New way of expressing anger?

Depression is hitting me pretty hard today. My eyes are constantly tearing up and I have no idea why. I'm not a crier. I get angry and stomp around or I lay in bed and sleep but I don't walk around crying. This is kinda strange for me. Could this be a new way of expressing anger? Is it a good or a bad thing? Well, at least I'm not stomping around and slamming things. I just feel so sad and I think it's because I've been thinking over things from when I was in the thick of my depression. People can be so god damn mean. I mean, you're feeling down and out and you're obviously a little out of sorts and people just use that oppurtunity to kick you. And there's no reason for it. I'm angry and sad that I didn't stick up for myself. I never stuck up for myself. I'd stick up for someone I loved in a heartbeat but not for myself and I'm very mad at myself for not telling those people to go F$#% off.

HI Jax, I'm also feeling very tearful, something that is new to me. Before my saddness was always covered up by my anger. I think crying is a good thing!.

I;m not sure about the other people in your life. Sometimes they are embarrassed by their own lack of understanding and use anger also. I don't think you need to beat yourself up for not being mean back. It takes a brave person to just turn the other cheek.

Just let yourself be with your tears and let them heal you, and then maybe you will be more aware of what type of person you will into your life in future? Its painful when we start to see just how abusive our relationships have become.

Perhaps your crying for the vunrable part of yourself today? Take care of her.

Hi Mouse,
You're going through the same thing? (((((((Mouse))))))))))
I can't actually cry-it gets stuck in my eyes and won't come out. The tears stay stuck at the rims.
You take care too. Thank you.

Jax, I think it might be a good thing, sounds to me like you're "closer" to anxiety/depression. I know for me, when I get anxious it turns into anger as a way "out" so I'm not stuck feeling helpless. I know now when I unreasonably angry to stop and look for what hurts. But if you go straight to anger, do not stop, do not collect $200 :-) that would be hard for me as there'd be another "layer" between what was making me unhappy and my unhappiness.

Hi Jax:
Hmmmmmmmmmm...thanks for sharing your emotions today.
I used to only have like two emotions. Happy and angry. Whenever I felt sad or depressed or anything but happy, I would express that emotion as anger.
Since October all I have been doing is crying. But, my tears don't get stuck at the rims, they just pour out. Sometimes, throughout my life, I have not cried when I should have because, maybe, I thought it was a sign of weakness. Perhaps I didn't feel comfortable letting anyone see that I was in a vulnerable state because I was afraid that people would take advantage of my vulnerability. Like, kick me when I am down. Now, I can't control the tears, they just come when they come. But, interestingly, I don't FEEL any different than I did when I was expressing anger.
My apologies if this diatribe doesn't provide you with any answers. Your posting just got me to thinking and I felt like commiserating.
Maybe crying IS a new way of expressing anger OR, maybe our anger was just masking our true emotions. Emotions that we are not truly in touch with yet and, therefore, don't really know how to express?

((((((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))

I hear ya loud and clear

Jax, I found that People that never have had experience with depression see it as a weakness, not an illness. My family included. When you run a fever, they take you to a doctor right away. When you have a cold, the bring over soup. If you have an operation, they are at your bedside and in the waiting room. You are sick and they want to help. When you are suffering from depression, they think it's all in your head and you are wallowing in self pitty. Being selfish. It will pass in a day or two. It is fatigue, Laziness, guilt, fear of getting old, anything but an Illness that needs medical treatment. Anger is natural. Sadness is common. I learned to not worry about everyone else for a while and worry about myself. I've spent a lifetime helping others. It's my turn now. I knew how I felt. I knew what I needed and I did it. Didn't care what others said and thought. They just don't understand. Wish you Luck. I've been there too. Sincerely, Cajun

(((((((Pat)))))))))
(((((((Perna)))))))) (((((((((((HopeSpringsEternal))))))))))) ((((((((Jen)))))))))) and ((((((((((Cajun)))))))))))
Thank you for your support and perspective. I hope this is a new way of releasing my anger 'cause it's more acceptable to cry than to be angry for a woman.
I'm feeling a little better now. Thanks again.

Hi Jax

You know, I honestly believe that I can release anger w/ tears.........so perhaps your tears are tears of anger, too?

It is good to cry.........let it all out..........don't keep it in...........

And put yourself first. I know, it's a LOT easier SAID than done..........but most people in life, unfortunately will tread all over you if you don't. It's a dog-eat-dog world, I've found........you have to put yourself first just to survive. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that.

Btw, why don't you try writing letters to these people you are angry at & then shredding them? Tell them ANYTHING.......that's the beauty of the letters.

Hope this helps.

Take it easy.

des

Thanks Desperado. (((((((Desperado)))))))) I'm learning to stick up for myself-it's taken me long enough.
Those letters sound like a good idea. I think I'll try it.

You are welcome, Jax.

Good for you.

Btw, I sobbed tears of hurt and tears of ripe anger this weekend.

Cry on.

des

((((((Des)))))))
I'm sorry you're in an emotional turmoil- your little mood guy looks really unhappy. Oh, I see, he's distressed. I'm sorry about that. It's good that you're able to cry and let those feelings out. I think as long as we're feeling something, then I guess we're okay.
I hope you and your mood guy feel better soon.

((((((((((((((( Jax )))))))))))))))

((((((((Fuzzybear))))))

Jax, I also realised that I was better at sticking up for those around me than I was at sticking up for myself. When I gave that some serious thought I began to think about situations at work, home or with friends that made me feel angry, hurt or teary eyed. I asked myself what would I tell a friend to do or say in that situation? Then I used that for myself. At first it was difficult and often I still ended up feeling bad and beaten down. But as I kept it up and kept trying, I slowly got better at sticking up for myself. It's been a great help in getting over depression quicker. Good luck!

Thank you Pomegranate. That's some good advice.