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#1
Sep 07, 2013, 04:03 AM
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I feel very lonely. Not in a I-need-more-social-interaction kind of way. I just feel like I'm all alone. It's like no one really understands what I'm going through and how serious my situation is. Not sure my therapist understands it either. He doesn't really know how to help me. At least that's what he implied last time I saw him (he's not going to give up on me, I just think he doesn't really know how to deal with my situation). I guess that's partly my "fault". I have such a hard time expressing what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. I often don't even know what I'm feeling. I just know it hurts like hell. Right now, for example, I feel horribly low but I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. It just hurts. I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out.
Even though I'm really quite introverted and social interaction exhausts me I try to surround myself with people so that time will go by quicker and I'll be distracted. Sometimes (far from always) it helps in that precise moment (though I'm often anxious because of my social anxiety) but as soon as I have time to think it all hits me again. Over and over again. It doesn't matter how many people I surround myself with, I still feel lonely. I've felt that way since I was a child. I've never been able to connect with people properly. We've never been on the same page. I've always felt so different and I don't understand why. I feel so stupid for ranting on the internet once again. I don't really want to burden you with my problems but I need to know if someone knows what it's like to feel this way. That I'm not completely alone in this mess that is my life. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. My life is a mystery to me and sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive. People say things get better but is that really true? Perhaps I'm just a lost cause. Last edited by neutrino; Sep 07, 2013 at 05:27 AM. |
 Anonymous33230, dubblemonkey, jegsu01
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#2
Sep 07, 2013, 05:36 AM
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Hello Neutrino, You are not stupid for ranting, this is the place where you can talk about anything thats bothering you. I feel like you a lot of the time, I dont fit in, nobody knows what I am going through and it feels neverending doesnt it. At least you have a therapist. I gave up on mine because I found talking so uncomfortable, that I had to take benzos before I went to see her. If you can keep the lines of communication open you have a great chance of having a "normal" life. Best Wishes.
__________________
"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born.... and the day you find out why" ~ Mark Twain |
 neutrino
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#3
Sep 07, 2013, 10:32 AM
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You are not burdening uswith your problems. Many of the people on here know exactly how you feel. I am one of them. I too feel alone even though I am surround by people and I have a real difficult time making friends. I also hurt and have feeling that I can not express.
So don't give up and stay in touch with the people online here many of them have good advice and are very understanding. You are in my thoughts. Hope your day goes well. |
| neutrino
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#4
Sep 07, 2013, 02:40 PM
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I totally understand. I sometimes dont feel like I fit in places and often times feel lonely even when I am around family. I am a introvert so going out socially is hard. I dont like to talk to strangers much unless I have to. This is a place that you can rant and dont be afriad not to. We are all here for you and you are not alone.
__________________
 I will find a way
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| neutrino
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#5
Sep 07, 2013, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
I perhaps have a more extreme account of your experience but I needed to hear it from you....so that I may possibly share with you I too feel very damaged by and in my world! I don't know what came first surely the world arrived before I did.... I see more sadness than joy on a regular basis.... but that joy sneaks in?... keeps me alive worrying that I don't fit in is over captivating and a trap... I insist on making life fit me it's been too damn hard playing emotional catch up it's not your fault it's not mine either... our sensitivities are too delicate for this harsh arrangement things don't get better but you do! and from a sweet eyesight a new one... you might understand the magnificence of your being ...and let go of all your insecurities and me to... to witness the purity of living... it's not about anything it's not even about us we are just spectators...I am so sorry I complicate watching too you are not alone 
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| neutrino
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#6
Sep 07, 2013, 03:39 PM
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I/m sorry you feel like that but I can understand. I've had several major episodes of depression but the feeling of being alone has always been with me. I sit in a room surrounded by family and feel like a complete outsider. I'm not sure what the answer is but I am hoping to find it eventually because I feel like i'm at the end of my rope. Everyone tells me it will get better or I just need to get over it but that isn't any help at all and only makes me feel worse. I hope you feel better.
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| neutrino
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#7
Sep 08, 2013, 11:17 AM
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Thank you all for the replies!
It's good to hear I'm not really alone in this (though I often feel like I am). So let me ask you something. What do you do when you're really low and you feel like nothing will ever be ok? What do you do when you hate yourself and feel like you don't even deserve to live? I should probably add that I'm not suicidal. However, I often wonder why I'm alive when things never get better anyway (because this is pretty much never-ending). Sometimes I catch myself thinking things like "why do you even live? You should probably just jump out the window" or something. Are those suicidal thoughts? Also, I'm not sure if it's allowed to talk about suicidal thoughts here so I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules by posting this. |
| dubblemonkey
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#8
Sep 08, 2013, 11:26 AM
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Quote:
you sure did ask a lot of questions... but they all make sense and for us? those questions don't have good answers so a whole new bunch of answers are needed for questions we don't know how to ask like..."I will be ok yes" "yes I will get through this" " no it's not my fault I don't deserve this...I will be ok" |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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