[Nammu]

I called the moble crises line, they came to see me and then called the police memiator and he thought because I called I could go into a less restrictive place. Note I'm using my iPad! No locked doors! It was dicey for a bit but the cop liked my art work and said if I could contrat to remain safe he would pus for this place. I hopeing the hope I feel is real and that there is real follow up from here. It's a small place and the staff quite friendly, much better than a hospital. I could have brought more regular clothiers here, with drawstrings and all!

Thank you those that responded to my earlier pestamistic post. It really helped. s to all

[lizzyjb]

I have had a talk with some friensd on mine about our money issue. 4 of us are unemplyed, an another two who still have a job are thinking about where are they going to loose. Not a good time. thinking in bills.
My hubby connfessed this mornig that he is so worry too.

Not a good day, really not a good day, but after all, not the worst.

[eggplantlife]

Lost. Would like to be found.

[Melodic]

I'm ready to move on for good. But that doesn't stop me missing the memories. I miss the first few months so, so, so, so, so much. We were perfect at the time. But I guess all relationships start off perfect, and then the real person comes out. I still regret the fact that if I wasn't so open with him, maybe I would have stayed perfect to him and he would have loved me as much as one before me, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I shouldn't focus on how he felt, but merely focus on myself and how I can find my self-esteem again.

I can't believe one year has passed already, it feels like yesterday that we first met and I was so happy. I wish I could relive the feeling of excitement, of feeling special, of feeling beautiful to just one person. But he was a different person back then. And that person is now gone.

On a side note, it seems I have a lot of obsessive thoughts, which is why I cannot stop thinking about him. It wasn't particularly that he was the one, or that he was that worth it, or that we were perfect for each other, it's just my extreme nostalgia/sentimental nature that forever stopped me from ending it myself, or from moving on without feeling extreme grief.

[Perfectly Broken]

Crying fits, really depressed. The issues I thought I worked out are back. Not sure if I'll feel the same tomorrow, but so sick of regressing back into depression. I get bad thoughts, I become angry at myself, and then become more depressed. Seems like the simplest things now trigger crying. I already have a migraine, crying makes it 100x worse. I just wish I could sleep already. Sleeping pills aren't helping to clear my mind or make me tired.

[birdpumpkin]

On the verge of panic. Going to sit with my mom this afternoon - she's just out of the hospital - while dad and my sister go to an appointment. Despite the fact he said he'd leave a door unlocked, I'm panicking he'll forget, and I'll get there and be locked out. She's taking pain pills for her leg that knock her out. He said she'd probably be in bed. I'm afraid if she were asleep and I was locked out, she couldn't hear me knocking or the door bell. What would I do for 2 1/2 hours if I were locked out and not there for mom?? So I'm panicking. I think I'll call and see if he cares if I come earlier than we'd planned, but if he knew the reason I'd feel totally stupid. This anxiety is so hard to deal with and keeps me so scared all the time.

[regretful]

Well...another day of depression is upon me...as it seem so for many on this check-in. There have not been any "ups" for quite some time now. Utter...painful...misery... :'(

[Bigmike727]

Well today has been going OK so far, still having no luck with a summer job though.

[pisces22]

I only slept 5 hours despite taking my sleep aid medication. I'm feeling very anxious this morning and wish I could sleep more.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mindful55]

Looking for employment and every reject is like a downward spiral to my depressed state. Everyone states to kept on trying, yet the rejection is still awaiting for me, for each application I fill out.

Can't get over my chronic boredom lately. Crave something to do but am out of ideas. I'm just sick of this depression. It has totally worn out its welcome!

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

On the verge of panic. Going to sit with my mom this afternoon - she's just out of the hospital - while dad and my sister go to an appointment. Despite the fact he said he'd leave a door unlocked, I'm panicking he'll forget, and I'll get there and be locked out. She's taking pain pills for her leg that knock her out. He said she'd probably be in bed. I'm afraid if she were asleep and I was locked out, she couldn't hear me knocking or the door bell. What would I do for 2 1/2 hours if I were locked out and not there for mom?? So I'm panicking. I think I'll call and see if he cares if I come earlier than we'd planned, but if he knew the reason I'd feel totally stupid. This anxiety is so hard to deal with and keeps me so scared all the time.

Hi birdpumpkin!
Is there any way you could get a duplicate key made for your parent's house? I am very forgetful and I have been known to make duplicates of duplicates, especially when it comes to keys! In the meantime, take deep breaths. I'm glad to hear that your mom is out of the hospital. That must be a relief for you. Take care.

As for me, today has been alright. I went to work and I was doing well mood-wise, until about halfway through my shift when I suddenly became very tired. It was a struggle to get through the rest of my day. It's my birthday today and I guess they forgot. Oh well. I told one of my friends at work and they sent out the obligatory birthday email to the rest of the team. I was about to leave when they sent it out though. I'm exhausted.

