[Viuam]

Thanks The Skeezyks, I'll try to chill out over it. Getting to a T will also help i figure. Might wait a few days to write that apology though, I think the guy has had a bit too much of me to take jeje

[mulan]

Well, it's late and I'm really sleepy. I had some plans for the weekend and I spent almost of the time on the bed trying to sleep. I thought I was feeling a litle better about my thoughts, that I could think and speak more. Now I'm not sure about it, maybe because I have troubles in remember how I felt in the past, and the past means the last hour. It is really hard to tell. Now I have a lot of boring things to study and less time to do it. Tomorrow I'm going to see a psychologist to do some test about my personality, the funniest part is that I don't have a personality, I don't know who I am and how I behave. I think my pdoc thought some times that I could have psycho traits, I spoke a lot about how I couldn't felt the other people. She asked me if I used to lie. But I'm that person that feels guilty when lie or do something bad to someone, even this don't last many time. Even so I am very self centered and somewhat selfish. I really don't know what kind of personality I have or how I behave in the situations, so I guess the results won't be very accurate.

[SomethingSomewhere]

I feel like I'm in limbo. Not the "burning your sins away" limbo; the "floating around waiting for stuff" limbo. Tomorrow I'll be back at work. I don't want to go, but what else is new? Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Insomnia makes everything worse......It's going to be night 4 for me. Which, I believe, makes my brain about as useful as if I was legally intoxicated.

The weekend is about over and it was not much. Even though I like my job, I can feel very depressed that the weekend was not much of anything.

On Saturday I went to a support group meeting (a medical issue one, not a depression group). It was a big disappointment. I ended up leaving it before it ended. I went to see a friend after that for a couple of hours. Had a good time with my friend. That was the only highlight of the weekend.

Today my friend and I had a "run-in". It's just amazing how on Saturday he can be such a nice guy and then on Sunday he can be such a stinker. So that got my down. Also I got down about other things, too.

I could have gone on a long bike ride today, but instead I decided to do my taxes. I will get a nice refund anyways. I was going to wait until next Saturday, but I decided to do it today since I had the time to myself and thinking that something could happen on Saturday and I wouldn't be able to do the taxes. I could have done it yesterday, but the group meeting took priority. I would have been better off had I stayed home yesterday and did my taxes instead.

[Ganymede00]

I'm gonna email 2 prospective therapists tonight. I'm so nervous but I know it has to be done.

[sunsetsunrise]

i have hurt an internet friend. She thinks that she is there for me but I am not there for her. That is partly true. Because last week she emailed me having taken medications and alcohol. And her typing/spelling was so incoherient I did not know if she would make it through the night. I really dont want that responsibility being the only person who knew that she had combined alcohol and medication with the results being lethal. So I sort of backed off. I still messaged her every day to ask her how she is. So I did not really back off.

Now she is saying that "people", I would assume she means me, accept support from her.But then do not help her when she needs help. Truthfully, if she just would say she needs help I would help. I think I should just offer help. And not wait for her to say she is needing it. i actually just did that. I really feel horrible and guilty. I wish I was in a better place to help. But I am not. A good friend helps regardless of the place they are in. So I will help her in a better way.

[healingme4me]

^^^ meh. Good friends don't use guilt, as a means to an end.

Actually, a bit anxious this morning, guess belongs in anxiety, not depression, eh? Meeting is for sons behavior change, has expressive delays, taken to a bit of stubborn refusal, crying and tossing himself on floor in heap.
Doesn't usually do this, at home, until last night.
Emailed his team, with how I handled it, however.
Shall be interesting.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Pikku Myy]

definitely in a funk

Feeling really down today, just as I did yesterday. I see my pdoc this morning and I don't know what to say to him. He's going to want to know my symptoms, and I don't really know how to describe my depression. I just know it's killing me, so much sadness and emptiness. Feeling like nothing is going to help (medication or activity/a job). I don't talk to my T until Wednesday. Feel like I need to talk to him today. Such a downer and I feel helpless to change things. Just want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Yes, it's a bad day. How could things have been so different last week? I felt like I was making some headway. What happened?

[StarStrike]

Got about just a little bit over an hour's sleep last night (as usual, my sleep patterns are messed up). My dad's literally only just noticing that I barely get any sleep when this has been going on for a long time. On the phone, he told me to go to the doctor to get sleeping pills. If he took my diagnosis seriously he'd know that troubled sleep is a symptom of depression. But no, "people have it worse off than me so I shouldn't be depressed." Discriminating pain in the rear end can shove his insults where the sun doesn't shine. Besides that, I know they won't put me on medication because I'm only young. So while on the waiting list for therapy, I'm stuck in limbo, getting worse day by day.

I felt horrible for having to leave my sick dog at home while I went to college. But when I got my time table, I found out that I shouldn't have come in during the morning and was only needed in the afternoon. Are you #!$@*!! kidding me? I couldn't go back either because my return ticket would be invalid upon my return. So in the end my engagement adviser had arranged to slip me into the morning maths class for today so I could return home at lunch time. But that really pee'd me off. They could have phoned me to tell me to come in, in the afternoon. My phone is turned on and is fully charged. Plus they have my number.

