[Abby]

I don't know where to start, or even if i should. I don't feel as if i deserve to write here when i read some of the hells that others are going through. I feel as if i'm just writing in here in order to try and fit in. But i don't belong, i'm different somehow. I think i'm happy, yet i still feel as if i'm trapped and need to escape. I don't feel as bad as i have done, but it is so different from before, i just need to collapse in on myself every-so-often.
I know everyone feels bad and sometimes like hell on earth so why does this not make things easier? Why don't i feel normal because of this? i feel as if i'm on the outside looking in at everyone even those that are depressed. I don't belong anywhere - i'm seperate.
I understand but don't comprehend. I can't say to myself look around you and see how fortuate you are in comparison.
I'm tired. I'm just not entirely sure what of.
I can't explain so prehaps i shouldn't even try.
Abby

[Dude]

Unfortunately I don't fully comprehend what you are feeling because I am not you. It doesn't matter whether you feel in or not here as long as you doing what you need to be doing for your own personal satisfaction whether it be helping people or getting help yourself. Really it's up to you. Fitting in? I don't think it really matters at all Abby. I mean, I sure do not fit in here. Infact there are more than a few people that feel they don't fit in for whatever reason. Anyway, I will try to get to know you. I actually have not seen you on here so I can't really apologize for not making an effort if I've never seen you right?

Anyway. Hope you feel more at home when all the wonderful people here also reply to this. good luck, not that you need it though.

[LadyDragus]

Fitting in To me is one of the hardest things to do..

WE are instilld from perschool if we are going to fit in to something in life. as we get older do we ever fit in, to anyting. Yes sometimes we do, and sometimes we do not.

But is that really imporantant ? TO me no.. What should be impoanrnt is how you feel about yourslef, now do not get me worng, haveing friends is a wonderful thing gorwing up, and having a bunch is even nicer, but I had one true freind in grade school and through high school, and you know to this day, she is the only one I would ever want to call around the time of my High school reuion this year..

Why, would I want to fit in with the kids in my schoool when they were all "snobs" I dont.. Because I am my own person, I do not want to be them. I want to be me..

That is something you have to decide on your own Abby.

Feeling normal
ok this is all in how you define what normal is.. what one person says is normal may not be what you say is normal for your life, and what I say is normal may not be what you say is normal.. So being normal.. Is not always a good or bad thing..

So come and be happy here feel safe post talk about what you need help on.. Find a click that you feel the need to get what you can from, and hopefully my ramblings of a "mad" dragon have helped..
and I have not confused you even more

.

<font color=purple>
world.. You are no longer going to rule me.. "I" I am going to rule myself"

[dexter]

Abby I know how you feel

Try to remember that however you feel, this particular place is a place where you DO fit in, by definition.

Think this: this is a place for people who don't feel as if they fit anywhere in life. So if you don't even feel like you fit in here, that means you are a perfect fit on a level even more than most of us!

Abby never compare your pain to that of others. In some cases it is good to have a "reality check" to help you realize that the things one worries about aren't all that important. But that only works for times when we can pick and choose our worries. If you are really in pain, it doesn't matter what the person next to you is feeling, because you don't feel his pain, you feel yours.

I'm not saying you shouldn't empathize with others and in fact I believe that is one of the most helpful and constructive things you can do in order to help yourself as well.

All I am saying is that you should never look at someone else's pain and come to the conclusion that your own pain isn't important in comparison. You have the right to feel better, to work on yourself, to seek treatment. This place doesn't have any "yardsticks" that we measure membership by. Everyone helps everyone else, because whether the pain is "big" or "small" we recognize that it is important and we understand.

So just by virtue of your wanting to be here, it makes you "belong" here.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[bptoo]

Abby,

I think many of us here feel like we don't fit in. Is that because we don't conform to what the world's definition of normal is? I feel like I'm on the outside looking in much of the time. But one the the great things about this place, is that when I get to that window that separates me from all the normal people, I have to ask one of you to move aside and make room for me. And then I know I'm not alone.

It may not feel that way right now Abby, but you have friends here, many of them you haven't even met yet. But if you ever want to talk about something that doesn't really make any sense, we're your group...