[dandylin]

Up and down today. DH had a good skype interview for a director of a behavioral health boarding school. I hope we hear back soon

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Hi birdpumpkin!
Is there any way you could get a duplicate key made for your parent's house? I am very forgetful and I have been known to make duplicates of duplicates, especially when it comes to keys! In the meantime, take deep breaths. I'm glad to hear that your mom is out of the hospital. That must be a relief for you. Take care.

As for me, today has been alright. I went to work and I was doing well mood-wise, until about halfway through my shift when I suddenly became very tired. It was a struggle to get through the rest of my day. It's my birthday today and I guess they forgot. Oh well. I told one of my friends at work and they sent out the obligatory birthday email to the rest of the team. I was about to leave when they sent it out though. I'm exhausted.

Happy Birthday

[tigerlily84]

Thanks dandylin!

I'm crossing my fingers for your DH!

[Nammu]

This place is far better than a hospital, it's voluntary and unlocked, but I wanted to leave anyway. They said, we can't stop you but well arrange for you to go to a hospital, it's not safe for you to go home. Sooo I started writing things out and realized I wanted to leave because I feel out of control, thus powerless and exposed, the real reason I want to leave is comfort level. But at home as much as it is comfortable and mostly in my control, I just distract myself instead of facing the things I need to face. Sooo my new saying to self is, sometimes in order to move forward I need to be Uncomfortable. I will survive this.

Feeling a bit better now that I've realized I need this. I think I still struggle with the idea I need to accept I have a MI that is life long, it's not going away if I ignore it. I need to manage it. I hate this illness.

So good at giving advice sooo bad at taking the advice.

[lizzyjb]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Hi birdpumpkin!
Is there any way you could get a duplicate key made for your parent's house? I am very forgetful and I have been known to make duplicates of duplicates, especially when it comes to keys! In the meantime, take deep breaths. I'm glad to hear that your mom is out of the hospital. That must be a relief for you. Take care.

As for me, today has been alright. I went to work and I was doing well mood-wise, until about halfway through my shift when I suddenly became very tired. It was a struggle to get through the rest of my day. It's my birthday today and I guess they forgot. Oh well. I told one of my friends at work and they sent out the obligatory birthday email to the rest of the team. I was about to leave when they sent it out though. I'm exhausted.

Happy Birthday!

[regretful]

Rotten...life continues to be ruled by depression...

[Fuzzybear]

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

This place is far better than a hospital, it's voluntary and unlocked, but I wanted to leave anyway. They said, we can't stop you but well arrange for you to go to a hospital, it's not safe for you to go home. Sooo I started writing things out and realized I wanted to leave because I feel out of control, thus powerless and exposed, the real reason I want to leave is comfort level. But at home as much as it is comfortable and mostly in my control, I just distract myself instead of facing the things I need to face. Sooo my new saying to self is, sometimes in order to move forward I need to be Uncomfortable. I will survive this.

Feeling a bit better now that I've realized I need this. I think I still struggle with the idea I need to accept I have a MI that is life long, it's not going away if I ignore it. I need to manage it. I hate this illness.

So good at giving advice sooo bad at taking the advice.

I feel you in accepting an MI that is life long. Most of us struggle with this, I guess. Hoping that you find the positive in this negative

[herethennow]

First, happy birthday tigerlily!!

So my state. I feel fine. I don't feel down. Yet, I find myself thinking of suicide and how it would be best to.. just go. This is puzzling me. Am I a danger to myself? I don't know. Should I tell this to my pdoc? Confused.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by herethennow

First, happy birthday tigerlily!!

So my state. I feel fine. I don't feel down. Yet, I find myself thinking of suicide and how it would be best to.. just go. This is puzzling me. Am I a danger to myself? I don't know. Should I tell this to my pdoc? Confused.

If you are not actively planning how to do it then it isn't necessary to call them but do mention these thoughts next time you see them.

[nakitakunai]

Happy Birthday, tigerlily!

[Bigmike727]

Well today was good, caught up on the Bates Motel Season 2 I missed most of due to school. It's a pretty good show. I also managed to get caught up on the Longmire episode I missed, I love Longmire, it is one of my favorite shows. If only I could find a summer job now, I find it hard to believe that every legal firm on my island already has a student working over the summer.

[TheOriginalMe]

Miserable again. I keep thinking I wish I could die, by this I mean that I wish it were possible for me to die. It isn't possible to die, I'm already dead, this is eternity............depression. Somewhere, there is a voice goading me, saying "Go on, you've nothing to lose, you'll be no worse off if you try. You might even be better off, you'd know for sure that you can't die."

The only problem for me is that I haven't the energy to think about how, so here I am stuck with a voice that is mocking and goading and taunting, laughing at my inability to take action, adding to my humiliation, exposing my inadequacies, demonstrating my worthlessness and my hopelessness.

This is forever, why can't I just accept that, the depression is enough on its own, I don't need tormenting in this way.