[regretful]

Terrible...just when it can't get any worse, it does. I wish this endless depression had an end to it...

Been on PC awhile... got up... feeling dizzy... quite dizzy... was it something I posted?

[Bark]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Been on PC awhile... got up... feeling dizzy... quite dizzy... was it something I posted?

Orthostatic hypotension, maybe? Fancy talk for feeling faint when you stand up. I have it on meds. One I was on made it really bad.

[healingme4me]

^^ or as my PDoc would ask, are you drinking enough water

______________

Kind of quiet today. Still able to be jovial, to jokes of strangers, had to do with coffee place I'll take it as that no need reading into what could have been compliments...

Need to write down nightmare. Vivid, colors, imagery remains intact.

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[tigerlily84]

Not doing too well today. I have spent the majority of the day either in bed or surfing the internet. I feel numb, and feel like either SI'ing or worse. Honestly though I don't know that I actually feel like doing that, more like wishing I could get up the nerve to do it. I don't really feel much like talking to a friend either, so I'll probably just end up re-watching some movie I have here at home.

[dandylin]

Almost 3 weeks and feeling remarkably well. I am shocked that I climbed out of the black hole that was November and December.

[smmath]

Doing good. Going out tonight with a guy, it should be interesting. My therapist said she was proud of me, so it has been a positive week for the most part.

[Rose76]

Have been feeling very content to do next to nothing. Like I just want to rest.

I think this is a new form of depression that I'm getting. It's not the usual sad kind, but I am doing nothing, but vegetating.

I did well today, its been a long day of cleaning, then I had a nice friend over, so I'm very content going to bed in my room that hasn't been tidied up for a few months

Also, I get to see my older son tomorrow, and see his new apartment

[Hellion]

Why do people suck....just suggested a couple things that could be helpful on another forum and some poster had to tell me about how stupid I was for not reading the whole thread....though what i had to say was more or less relevent regardless, but I did actually read the thread and respond accordingly. But apparently I am an idiot for suggesting someone with trouble feeding them self and their son should maybe look into foods stamps(or whatever they have in other countries I don't really know being from the U.S) or maybe some kind of food shelf or chairity to help that burdan. But somehow that makes me an incoherant illogical dumba**

[Rose76]

feeling sad. want to get out of this sad world. hoping I won't have too long of a life. sorry to be that way. I'm just losing interest.

[LadyShadow]

Totally bipolar today. Completely up and down. Overreacted to being ignored these past couple of days. So many things can be happening. Just thinking about myself again.

[seeminglyreal]

I'm not going to ask for help. Nobody cares anyway.

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[nakitakunai]

It's my birthday today but I don't have any plans since I don't have any friends and my mom aka the only person who really cares about me is sick. And I'm having some stomach problems myself and just feel nauseous and extremely sad and alone... Happy birthday to me.

[Hellion]

Well I am feeling quite a bit depressed and I can hardly eat anything because of stress...I had a breakfast burrito last night and ended up throwing up this morning and it looked as though I didn't entirely digest the damn thing. Its like my brain has triggered digestive shut down mode and its been going on for a couple days now.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by nakitakunai

It's my birthday today but I don't have any plans since I don't have any friends and my mom aka the only person who really cares about me is sick. And I'm having some stomach problems myself and just feel nauseous and extremely sad and alone... Happy birthday to me.

Happy Birthday, nakitakunai!

[StarStrike]

Originally Posted by nakitakunai

It's my birthday today but I don't have any plans since I don't have any friends and my mom aka the only person who really cares about me is sick. And I'm having some stomach problems myself and just feel nauseous and extremely sad and alone... Happy birthday to me.

Happy Birthday!

I couldn't fall asleep last night. I even tried counting sheep, lost count and got annoyed. At four in the morning I gave up hope and went on the computer. Five in the morning I was eating breakfast, just thinking of how tired I am. To top it off my dog's suffering from a bad stomach upset. She cannot keep food down and had lost some weight. All because she eats things she shouldn't. Last night she pulled the lid off a microwave container out of the bin and licked the curry sauce off of it. Today, my brother dropped a garlic clove. She ate it without anyone knowing until she was sick. I'm starving her for twelve hours to let her stomach settle. But if it fails to settle and she still cannot keep down her food, she'll need to go to see the vet. She's only three years old and I always keep up with her yearly vaccination. I wish it was me because I cannot stand to see her like that. I'm just finding it hard to see the good side of life right now. Only bad stuff seems to happen.

[Viuam]

Sorry guys, just re posted this from my previos thread Depression Round 2. I'm losing it and I'd like some feedback if possible.

Please help! I totally just pulled a stalker move on my ex and showed up at his house. After I caught him practically running away from me he agreed to have a coffee and he said that I was crazy and that I needed help, that he couldnt cope with my depression, that if I ever showed up at his house again hed call my parents and hes never speak to me again. He said that he could only be my friend and that he didnt want to date anyone at all. He said that he could meet me for lunch during the week and work on being friends from there. I ****ed up so bad.... and the worst thing is that i dont want to be friends, I cant just see him once in a while and not want to be with him. I also feel kinda taken advantage of, ive done so much for him and now when im in a rough patch ive been abandoned. He probably just said the thing about lunch to get rid of me, and i most likely will never hear from him again. I ****ed up so bad.... what is WRONG with me?!?!?!?!?!

