[nomorepainplz]

I am a 21 year old female that has been suffering from depression for about 2 years and on meds(many) for a little over a year. I just recently got out of the army and yes, i went to war for 9 months. It really messed me up. I was married for 2 months before i got deployed. While i was gone my husband cheated on me with 7 girls. It was really hard for me to readjust when i got back. I also gained 55 lbs while in the army. I also aquired Binge-eating disorder and panic attacks. I ran out of my prescription of zoloft and wellbutrin about 10 days ago and i am expierencing withdarwl symptoms... dizzyness for 75% of every day, gastric probs, short temper and a horrible raging temper when i blow up, suicidal ideations(SEVERE), sweating and hot constantly, insomnia(it is 3:03 am right now), crying outburst which include me screaming, (no one is around when i do though or i scream at my husband), and i just feel like crap. Plus i am having relationship problems and am dealing with my low, i mean, no self-esteem, and eating disorder. I have a mental health appt. soon but not soon enough. I have no friends because i have pushed them all away, and my family doesnt understand me so i can't talk with them. All i am looking for is some friends that i can talk to online, because i don't like to go out in public because of the way i look. I used to be thin and pretty, now i am 200 lbs, and i see my self as unattractive. I am also looking for any advice or ways to cope. I never want to be on any kind of antidepressant, i have tryed several. I want to start taking supplements and st. johns wort. Right now i feel ok, but i only because i am pre occupied and keeping myself busy. But there is only so much i can do in my house to stay busy. I have books upon books about depression, eating disorders, panic, ,relationship probs, ,but i don't have any concentration to read them. BOTTOM LINE: I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN, I KNOW WE ALL DO. IF ANY ONE CAN HELP ME HELP MYSELF I WOULD GREATLY APPRIECIATE IT. I AM TIRED OF BEING TIRED AND SUICIDAL. i have never attempted suicide though.

PLEASE JUST HELP..............

Thank you and God Bless

[krzyk101]

This is a good place to get support and I too have had alot of the feelings you expressed and am on meds as well.

You said you have an appointment with your mental health provider not soon?

I understand how all this feels, and not trying to be mean, but I think if your out of medication and are having this great amount of distress especially the feeling Suicidal but never have attempted it. I in your situation would seek Emergency Help. If you can not get to your doctor who prescribes your anti depressant medications I suggest that you go to your nearest Emergency Room to see a Doctor.

I do hope you continue to post here, it is a very good place to express your feelings. welcome

KRIS

As I sit in front of this computer screen, I meet and learn and am helped by those I have never seen.

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

I completely agree with Kris. You need to see someone now. I would try calling the place where you have an appt, and tell them that your depression is severe, you are going through withdrawal and will need to go to the emergency room today for meds if the doc can't see you today. If he/she still can't see you, then off to the hospital for you girl!

At the ER, just tell them about the withdrawal, you are depressed, can't get an appointment, and sick from lack of meds. They can prescribed meds, made sure you are safe and send you home.

Just promise us that you will be honest with them about whether you are or are not feeling suicidal. That's really important. No matter how bad things may seem at any one moment, remember, that things will change. Bad moments leave. Bad days go. Bad weeks leave. Even bad months. I've had bad years....they go too. Eventually, we find the good ones....good moments, good days....good weeks, months....yup, even good years. They will come. I promise.

You'll get through this. You'll get through the dark times. We have all been there. We help each other get through those tunnels to the bright shiney stuff on the other side.

Be kind to yourself...gentle as if you were taking care of a small child you love. That's the care you need right now.

You can have a bit of cry, blow that nose...then call your doc!

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm with the others. Get yourself into your therapist or the ER. You should never quit meds cold turkey! Personally, I can't see overcoming depression without medication, but that's just me.

Emmy is right. You need to take care of yourself as if you are responsible for a small child you love. It isn't being selfish. It's taking care of yourself. Please do that, ok?