I came home to find my dog had made poop on my carpet. I couldn't get mad at her though. She's got a bad stomach and it's affecting her defecation. I disinfected the carped three times over to get rid of the stain. But it still smells like dog poo in my room. So I'm going to have to go to the pet shop to get some deodorizing carpet cleaner designed for when a dog has an accident. According to the product information on Pets at Home's website, they have one that deters the dog from doing it again in the same spot. Well, I don't want her getting it into her head that it's okay to do it in the flat when she regains full control over her bowels.

The only good news I have is that today, she's managing to keep her food down. So, pretty soon she should start regaining weight. She's slowly getting better so I don't think she'll need to make a trip to the vet.

[tigerlily84]

Over the weekend I felt really horrible. I'm feeling better now, emotionally at least. I have a cold. I spent most of the weekend in bed, resting. But just going up the stairs in my house just now knocked the wind out of me. I called out of work so I can rest.

[Clara22]

Despite some issues, I felt better during the weekend. My nieces and nephew came to visit me, my nephew on Saturday and my nieces on Sunday. I think that that made the difference. I can see isolation is a bad thing. In fact, one of my nieces told me the other one was thinking of coming to visit me. I know sometimes this niece is shy. I was proactive and bought food to make a meal in case she could come. I told her that i did the shopping but that she should not worry, the stuff was in the freezer, she should ring me if she decided to come. In the past, my home (in my country and in the US, while I was there) was a site everybody was welcome and I was available to cook, etc. When I started with depression, I became more self-absorbed and not open to welcome people. I started also having more egotistic ideas, less generous. I think at the end of the day those ideas damaged me. I am not sure how to explain this, but in my case, being more egotistic or self-centered did not help at all with my depression.

i felt really self centered this weekend. Even though I was generous to to my sons, I feel too numb and like I just don't care what happens. It could be bipolar episode, or the quetiapine is making me number than i already was.

[Hellion]

Just gotta make it through one more crappy day, and my hearing is tomorrow morning finally. Pretty nervous about it...But yeah I have to try not to mask obvious symptoms or over-explain things kinda in the habit of both so this might be kinda difficult.

[regretful]

Struggling worse than I ever have in my entire life. There has to be an end to this depression and anxiety. I can't take much more of this...

[Rose76]

a little better after doubling antidepressant. Got to get up out of this.

[herethennow]

Feeling down yet i know im okay. Confused, still. And well.. I hate insomnia. Its like 5am and i still havent slept. Great. Lucky its holidays.

[tokiwartooth]

My dad died unexpectedly early Saturday morning. We went to the hospital about 11pm Friday night and he was dead by 1am. We didn't know it, but his intestines ruptured and twisted, cut off blood flow and they died, filling his abdomen with waste and air, which put pressure on his heart and lungs and vessels, and by the time he realized something was wrong, it was too late. They had him on a respirator, and even if he had survived, he would have been severely brain damaged due to the lack of oxygen for so long. His heart gave out on the respirator once everyone was there. I had just talked to him the other day and we were going to get Chinese soon. Then, at the memorial, my aunt wouldn't let me stand with my half-brothers close to his casket, she made me stand all the way at the end. I just couldn't make it to his funeral. They were taking him in a fire truck and were going to fade out his signal, like they did my grandpa. It would just be too much. He was only 51.

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

My dad died unexpectedly early Saturday morning. We went to the hospital about 11pm Friday night and he was dead by 1am. We didn't know it, but his intestines ruptured and twisted, cut off blood flow and they died, filling his abdomen with waste and air, which put pressure on his heart and lungs and vessels, and by the time he realized something was wrong, it was too late. They had him on a respirator, and even if he had survived, he would have been severely brain damaged due to the lack of oxygen for so long. His heart gave out on the respirator once everyone was there. I had just talked to him the other day and we were going to get Chinese soon. Then, at the memorial, my aunt wouldn't let me stand with my half-brothers close to his casket, she made me stand all the way at the end. I just couldn't make it to his funeral. They were taking him in a fire truck and were going to fade out his signal, like they did my grandpa. It would just be too much. He was only 51.

I'm so very sorry.

[tigerlily84]

Toki, I am so sorry for your loss.

[StarStrike]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Bark]

(((tokiwartooth))) I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[mulan]

I went to answear some quizzes with symptoms of my depression. It was weird, so many reasons...my poor memory, the psychologist was few years older than me, I was answering that and it was like I didn't fit in the question. I don't, have this symptom, I have little of this...Why a person must feel sad or feel guilty to have depression? It had questions like in the past for weeks did you notice that you stop liking things as you did before...I never liked anything, or if I liked it was so long ago that I don't remember. How is supose you to answear to this?
The psichologist wanted to know more things about me, why I was there. She is supose to make some report to my pdoc. As usual I answear I don't know. I don't know where to start and how to explain why I was there. Was I supose to talk about my symptoms and how they interfere with my life? I have an hard time getting some trust with people and the person is about my age...well, I don't feel confortable. And bahmmm...it's the first thing she asked my. I certanly wasn't expecting it.
Well...boring life I guess. I guess I post to much about my non intersting life.

[Rose76]

toki - I'm sorry that you lost your dad at such a young age. Also, it's hard to know what your aunt was thinking. At a time like this, brothers are brothers. You should have all stood together. May you console each other now.