[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Bark

I might as well have posted that. Feeling the same way. If there weren't factors beyond myself holding me back... because see, I could never die with the fact that I might have triggered someone else's... I don't know where I'd be. But even being able to consider it, and go over scenarios in your head, and to feel actual physical pain because of it... that's bad enough in itself.

But herethennow, you are not a failure. From what you've said before, academically, you're not. And as a friend, at least on here, you are most definitely not. We are not failures or successes in ourselves; it is what we do that is either successful or not. And even then, one can find success in failure. Look at science: it relies on failure and falsification to progress, ironically enough.

I admire you for being able to reach where you have, feeling how you have been. That takes a strong person.

Thanks Bark.

Guess I'm just frustrated... like for every up I have I will face an even lower low, and that will sustain itself for a very long time. Just so tired. Tired of this. I don't understand why I still drag myself out of bed everyday, slap that mask on my face and show up for school. I don't understand this.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Feeling really low again today. This is getting so hard to keep on. NOTHING seems to make me feel better. I need the pain to go away. On top of it, I have a severe, really itchy rash on my neck and upper body that I must see a dermatologist about ASAP.

How long have you had the rash for? I worry that it might be from the Lamictal, in which case your doctor needs to start titrating you off it immediately. I don't want to scare you, but it is a possibility, and in your case the rash sounds quite extensive. Have you told your psychiatrist about it?

[NWgirl2013]

I Feel Inspired today by the words of a new/younger member to 'soldier on', so to speak.
I can do this. I really can. Thanks to all of you who share your strength with us who are tired of the fight. It really does help.

[Rose76]

I haven't slept at all this past night. Not really depressed, but sore, physically. I'm becoming demoralized by my aches and pains.

[tokiwartooth]

It is so cold here. It's supposed to get down to -3 tomorrow morning with a windchill of about -19.

[don964964]

hi everyone
been awhile since I have been on , some of the things I have done have worked , some haven't ,, I am trying to get off all meds ,, the biggest problem has been the anxiety ... I have felt so much better , but the last week or so ,, I feel myself slipping back into the dark place .. I do not like the feelings of hopelessness , so I guess that's is all I have to say , thanx all..... hope your all feeling better and doing well ...

...

[don964964]

well I guess the truth be told is ? why do I feel the " I don't want to be here no more ?? I have found a realy good friendship , I love my family ,, but I hate myself !!! I am self destructive ... why ? when things seem like there better I slip and push it all away !! maybe I am a hopeless cause .......sorry

Originally Posted by Bark

How long have you had the rash for? I worry that it might be from the Lamictal, in which case your doctor needs to start titrating you off it immediately. I don't want to scare you, but it is a possibility, and in your case the rash sounds quite extensive. Have you told your psychiatrist about it?

Thanks Bark. I've heard about the possible rash with lamictal. Haven't told my pdoc because the rash just started Friday and I've been on this dose of lamictal for months now. I thought the rash happened only if you titrated up too fast?

[Bark]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Thanks Bark. I've heard about the possible rash with lamictal. Haven't told my pdoc because the rash just started Friday and I've been on this dose of lamictal for months now. I thought the rash happened only if you titrated up too fast?

It's more likely then, but you can develop it at any time.

Lamictal Rash Warning - The Lamictal Rash Warning in Plain English

I don't mean to scare you, but you should tell him or her ASAP.

[gayleggg]

I'm not sure I should be posting here. I'm actually diagnosed as Bipolar II, but have been in severe depression for over a year and can't remember what a manic episode even feels like at this point. I feel like I'm just waiting to die and want to rush it up but worry I would screw it up. I don't want to survive if I make the attempt. That's the only thing that has kept me safe, if fear of messing up. No my doctor doesn't know how close to the edge I am. He does suspect. After I told him I had ordered my tombstone and have preplanned my funeral.

I've tried about every medicine available with no success. Not really looking for any solutions just wanted to put my feelings down somewhere.

Thanks for reading.

[Martek]

Not doing well, not at all.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling flat today. Not happy, but not horrible either. I'll take what I can get.

