[Hellion]

bla....probably gotta go for a somewhat short walk, my brother stupidly pawned is longboard and needs 8 bucks to extend it or whatever...so he has more time to get the money to get it back. It will be the last time though cause I got limited money and resources...so he's either gonna have to come up with the money soon or end up getting a new one or buying that one back for whatever the pawn shop decides to sell it for.

I am too generous for my own good...lol.

[The_little_didgee]

I cried today. It was a surprise because my emotions seemed to have disappeared about 3 weeks ago.

[tigerlily84]

I seriously feel terrible. I'm still sick but I'm afraid that I will lose my job if I don't go. How ironic that the insurance that I have is through this job.

Why is it that I seem to have answers for everyone but myself?

Feeling better today than yesterday mood-wise. I don't know what came over me the two previous days. For some reason weekends seem hardest for me, especially Sundays. I wish I knew why or what to do about it. I think it's because you're supposed to have fun on the weekends but my depression prevents me from doing so usually, and I don't know what to do with my unstructured time and feel like a loser because of it. I feel like I should be having fun but I don't seek out fun things out on my own (will do stuff with my husband) or enjoy much so I feel like a loser. I think I need help from my cognitive behavioral therapist for this one.

I didn't sleep very well last night either, and that's unusual for me. I hope it's not the (new as of yesterday) latuda, because I really wanted to try that for my bipolar depression. I also cut out saphris last night. I'm really hoping that was the problem because I've read that latuda is good for bipolar depression.

[SeekerOfLife]

Lately, I have been hating my life. I am so sick of being depressed. Personally, I do not think the depression will ever end. It is just an ongoing effort of coping.

[regretful]

The depression and anxiety have resulted in about 3 hours of sleep a day, and I don't think that I can go on any longer like this. Something has to change.

[seeminglyreal]

Nobody really cares. I wish I could disappear. It wouldn't make a difference in anyone's life anyway.

I wish I could cry... sounds weird, but I don't know whats wrong with me

[mulan]

The day would probably be normal if I hadn't ruined it trying to think about how stupid I'm. I think I'm so boring and that no one really cares about me because I am a boring, distanct person who pull everyone away. I really think I've been anoying people around here, at least the ones that come here frequently because of my pointless post...guess I have some kind of need for atention that I totaly don't have in the real world. I imagine what other people think when they see what I write, it's like "shut up" we are worst way down than you and we are not complaining about that.
I just have to make the note that today I feel very depersonalized, at least I notice it, and I still can't see or worrie about the future and I should. Even I think my memory is a little bit better I continue to surprise myself about how I had forgot certain things.

[StarStrike]

Today... I slept through breakfast. Woke up at lunch time. Hadn't got my socks on when the dog was about to crap on my carpet. I managed to stop her by picking her up and carrying her outside despite having nothing on my feet and it was freezing. I just headed back inside with the dog when the postman handed me a couple of letters, he must have thought I was strange. Either way I never blame the dog... Can't do. Her bowel control is still off. So instead I took it out on myself. I call myself so many horrible names. It's just who I am. I can't take a compliment, but I can take insults. Anyway, one letter was for me. Inside was a card with lovely words inside it. A friend had sent me some money to help me with my financial trouble. Some of it was for the rent and the rest was for food. I felt embarrassed because she basically is trying to bail me out. I have no source of income. I'm still waiting for some word on whether I've been accepted for income support. And I'm struggling to afford the rent. It feels like I'm scrounging when I never even asked for any money. I just couldn't ever ask for it in the first place. It wouldn't feel right if I did. But I'm incredibly grateful for what she has done for me. Tonight I made a healthy meal for me and my brother. It wasn't a frozen shop brand microwave meal. I made it using the microwave. But everything was fresh. All fresh vegetables, meat and rice with a bit of vegetable stock. It was an experiment of mine that turned out to be successful. And my brother seemed to appreciate me taking the time to make a filling meal for the two of us. So much so that he bought my favourite kind of energy drink in my favourite flavour. Tea and still lemonade flavour. And I don't have a clue why, but despite people being so nice to me, I feel like hell. Not as in physically sick... More of mental torture and I can't even tell what's going on in my head anymore. It's messed up...

[Hellion]

I got a lot of mixed feelings so its hard to say exactly how I feel right now. I am a wee bit frusterated though because I have been pretty nauseous all day...and can't determine if its that 5mg of of celexa I started a few days ago, that I caught my sisters cold, or if its still the stress. Either way feels like I need to vomit so I probably will.....never mind just did.

[Rose76]

kind of in neutral. I've got to pull out of this.

[tokiwartooth]

Originally Posted by Rose76

toki - I'm sorry that you lost your dad at such a young age. Also, it's hard to know what your aunt was thinking. At a time like this, brothers are brothers. You should have all stood together. May you console each other now.

They won't talk to me now. I'm like a pariah now.

Falling a little behind so a little brain boost would be good about now. Come on brainnnnnn. I know you know that these deadlines are important please try harder

[cookfan56]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Feeling better today than yesterday mood-wise. I don't know what came over me the two previous days. For some reason weekends seem hardest for me, especially Sundays. I wish I knew why or what to do about it. I think it's because you're supposed to have fun on the weekends but my depression prevents me from doing so usually, and I don't know what to do with my unstructured time and feel like a loser because of it. I feel like I should be having fun but I don't seek out fun things out on my own (will do stuff with my husband) or enjoy much so I feel like a loser. I think I need help from my cognitive behavioral therapist for this one.

