[StarStrike]

I'm sorry I'm crying while I'm typing. You can ignore me if you want to. I'm not important anyway. My dad sold my rabbit hutch without even mentioning it to me. My friend was planning to give me a new rabbit when she had a litter that's ready to leave. My grandparents knew this and that's why they didn't mind having an empty hutch outside. I'd only just gotten over the loss of my first rabbit and all. Then to find out he'd sold my hutch without my permission. What did I do wrong? I always try to be a good person. I help out anyone who needs a helping hand. I behave myself in college and remember to use good manners. I make myself invisible so I don't get in anyone's way. And still I feel like I'm being punished for being a bad person. On top of that he's been telling lies to my grandparents, Saying that I wouldn't speak to his fiance's daughter even though I answered her questions. I'm just not that good with people I find social situations awkward. I was tired and I was trying my best to fit in. But my best is never good enough. I'm sick of suffering. I'm sick of feeling like the black sheep of the family. I find life hard enough as it is. But nothing I say or do is ever the right thing. I'm struggling to cope...

[gayleggg]

I think raising the Prozac is making a difference. I'm still unmotivated but not too depressed.

[herethennow]

is not sure of what i'm feeling.

kinda feel down. maybe coz i had like a social event that was tiring. found out though that i'm going to take up a role with a heavy responsibility.. and i'm not sure whether i can do it.

other than that i'm just enjoying my holidays with job hunting and games.

[regretful]

Terrible...in between medication as mirtazapine was not effective. Now I'm waiting for a couple days until I can start lexapro again, but I dread the weight gain that comes along with that. I'm just a depressed and anxious mess. I was doing well at one time...I long for even one minute of that...

[dandylin]

Still having a decent week. It's nice to not feel so weighted down

[Rose76]

I can't seem to help myself. Very depressed.

[SadPam]

Trying hard to look at my life's circumstances from a spiritual point of view but keep getting sucked into depression. I'm about to be laid off...again...and I am so tired of looking for a new job. Receiving severance paperwork last week and an email just now saying my badge access has been cut has poured salt into the wound. And it hurts that only one person from work occasionally texts me, even the woman I'd had lunch with for over two years has not contacted me. No real prospects for new employment at the moment and very anxious about that.

So I'm in bed spending excessive time on the net and overeating. At least my dog loves me.

[tigerlily84]

Yesterday's outing with my coworkers was a bust. Everyone cancelled, so that was disappointing. I decided to go visit my grandma and I'm glad that I did.

I've been in denial over just how bad my depression has gotten. Case in point: today at work my friend in the department I used to work in came over and gave me a hug. I almost burst into tears. I'm also isolating, and making up excuses to not see my dad's side of the family. I told them I was sick last week, but there's another get together since Sunday so I'll probably have to show my face. I'm not looking forward to pretending that I'm okay. I'm so exhausted. My appointment with my doctor next week can't come soon enough.

[Rose76]

StarStrike - I'm sorry about the taking of your rabbit hutch. That was mean.

[Raggedy Man]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Yesterday's outing with my coworkers was a bust. Everyone cancelled, so that was disappointing. I decided to go visit my grandma and I'm glad that I did.

I've been in denial over just how bad my depression has gotten. Case in point: today at work my friend in the department I used to work in came over and gave me a hug. I almost burst into tears. I'm also isolating, and making up excuses to not see my dad's side of the family. I told them I was sick last week, but there's another get together since Sunday so I'll probably have to show my face. I'm not looking forward to pretending that I'm okay. I'm so exhausted. My appointment with my doctor next week can't come soon enough.

That's two of us, on both counts. It is exhausting. I will be thinking about you this week and hope you get the help you need at the doctor.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Raggedy Man

That's two of us, on both counts. It is exhausting. I will be thinking about you this week and hope you get the help you need at the doctor.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm hoping for a referral to a psychiatrist. I'm having a difficult night and I ended up having to call a suicide hotline. I'm feeling a bit better now, and seeing your words helped me too. Well, one day at a time, right? We can do it.

[tigerlily84]

Just had an argument with a family member. This is just not my night.

[healingme4me]

Day started off, rather well. Started off, feeling I'd have a laid back, sort of peaceful day at work. Then, bam! Once the employees arrived, with them, came the tension. Then, my internal reaction/feelings about what was asked, was some serious anger, albeit not expressed with my internal diatribe, instead with a statement of facts. And combine that, with the business managers appearance into my kitchen, I know what it feels like, to be painted black, so to speak. My senses feel there's conniving behavior. SO, I am stewing over her seeming desire to get her little way. She floored me, yesterday, when she said, oh you are probably too young, to remember this, but do you remember(?? forget what it was), I'm 2 years OLDER than you?! wth?! you know this, I went to hs with your older sister...geesh!