[LadyDragus]

you need to see a doctor soon..

and talking to us on here is a good starting place to get some help.. We are not doctors frist off.. we are all in the same place or close to it as you..

We will listen or give advice as well as we can, but that is about all we can do.. Ask for help, and we will try ok..

Look in the Eating disorder section on that problem there are more qualified ppls over thre to help you out on that ok..

Being suicidal, is something only you can stip with the help of your doc, and with all that you came home too.. you need to get out of your marriage unless you can forgive your huasband for chaeating on yoru 7 times.. [ewwwwwww]

<font color=green>
The Toa pours our everthing into life --
It is cornucopie that never runs dry.

It is the deep source of everything--
it is nothing and yet in everything.

[dexter]

Just basically to repeat what everyone else has said...

I think one very positive thing in your favor is that you understand the illness and its symptoms and know that you need help with it. For a lot of people not accepting that is a huge, maybe the biggest, hurdle keeping them from feeling well.

I definitely think you should call your doctor and let the office know that something urgent requires some help before your next scheduled appointment. If this was a follow-up appointment with a doctor after surgery or something, if something unusual happened, sudden fever, unexpected pain, etc, the doctor would CERTAINLY NOT want you to wait until your next appointment. If you can;'t work something out sooner with your regular doc then try to work something in elsewhere, go to the ER if necessary or call a hotline.

Support does play an important role in keeping level so keep posting and reading here. As others have said, we are not a substitute for professional treatment but we can offer the support and true understanding of your symptoms and feelings.

In addition you can try to find a local support group in your area, it is a chance to meet and talk to people face-to-face.

Good luck.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[Lighthope]

Hello,

I carefully read your post, and I think it's wonderful you took the time to express yourself instead of doing something self-destructive. Oh my, your husband, well... there aren't words for that and so I won't go there. (Definitely go there with the counselor though) All I can really say is, I am so sorry... no one should have to go through such an experience and you never did anything to deserve that. HE is responsible for HIS behavior. I'm just sorry that HIS behavior necessarily affects your life.

You were wise to make the appt with the mental health counselor, but yes, you need a lot of support right now - you have been through so much in your young life. It sounds like you could benefit a lot from a support group, simply because being with people who share the same thoughts and struggles in a group makes it more "real" than being online, and I want you to have that experience of being understood. It's hard to be alone with your brain. Too many thoughts, many of them negative. I like that you said "help me help myself." See? You know exactly what you need - not a crutch, but a springboard.

I'm not a pharmacologist, but it sounds like your serotonin/norepi is giving you a run for your money. You need to make sure you find some help for the binge eating, because it's going to exacerbate the mood fluctuations. Please don't let thinking of it as a personal flaw stand in your way. Binge eating has NOTHING to do with "willpower." I mean, could we please banish the word "willpower"from the dictionary?

I wish I could take away your suicidal thoughts - getting online was a terrific idea. For me, it helps me to answer other people's posts. I don't know, it's like a dear-abby gene or something. It always makes me feel happier to know I could reach out to someone. Sure I have good, close friends who wouldn't mind if I called at 3:03 am - I just don't want to wake them up!

This WILL get better, with time and lots of hard work with a counselor and supportive people on and offline. You are a thinker - I know that you just work those suicidal thoughts over like a pat of dough. So my primary advice would be to put your analytic brain on hold when you catch yourself in suicidal mode. Good grief, I have lots to say, but I don't want to start the Gettysburg address here! LOL... just hang in there - you really ARE doing so much better than you think. I'm impressed, quite frankly. And I am SO proud of you for not giving into the temptation to self-harm. AWESOME!!!!!!

[(JD)]

(((((nomore)))) I know the military can help you... they have experience with these problems, and at the very least need to know that you are suffering... and remain persistent that you are their problem... you can't possibly solve this on your own.

Come here and post often, get the encouragement you need and go fight for yourself. Thank you for fighting for us.

<font color=blue> Character is who you are when no one is looking </font color=blue>