Lacking motivation

Not sure if this is the right area of the forum for this, if it isn't, please move this to the appropriate forum, thank you.

Any way, before I get into things...I'm not sure if I feel this way because of a heartbreak or because I'm my guilty actions I posted in this thread (http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...t-actions.html) but I just wanted to get that out there.

I'm the kind of person who enjoys a lot of stuff (hockey, computers, reading, etc... etc...) but I just feel like not doing any of the things I loved doing before until I "feel better", if that makes sense? I know it's silly and stupid, but it's almost like I'm punishing myself for some reason and restricting myself from being me and doing activities I once enjoyed. I know if I picked them all back up and started again, it would be a nice healthy distraction from my "problems" in my head; but I can't seem to get the motivation to do so.

Hopefully that made sense and people know what I'm talking about. Anyone relate?

Yes, I think I understand what you are saying. when my house is clean, I can keep it clean. When it's dirty, I don't know where to begin and feel helpless to get it clean, so I do nothing. Common sense would say, "Just start with something. Do a little bit each day and soon it will be clean." But I do nothing. It's like self-sabatoge.

Don't know what to suggest to help you. Maybe try self-affirmations: Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I'm OK. It's OK for me to play hockey or do something else I would enjoy. I'll worry about things later."

Yes. I can imagine doing things I've considered "fun" in the past, but when it comes to mobilizing myself to actually do them... I consider this "anhedonia" an integral part of my depression. Processing guilt or loss might contribute to lessening this aspect of depression.

This is my biggest issue at the moment. This apathy, anhedonia what ever the technical names are, I just cant seem to get off the couch and do the things I used to enjoy. I have no interest in doing the things I used to enjoy and it scares me cos these things were my life and now I cant do them. I am trying really hard to get up and get out but its just not working. Am I not trying hard enough?

What I hear is that you aren't allowing yourself any enjoyment as some sort of punishment for what you did... Is that right? And that there also might be some heartbreak happening... So maybe some of this is real depression because you are carrying a lot on your shoulders right now. Whether it requires medication or not, only a doctor can say. I'd try counseling for a while first. Talk with your therapist about how to treat the depression. I also hear that it worries you that you only remembered it after some time passed. It makes sense that you would have blocked it out because you felt so bad about it. But you DID remember. And it didn't take you all that long to remember.

I think the fact that you are honest with yourself and others about something that you did that you find shameful is such a brave thing. And I think it means you're going to be alright. It's great what your therapist said about what we do doesn't define who we are. I'm glad you have someone to talk with in real life too.

I think it's important to remember that you didn't hurt anyone. Not directly. And that is huge. We all have our things we like to do that we aren't proud of. I think that as long as noone is getting hurt it isn't as bad as it may feel. You stole a piece of clothing and enjoyed yourself with it. That's it right? And you feel bad about it. Forgive yourself. People do MUCH worse things in life hurting others. What you did is nothing in comparison. I don't mean to make light of it. I am only saying that if you keep punishing yourself it's more likely going to happen again, because you'd be stuck there. And maybe you wouldn't do that same thing again. Maybe you'd end up doing something that hurts YOU. Keep processing it. Forgive yourself. You've already taken the hardest steps by talking about it. I don't know if this was a bad thing that you did or if it wasn't a bad thing. I don't know if there is more to it or not. What I do know is that it bothers you a LOT and you are addressing it.

Maybe part of the work can be about how to express your feelings in ways that feel more affirming. So next time someone screws with your heart you might be able to express it in a journal or telling them they really hurt you. Maybe part of the work is about owning how hurt you felt... ?

You described me perfectly. I also feel the way you do I sometimes find myself wanting to lay in bed all day and just stare at the cieling, thank god for my little girl though because when she cries I snap out of my funk. I don't have much to say to this but heck we need to go out and play hockey or go to the mall and wear ourselves out so when the day ends and about to lay in bed we anticipate tommorow. I know today was better and I actually got myself ready and filled in some job applications. I hope this helps out a bit.

htebsiL radnala, I feel like you got everything down to a TEE here. Like it actually raises hair on my arms that someone out there understands what I'm going through.

I have opened up to one of my best friends about it, and even this girl I know about it. Like I said, I don't really like what I did; but I guess I am being brave opening up about it. When talking to therapist, I hope he can help me during this tough time.

How exactly do you forgive yourself from an act like this or of things in general? I've been thinking about this sort of thing for a while and some days it'll bother me and others it won't, but I can't find a way to forgive myself. I'm not sure if it's the heartbreak holding me back. Part of me blames myself a lot on the relationship ending (when I don't think that's the case, despite my "act" - since she emotionally cheated on me first).

When I'm hurt, I do tell the person immediately how I'm hurt. I use to keep the feelings bottled up, but not anymore. I have tried journalism some things, but I only wrote a couple times. Maybe I should just write down more of my feelings? I feel like when I do that, it lets out some feelings I can't think of.

I didn't mean to spin this thread of lacking motivation into another subject, but I think we're onto something here. It just REALLY sucks. Sometimes I feel like myself and I'm ready to go back out there, but then I think about it....and I get really anxious and scared. Feel like I don't deserve good things for what I "did", but at the same time I think that collides with every girl I dated has emotionally cheated on me so now I have negative thoughts about that stuff...

You need not worry. This is an appropriate enough forum for your post. The lack of motivation can be a sign of depression, so what you feel about this topic relates well to depression. Many PC members are aware of the lack of motivation and can relate to it. Perhaps all the details may be not be similar but the emotions and feelings are what link us together.

That's good to know. I forgot to mention with the lack of motivation and well, the other thing from the other thread I made, I'm always so damn anxious. :-\

Like I have rapid heart beating so much all the time. Usually comes up when I think about my past and what I did, but it's really somewhat annoying. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. I hope while attending therapy in months time, I'll have some improvement.