Be well,
Greg

[(JD)]

Welcome Abby! Of course you fit in here... you have feelings and wish to share and or learn more about yourself, don't you?

It's perfectly fine with me that you might not be in "my" hell! I wouldn't want everyone to suffer just because.. and in fact, having others feel bad doesn't make me feel better, but worse. Having others feel bad does NOTHING for them or me.

Each of us has our own path. Your path will at times be easier or harder than another's... depending upon your abilities and needs... we have nothing to do with how easy or difficult you find it.

You are an individual. That's okay. Indeed, THAT is normal!

Come back and post often. There are many caring members here.



<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Abby]

I wish i was as strong as you guys. I know that not fitting in is not the end of the world, i know that the definition of normal depends on who you are, where you live, so many factors but this logic doesn't help with my desire to belong, despite there being no real place to belong to. I feel i need to be accepted, to belong so i'm not alone.
My family picks up on my change in behaviour and yet i cannot talk to them. I want them to understand and yet i don't want to let them in as well. I don't want to show them, anyone how weak i am inside. The minute i start talking i hear how pathetic i sound, saying things are bad when there is no reason to feel bad. If i think i'm pathetic, i dread to think what others will be thinking. I feel ashamed.
I know this next part will sound extremely pathetic and very mean, but if i had very bad depression and was still surviving then at least i could think to myself how strong i am for putting up with the crap. But mine is mild, and on and off, and i only can't take it because i am a weaker person than everyone else. This is the truth, if someone else stood in my shoes they would wonder why i was so upset. I can't bear to be a weak person, i want to be strong, i want to be able to cope, i want to do all those things that people say will pull me out of this hole, like looking at the beauty in things, going on walks etc so i can say to myself, look you feel crap but look how much courage and will power you have for pulling yourself though it. But i'm unable to do that, i am not strong enough to do that. I sit and complain and cause a fuss over nothing. I wish i could deal with this, so i could have alittle pride in myself.
I love the idea that others are with me looking through the glass to the other side. And i understand you are there, but i cannot believe it. I know you are there but i think i've become seperated behind another glass. A glass that shuts out both "your world" and the "other world".
I have not been on here much because i am in India still. I almost don't want to tell you this because it makes me feel like more of a fool for feeling this way and i know what you are thinking reading this. It makes me more weak, that even with my luxuries and opportunities i cannot find it in myself to feel happy.
I'm ashamed, embarassed, confused - someone else should be having my life not me.
Abby

[dexter]

hi abby

you said some interesting things. like about other people having severe depression which makes them strong, and you believing you have mild depression and that makes you weak.

I would really like you to think about this! one thing we know about depression is it makes us only see the negative things around us and in ourselves. it really is a good analogy to say it lies to us and makes us think and believe the worst.

you are surviving your depression! and you are doing it in india, away from home! just being away from home can be very stressful! yet although you are having a difficult time, you are still aware of what is going on, trying to get through, and doing constructive things like posting here.

That shows a LOT of strength abby. your depression may not let you believe that but you have to try to trust me on this one. Even the idea that your depression "isn't as bad" as other people's is a subjective idea that your depression can latch on to and make the worst of. You cannot say if your depression is more mild or more severe than anyone else's, because you have never had the opportunity to "feel" anyone elses! Only your own!

And from your descriptions it certainly sounds like your depression is very severe, and yet you are dealing with it well, as well as possible. Maybe you only think that your depression is mild because in reality you have so much strength that you can keep it under control better than other people!

Just try to stay level abby, I think you are doing well. When things seem really negative remember that is a "false impression". the actual bad feelings you have are the sign that your depression is bad.

good luck abby

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[silver_queen]

Abby,

Hope this makes you feel better!

***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs*** ***hugs***

- silver_queen

[lmn]

I know the feeling of not thinking you should be here and there are so many others that are worst off.
I am partically in denial about my depression. I dont want to think it could happen to me. I have alot going for me but i dont want any of it. I dont want to be an adult and I dont want to make my own decisions. I am just so tired. I cant explain it more than that. But I feel like I should be able to pull myself out of it.....and that isn;t working....so not feeling like you should be here is a common thought process I think

[(JD)]

((((abby)))) sorry, I am too depressed to change your thinking ... I'm thinking the same. I just can't find you in the dark.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>