Ups? My love life, and my middle son's wrestling practice, so proud of him!

Keeping me on edge? (probably belongs in the anxiety forum, but meh, whatever...) Wondering what this planned meeting on Monday is all about. No hint, is it going to be a positive experience(finger crossing by colleague, and it's been a couple weeks in the making), or is this just going to be another one of those, let's vilify you to your face and see if we can make you cry type of deal(which, I don't and won't do, I'll just end up simmering my anger on very low heat, until I get out of there...) the not knowing.

[msd3788]

Got diagnosed as depressed rather than bipolar which is good I guess. Every day is still a struggle to stay alive...but it gets better. They're decreasing my lexapro in half and in a week I won't be taking it at all. Kinda nervous since I was only on it a month due to a crisis and it seemed to work. I remain on effexor and they might increase that. I continue biweekly counsel sessions and back to psychiatrist in 4 weeks. Trying to stay positive. I'm hoping I can be a little easier on my family.

It's been hard having my husband out of town while I'm in this depression. This afternoon I'm seeing a movie with a friend, and tomorrow I'm spending time with my brother and his family, so that should help. Then my husband is home Monday night! I hate feeling so emotionally dependent on someone, but it's just where I am.

[StarStrike]

Both my grandparents and my dad were telling me off about how I should have talked more to my dad's fiance's daughter and that being tired is just an excuse. My grandparents were supportive when I told them I had depression. And now they're adding onto the weight that life has already put on my shoulders. But no... i cannot blame my family. Being myself is dumb. I have to be more outgoing like my dad. I don't matter anymore. I've got to make this family work because when he gets married, we'd be related by law and family should stick together. Even though I don't want to be a part of it. I'm just being selfish. They'd be better off if I wasn't a part of the family anyway. I feel like doing something stupid that I'd regret later. It's a good job I have the number for the crisis team on my phone.

I'm flip flopping
I said I didn't want to complicate my life with someone new.
I'm almost going back on my word.
Its just been so isolating and lonely without friends, but I think Just friendship is what I should be looking for
Nothing more....I'm not depressed..or am I still... but anxious and tired

[Bark]

It's not a headache, really. More like my brain hurts. Depression hurts. It started hitting me last night and carried into today. Not deep, but I realize what it is. I'm going to sleep and hope that I feel better tomorrow, because staying awake would be counterproductive. I did a bit of cleaning earlier today, went out and treated myself to a dinner instead of staying alone in my room... but the fact that I've been irritable all day and that the dinner didn't do anything to change my mood worries me. I hope the depression doesn't stick around.

[Rose76]

Wishing for some nice gesture from my friend or his family. I've become his caretaker, even though, I don't live with him. I'm weary of running errands and doing chores, while feeling unappreciated. So I wait for a gesture. None comes. None will come.

[seeminglyreal]

Found out yesterday that I got in uni and I am happy and all but mostly worried/anxious about the whole hazing thing. I don't know what to do. Should I just merge among the seniors and pretend I am one or just skip the first week of class? But then if I go with the second option I'll be totally lost since I won't meet anyone and I don't even know where my classes are and I would never be able to pretend I am a senior because I'll probably look scared as ****. ****, why can't I just be happy without overthinking everything and making myself anxious?

[tigerlily84]

Feeling emotionally raw and exhausted. It feels like I have been suppressing a lot of emotions for a while now and the proverbial dam has burst. I feel numb and vulnerable now.

[Raggedy Man]

I'm having a particularly bad night tonight too. Even breathing takes effort. I just want to disappear.

[themonster7]

Been seeing a girl for the week. Things have been looking up.

[Bark]

Make it go away... make it stop.... I don't want to think about it, so I'm making my mind blank. But it's still there, in the background. Can't do anything useful, and seeing two friends took all the energy out of me. Now I'm in bed and just waiting for time to go by....

My husband may be coming home tonight. Not that it will change my depression, but I do miss him and his presence can be comforting. The movie I saw with a friend yesterday, August:Osage County is FANTASTIC. I highly recommend it. Meryl Streep is brilliant in it. Looking forward to seeing my brother later this morning . . .