[seeminglyreal]

I'm going out today after I don't even know how long to buy some clothes and I'm so anxious. I feel pathetic.

[healingme4me]

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

small town junk; my son flat out, refused today to go to practice/meet. after yesterday, finding out what I found out, about a friend, and her plight trying to procure permanent employment, the word nepotism came out. Then, realizing what was handed to me, with my promotion, thinking about the pass over of my son, and how his feelings are affected, recognizing clique politics, oops, sorry, I don't 'donate', as though I can attend these annual comedy nights, work, my meh feelings about the school, since I reverted back to my maiden name, politics of my exh and his group of ppl he knows, and just MEH, BLEH!

When is this hearing date, going to arrive in the mail?

[herethennow]

up: went out yesterday to meet a couple of friends i haven't met in years... had fun i havent had in awhile..
down: recurrent sui thoughts. thoughts of quitting. exams are next week.

i'm still.. somewhere in between. i dont know how am i feeling. guess just empty. an empty void.. with nothing to fill the hole.

[Rose76]

I'm back to feeling good. The main thing that helped was making myself get going yesterday. It was extremely hard to get started, but got easier. Another thing helping me is aromatherapy from scented candles. I'm really enjoying Pumkin Saffron.

I feel like if I have nothing good to post, I shouldn't talk anymore. Nothing like depression feeding depression. I wish I was where my brother is today, I'm not jealous in a bad kind of way, but he's gone to Cuba, and I could so use the Vitamin D. Why did my parents have to pick Canada to emigrate to?

[Bark]

The thoughts lifted some... actually ate food and felt better. But there is this massive guilt in the back of my head as if I was pretending to be as low as I was. That I am actually fine and it's my fault I'm feeling the way I am. That I want to feel the way I was feeling. Ugh. Best to sleep on this note and hope it carries on into tomorrow. But the guilt... that somehow I lied on the phone when I was being perfectly honest. Now that I'm alone it's eating at me.

[seeminglyreal]

Didn't go out like I said I would because, like I also said, my happy moment didn't last and depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I honestly would rather not be happy at all than being happy and falling back to this hole harder each time.
My not going out had an upside though. I found a stray puppy on my way home and I brought her home with me. She has a broken paw and what I think it's scabies and I'm taking her to the vet on monday. She already ate, I gave her a bath and medicine for worms (her tummy is really big). I'm not keeping her though. I'll take care of her and buy the medicine she needs and I'm giving her away to my friend whose dog died a few months ago.

It turned out to be a pretty good day for me, even though it didn't start off so good. My sister called me while I was having breakfast. She told me that there was a breakthrough with her daughter having depression. That was nice to hear but my sister just ruined the good news by rambling on and on about every single little detail that I was not interested in hearing. I had to tell her that I had someplace to go. I couldn't stand to hear any more.

I went to a support group that I felt like I needed to go to. I went there only once a few months ago. It started off good and then it ended up a disappointment at that time. So I went for the first time in a few months and this time I didn't like the looks of it, so I didn't bother to go in. I felt bad about that.

Instead I spent the time I could have been at the support group to be with my friend. He expected me to be at the group and was surprised that I ended up not going. We had a good time together.

So that was my day.

[tigerlily84]

Bad. Just bad. Nothing will ever get better.

[Fridagurl]

In bed the entire day. Woke up this morning in the throes of a panic attack-had an Ativan for breakfast. So many things crying for my attention and I just can't muster the energy for them. Hoping to tackle laundry and taking down the Christmas tree tomorrow.

As this depression continues, I occasionally find myself filled with a self-loathing attitude. That happened to me yesterday. Did enjoy a movie with my husband though (American Hustle - - was a REALLY good movie). Today we're having my side of the family over for a much delayed holiday gathering. Looking forward to seeing everyone and ending the holiday season for good.

[tigersassy]

I hate money. Can we go back to bartering days?

Sent from my Huawei U8800-51 using Tapatalk 2

[seeminglyreal]

Pissed because my mother just basicaly made fun of my emotional breakdown in front of the entire family. I was forced to laugh it off as if it was nothing but I really just want to run away.

[Clara22]

Every day entails a new challenge I am trying to embrace instead of rejecting, filling empty or useless, I am trying...

[Bark]

Oh hyperness how I miss you. This feeling.... It's such a relief from the constant suicidality. I hope it goes on and on and on.

[dandylin]

A little stressed. Classes start again tomorrow. I look forward to this semester, but wonder if I will be able to maintain Dean's list status

[Bark]

Just took one phone call to bring me down. I don't know.

Been depressed on and off all day. Sometimes it almost gets overwhelming.

[seeminglyreal]

I hate myself so much I feel disgusted to look at my own reflexion. Family made fun of me because I became a vegetarian so that only contributed to my self loathing.

[tigerlily84]

Horrible. I keep thinking about how one of my coworkers said that I was "always happy." What a joke. I responded by saying jokingly that it was "all fake." That's what I do, make light of how empty I am.

[Clara22]

Hi Siminglyreal,
I am very happy you became a vegetarian! I am doing the same, for health reasons (but also I am happy to know it will contribute to reduce cruelty towards animals) In our countries veganism is not understood, although more and more people are getting aware about it. I have joined some Facebook pages on veganism from Brazil (I love Portuguese and Brazil, it is a beautiful country, IMO). In my extended family, we have 3 vegans and the rest of it sometimes makes fun of the vegan, although they are more accepting lastly. OK, hope you can continue with your vegetarianism despite the criticism from your family, vegetarianism is the future

UPS
Great day building props for the dance studio, tailgating, and goofing with the prop dads.
DOWNS
Panthers got whooped...tough loss!

[Bark]

Feeling better again. Can't eat full meals though; days of lost appetite and reduced eating have taken their toll.

[herethennow]

is having her respite from the raging thoughts, finally.

good timing since this week is finals week.

shall deal with my feelings soon.

hope everyone is doing fine. sorry i can't really look through; it's getting busier and busier!

[Martek]

I don't even want to talk to anyone about it anymore. Just want to fade away