I didn't sleep very well last night either, and that's unusual for me. I hope it's not the (new as of yesterday) latuda, because I really wanted to try that for my bipolar depression. I also cut out saphris last night. I'm really hoping that was the problem because I've read that latuda is good for bipolar depression.

NewGal: you are on exactly the same meds I am, with the exception of Lunesta (I alternate between ambien and herbal sleep aids.) But what drew my attention was that you just started Latuda. I did too, two weeks ago, with much trepidition. Well, first week only took 10 mg then went as ordered to 20 mg second week. Guess what? I was still depressed (maybe more), fidgety, headachy, sleeping less, and the KILLER?? Gained SIX POUNDS in one week. Yes. Seriously. And I always weigh myself at same time of day, same day of week, same scale and write it down so I am exact. So far since January, I haven't worked out at all (I was working out 6 days a week) but still had only gained one pound. Then helllo Latuda, hello 6 pounds in a week!!! What pisses me off is that the T-doc told me that it was slightly molecularly different from Abilify, which caused me to gain 10 real lbs in 10 days back in 2009. Yet stupidly I went along. (and the latuda is "weight neutral, hehehawhaw.) Well, after seeing that and knowing that nothing else had changed but the latuda, I threw that pack away and will never take again,

I'm very anxious to hear what side effects you have, if any, or if you get luckier than me. Now I have no prospects to end this unrelenting depression except that I've upped my Buprophin from 300 to 450 (which I have been on before.) I was desperate for something different, but not something different like an extra 25 pounds in a month. Yikes.

[cookfan56]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

They won't talk to me now. I'm like a pariah now.

I am so very sorry, toki. And also so sorry that your family is so hostile and unsupportive. My extended family (some) are also cruel that way.

I worked out today for the first time in a month. The last time I worked out, I felt hurt. And then I just happen to have a vacation following. Then after the vacation I got sick with a cold.

So nice to get back into the working out. Except that I will probably feel very sore tomorrow. That's something that I dread.

[seeminglyreal]

Woke up feeling sad and tight chested. I really don't want to deal with people today.

feeling somewhere in the middle.

even though i've got my movie to watch and i'll get my lock fixed tonight, wishing their was something more- and knowing that after today their will be nothing exciting for ages, really horrible feeling

also feel a bit of sorrow for my mother. she was meant to be travelling to italy for valentines, but can't go now

[seeminglyreal]

Wow, things are bad today. Third crying fit in a little over two hours.
Still considering whether I should see a pdoc. I mean, I need to but... I don't even know. I guess I'm just too proud to admit that I need help. Plus I still haven't talked to my mother about it nor do I know how. Does anyone have some ideas of how I should approach her to talk about my depression? I was planning on talking to her last week but I didn't have an opportunity. This is really hard for me because I never talk about emotional stuff with my mom, I always try to appear normal in front of her.

[healingme4me]

I wish, I knew how to fully explain this physical feeling. Feel like I want to cry, overwhelmed, but no known logical reason. Adrenaline Crash?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Originally Posted by cookfan56

NewGal: you are on exactly the same meds I am, with the exception of Lunesta (I alternate between ambien and herbal sleep aids.) But what drew my attention was that you just started Latuda. I did too, two weeks ago, with much trepidition. Well, first week only took 10 mg then went as ordered to 20 mg second week. Guess what? I was still depressed (maybe more), fidgety, headachy, sleeping less, and the KILLER?? Gained SIX POUNDS in one week. Yes. Seriously. And I always weigh myself at same time of day, same day of week, same scale and write it down so I am exact. So far since January, I haven't worked out at all (I was working out 6 days a week) but still had only gained one pound. Then helllo Latuda, hello 6 pounds in a week!!! What pisses me off is that the T-doc told me that it was slightly molecularly different from Abilify, which caused me to gain 10 real lbs in 10 days back in 2009. Yet stupidly I went along. (and the latuda is "weight neutral, hehehawhaw.) Well, after seeing that and knowing that nothing else had changed but the latuda, I threw that pack away and will never take again,

I'm very anxious to hear what side effects you have, if any, or if you get luckier than me. Now I have no prospects to end this unrelenting depression except that I've upped my Buprophin from 300 to 450 (which I have been on before.) I was desperate for something different, but not something different like an extra 25 pounds in a month. Yikes.

cookfan, sorry latuda didn't work out for you. Yesterday I took my saphris at bedtime again and slept great again so I'm thinking I should keep taking it. I really hope I don't gain any weight on this latuda because I'm already close to the maximum weight I've ever been in my life. For my height and age, I guess my weight's not too bad though. I'm really hoping this latuda will work for me! The pdoc said if I don't see improvement in 3 weeks to call him and he'll increase it even beyond the 40 mg I'm on now.

Still feeling okay today, not overjoyed about anything but holding my own. Have apt with my T this morning. Really need to talk to him about why my depression worsens on the weekends. I'm starting to dread the weekends. The last two Sundays were bad for me.

[regretful]

The rest of the day yesterday was terrible. Tried clonazepam at the order of my MD and it did not do much to help me. The depression is killing me, and the anxiety is too.