I dont know what to do with myself, I am freaking out.

[Rose76]

feeling under the weather.

Originally Posted by Viuam

Sorry guys, just re posted this from my previos thread Depression Round 2. I'm losing it and I'd like some feedback if possible.

Please help! I totally just pulled a stalker move on my ex and showed up at his house. After I caught him practically running away from me he agreed to have a coffee and he said that I was crazy and that I needed help, that he couldnt cope with my depression, that if I ever showed up at his house again hed call my parents and hes never speak to me again. He said that he could only be my friend and that he didnt want to date anyone at all. He said that he could meet me for lunch during the week and work on being friends from there. I ****ed up so bad.... and the worst thing is that i dont want to be friends, I cant just see him once in a while and not want to be with him. I also feel kinda taken advantage of, ive done so much for him and now when im in a rough patch ive been abandoned. He probably just said the thing about lunch to get rid of me, and i most likely will never hear from him again. I ****ed up so bad.... what is WRONG with me?!?!?!?!?!

I dont know what to do with myself, I am freaking out.

Hello Viuam: You may well have received wise counsel from your initial post of this. But, at the risk of being redundant, I'll just say that this all sounds pretty clear cut to me. Your ex has told you what he can & can't tolerate as well as where he is & isn't willing to go from here. Yes, the lunch suggestion may have been insincere. Time will tell with regard to that. But, under any circumstances, you need to sort out your emotions with regard to this. What you're doing is not helping. From reading your post, it sounds like you know that. If you have a therapist, it's time to start talking with her or him about this. If not, then perhaps it's time to get one. It sounds to me like you're just having great difficulty accepting things as they are & moving on. That's certainly something that we all struggle with from time-to-time. The important thing, it seems to me, is to not allow yourself to remain stuck where you are now... but to sort through your feelings & find a way to move on successfully. My best wishes to you!

[healingme4me]

Sometimes, there's landscape views, that are only seen, when the trees are winterized. Love, living in a valley, because, Valleys are in their own mountain terrain. Usually, blah, this time of year, but about ready, excited to share my own scenery.

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[Viuam]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hello Viuam: You may well have received wise counsel from your initial post of this. But, at the risk of being redundant, I'll just say that this all sounds pretty clear cut to me. Your ex has told you what he can & can't tolerate as well as where he is & isn't willing to go from here. Yes, the lunch suggestion may have been insincere. Time will tell with regard to that. But, under any circumstances, you need to sort out your emotions with regard to this. What you're doing is not helping. From reading your post, it sounds like you know that. If you have a therapist, it's time to start talking with her or him about this. If not, then perhaps it's time to get one. It sounds to me like you're just having great difficulty accepting things as they are & moving on. That's certainly something that we all struggle with from time-to-time. The important thing, it seems to me, is to not allow yourself to remain stuck where you are now... but to sort through your feelings & find a way to move on successfully. My best wishes to you!

Yeah, I know... I just cant believe that I did this to myself. What the hell possessed me to put myself in that position? I guess Im just really ashamed and angry with myself.

Yes, Viuam. I know the feeling. I'm ashamed & angry with myself for my entire life... As I look back I wonder... what was I thinking? ... was I thinking?... where was my brain? The thing is that, at the time, it didn't occur to me that I was doing stupid, hurtful things. So I just kept on doing more & more stupid hurtful things. Perhaps if I had been able to see what I was doing, & get some help with what was going on, I could have saved myself & others allot of pain.

[Viuam]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Yes, Viuam. I know the feeling. I'm ashamed & angry with myself for my entire life... As I look back I wonder... what was I thinking? ... was I thinking?... where was my brain? The thing is that, at the time, it didn't occur to me that I was doing stupid, hurtful things. So I just kept on doing more & more stupid hurtful things. Perhaps if I had been able to see what I was doing, & get some help with what was going on, I could have saved myself & others allot of pain.

I know... and the worst part is that now the person that I want thinks im a psycho. A couple of weeks earlier and I could have done something a little more sensible and worked on things.... and know the flip has switched, and thats it. I finally convinced my parents that I need to go to the T again, but I'm never going to get those hours back... he actually said that he was embarassed for me. I'm utterly mortified.

Even if he does actually want to contact me for lunch or something.... I would be so ashamed of myself that I wouldnt know what to say. What, if its even a possibility, can I do to work things up from where they are now? And thats a big IF right there..... and if its just to be friends, why would I want to do it anyway? Thats obviously not what I want. And there are plenty of normal girls that he could date immediatley, I have no control whatsoever. I ****ed up all on my own.

Thanks for the input btw, if anyone else wants to chip in youre more than welcome.

Well you could start by saying to him what you just wrote... that you're embarrassed & ashamed & don't even know what to say but that you're going to be seeing someone to begin working through your feelings & yes you'd like to do lunch. I'll bet that would set him back a few paces. You can't undue what has already happened. "Start from where you are" as the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron would say. And as for the "friends" question, personally, I would say don't worry about it. Just deal with what's in front of you now & let the future take care of itself, or as my mother would have told me: "don't borrow trouble." Good luck to you Viuam!