I can't live like this for the rest of my life, and most of me is scared because of that reason.

I'm so glad that you feel heard by what I wrote. Thanks for telling me. It makes me feel good about myself.

For me forgiving myself comes thru grief. I cry a lot and scream into my pillow, when screaming is all i can express. Time helps and it's also too slow. I walk around with a heavy heart and try to keep going thru the motions each day.

For over a year I've struggled with such intense regret and sorrow because I wasn't more available when my furry brown beautiful Taño died. It has been the hardest thing I've ever had to forgive myself for. Eventually acceptance started coming thru. That has helped lighten the heaviness. I believe now that the pain will always be with me. I just accept it. And it's kind of a badge of honor or something... I'll never forget it. Time and crying and screaming and writing and creating things with their photographs and etc etc help soften the sharp edges. I don't know what forgiveness looks like or what it feels like... acceptance makes more sense to me.

Journaling, in general, helps me by being able to dump all the thoughts and feelings out, whether they be positive or negative and everything in between. (And feelings always follow a thought; not the other way around. Feelings are attached to a thought we have. The trick for me is to separate the two by identifying each one separately. Like Twizzlers licorice that you can pull apart.

Then, after putting it all out there, I can see myself more clearly. It's hard to see clearly when it's stuffed inside. After writing I can better decide what I want to do with the thoughts and feelings. What did I learn? How can I reframe the thoughts so it feels less judgmental? The trick is to not edit myself while I write so that I can be completely honest with myself and get to the core of the struggle inside me... so I practice writing without judgment of what is on the paper... it take practice, like most things...

Maybe it would help even just writing a letter (that you won't deliver) to your ex and/or even maybe writing a letter to yourself.

And journaling isn't the only way to get your feelings and thoughts out... there's art and music and writing/drawing with your non-dominant hand and things from other cultures like Eastern practices, etc... really anything that fits your interest or that makes sense to you can help...

The one thing I do know is that the process goes in layers or cycles. I might think I'm done dealing with something and then years later or months later, the universe will bring it back to me and i have to face it again, do more profound internal work, to get to the other side... working THROUGH my fears is the only way for me to get to the other side.

I relate very well. I used to draw all the time and now I've lost interest...

I completely relate to what you are experiencing. Before reading your post, I've never understood why I experience a lack of motivation, and, even at times, complete loathing for things that that I once unquestionably enjoyed. Thank you for writing about this.

I've read through what a few other members have written in response, and the reply that most resonated with me was from online user.

I want to share the following quote, which I often say to myself when I am struggling or having difficulty in day to day life, especially when trying to get myself to do something.

"A thousand-mile journey starts with one step."

It is an old Taoist saying that I read recently in The Tao of Pooh (well worth the read!).

For me, though I sometimes, and often most of the time, do not enjoy playing tennis, hiking, reading, drawing, etc., I push myself to do these things because I am on a journey to recovery. I know deep down that these activities connect me with who I know I am and what I know I like, even though I might feel otherwise at the current moment. I know pushing yourself to do something is difficult, and I often struggle with it on a daily basis.

Though, what I have experienced is that, when I do push myself to go out for a run, I sometimes enjoy it. Once I am out there, I reframe the "pushing" as positive motivation, and it makes me feel good about myself.

Also, I have come to terms with the fact that I will not enjoy the entire experience. It sounds like this is something that you are experiencing. However, what I have found is that, if I can get myself to enjoy just 1-2 minutes of the run, then that for me is a huge victory. Though, it took me a while to accept that the entire experience cannot be enjoyable. Again, it's all a journey.

I hope that sharing my personal struggles with lack of motivation help you, and I especially hope that you take the Taoist saying to heart. I helps me enormously.

Great advice (and I love that book, time for a re-read I think). Since my last post in this thread I have pushed myself even more, and it is what I needed to do. I am still procrastinating on some activities but I dont think that is the same as having no motivation for them.

Little update... Saw my therapist the past couple of weeks and last week I felt wonderfully and feel like I'm improving. ... Now this week it's back to the same routine. :-\ Feel like this is never going to go away.

i try to remind myself that just as in nature, there is a cycle to everything... up/down... light/dark... life/death... happy/sad... without the cycle we wouldn't appreciate the good stuff and we wouldn't get stronger as a result of the cycles... hope that helps... it won't go away. but it will get easier...and then harder... and then you'll be happier... and then sadder... and you'll go deeper into yourself and emerge wiser and stronger... this is life... at least this is my life...

I love the idea of cycles brought up by htebsiL radnalaS. This makes so much sense to me, and helps me enormously in dealing with the ups and downs of my life, especially in coping with the downs. The idea of cycles relates to the idea of impermanence in all of our lives.

I recently read an interview with Toni Bernhard on PC, and she discusses the idea of impermanence. At its core, impermanence is understanding that the ups and downs of your life are impermanent, they are constantly coming and going. So, if you are having a terrible night where you want the pain in your head to stop, or if you are having a terrible day where you have no motivation, those moments, those days are passing and fleeting.

I have accepted the idea of impermanence into my life, and I now live with a bit more peace and calm. However, this does not mean that I do not continue to struggle with days where I am feeling down. I just look at that as the natural cycle of my life. A down day comes, a down day goes, and maybe tomorrow I'll be okay. And if I'm not, then I look for at least one minute of peace and calm.

I know I've set my standards for peace, calm, and happiness low, but considering my situation, I feel that achieving one minute of peace a day is a huge achievement for myself, and anyone for that matter.

Thank you htebsiL radnalaS for writing about cycles. I hope that welcoming cycles and impermanence into a way of living helps us all cope with the difficulties that we are currently facing. And I hope this boosts all of our motivation levels this week!