[tigerlily84]

Gaylegg: I know that I don't speak for everyone, but IMHO I think it's more than fine for you to post here. I know how horrible and crushing that pain is, so if it helps you even the tiniest bit to talk about it here, then post away.

Do you feel up to calling a crisis line, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK? I have called three times this year and each time the person I spoke with was very kind and patient. Be kind to yourself, ok?

[healingme4me]

Why are my January 'anniversaries', so, very, differently viewed by me? Gosh, two great grandmothers, one winter(perhaps one was in Feb? perhaps not, I remember my dad driving us to a wake in a blizzard), my granddad, the severing of the father/daughter relationship, one year, remembrance that this is the birth month of my paternal grandfather and his mother, mine was very close to hers, as I've been reminded, time and again, in youth.
I am reflective of a very emotional card that I wrote a heartfelt message to my mom, when she was in the hospital, on New Years, 2010. I wrote it all out to her, everything, I ever wanted to say to her, I did so, in a hospital cafeteria, not caring who saw the tears flow down my eyes.
My maternal family, taught me how to grieve. My maternal grandparents, both lost their moms, within a couple weeks of one another. I don't remember who the family minister was, whether that be, grams dad or granddad.
Whatever, brought me out of my sleep, I just know it was a very loud conversation in my head, not argumentative but dream quality, that forced me awake, when awake, I shouldn't have been. That, has only happened once before, there's something therapeutic about those moments, for me.
I will address, that, of course, as I did, that one other time. Ironically, close to the same time of year.

Originally Posted by Bark

It's more likely then, but you can develop it at any time.

Lamictal Rash Warning - The Lamictal Rash Warning in Plain English

I don't mean to scare you, but you should tell him or her ASAP.

Thanks again, Bark. I think I'm going to call that dermatologist back today and ask if it appeared to be hives (he had said hives not rash) from lamictal and/or call my pdoc.

Other than that, I'm feeling low again today, not helped by my blank schedule with accompanying disinterest in doing anything. I did, at least, do the dishes and dust.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Gaylegg: I know that I don't speak for everyone, but IMHO I think it's more than fine for you to post here. I know how horrible and crushing that pain is, so if it helps you even the tiniest bit to talk about it here, then post away.

Do you feel up to calling a crisis line, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK? I have called three times this year and each time the person I spoke with was very kind and patient. Be kind to yourself, ok?

Thank you for your reply. I wrote down the number and will keep it close so I can call it.

I see my psychiatrist on the 15th. Want to call earlier but they haven't got my insurance straightened out, so I was hoping to be able to hold off until they get it straight. But I know I should call now.

Blizzard like conditions here, got to get myself motivated to get out there and I have no desire to do anything. Its even too much work to cook, no idea what I will have to buy, I usually don't buy much because I haven't the desire for food, but need to buy a few healthy things for my son, as it has gotten way too convenient to buy frozen crap
I'm blabbing about nothing. Very hurt today about everything
I'll try to stay in the present moment....shower?, nah, dress, get out the door

special hugs to ((((Gayle)))) and also to all here, thanks for being here for support

[Martek]

Lost............

[tigerlily84]

I am anxious today and can't seem to calm down. I'm on my phone typing this and I've had to retype this several times because my fingers are shaking so badly. I am training someone at work but that's not the root cause for my anxiety; it's only adding to it bc I was already anxious. I have one more hour of work and hopefully I'll be able to take a nap when I get home and I can calm down.

[TombE]

I'm feeling detached. Very dissasociated.

Feeling kind of sad and empty now. Really need a job but am afraid to start one at the same time.

[tokiwartooth]

Our power was out at work yesterday so we all went home, and we still got paid, so that was a nice bonus. But it is frigid outside today, and yesterday it was too. Yesterday it was -2 in town, and today is is 8 (Fahrenheit).

[Auntie2014]

Made it through another bad day and night. Hope for better day today.

[regretful]

The misery continues. I keep hearing from people "it's not as bad as you think", but they are not depressed. I wish I could feel good again.

[Bark]

I wish my mind would stop....