal with but not all of it, so I hide it well. Just one time, a coworker told me she had never seen me so down. I was having a very bad day and felt like I was just going to break down in tears. Hiding you're depression and other issues is exhausting.

[Dylanzmama]

I'm very jealous...I wear my emotions all over my face even when I try to fake it.
Faking it is often the most appropriate thing.

[photostotake]

This is me too. I've had to change "I'm fine" to anything else, because some have figured out I don't really mean it. The fake smiles are absolutely necessary. My therapist is trying hard to break me of them. Seems impossible, they've been happening for way too long.

[TheDr3am3r]

I'm also in this boat. I feel as if I can't be my authentic self with anybody including the people who've known and grown up with or raised me. Though sometimes when a person asked that question of if I'm alright I reply in a somewhat dramatic cynical way Noooo. If i'm lucky they'll ask aw what's wrong and being the un-sharing private person I am, the reply is either outlandishly snarky or inappropriate. Though that depends on the person and what mood I'm in.

[adam_k]

I do that a lot. Sometimes out of necessity for work. Having an emotional breakdown or telling my coworkers I don't like my life isn't a positive thing for me. I have learned to find some people I can talk to and discus how I am really feeling. I think everyone needs that, especially when you are in a real low place. Putting on a smile and pretending like you are ok takes a lot of energy. Sometimes it can be a relief to answer that question honestly and have the other person can and give thoughtful advice to your troubles, provide reassurance or just listen to your struggles. I think most people need a person they can be real with. Otherwise I don't think anything gets better. You feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, are barely coping with day to day and get ground down until you break. At least it is like that for me.