Feeling strange. Like I don't need to go to the depression forums, like I'm not depressed but a bit upset at my life now. I'm confused though. I don't know why this is happening. I can't say I'm content by any means. I feel very alone and like I don't understand what happened to the total mess of a person who cried almost everyday.
Maybe this is just a different way of being depressed.

[aprillynn197]

Originally Posted by needarealitycheck

Feeling strange. Like I don't need to go to the depression forums, like I'm not depressed but a bit upset at my life now. I'm confused though. I don't know why this is happening. I can't say I'm content by any means. I feel very alone and like I don't understand what happened to the total mess of a person who cried almost everyday.
Maybe this is just a different way of being depressed.

That happened to me with medicine and one day it stopped working and I was sad and crying a lot again but not as bad as before. I was able to eat this time around.

[regretful]

It's like the weekends come and go...this past weekend was okay from a socializing perspective, but beyond that it was the same ~ stuck in this depression. It's exhausting.

[mulan]

I am just sad today. All I kept thinking during today was how boring and uninteresting I was being, and I am.

[TheOriginalMe]

Rotten day at work. I've just got to ride it out though. The possibilities are that things get better, get worse or stay the same. There's not much I can do to change things as my boss won't listen. There's not much point me looking for a new job until after christmas, it is always flat in the jobs market at this time of year. Plus I've only just gone back after 6 months off and I need to show that I'm not flaky and the only way of doing that is by turning up come hell or high water.

I am making progress.
I don't let myself think too much in the past and that has really changed me. My counselor has given me some basic skills.
I never had one who didn't give up on me, or who left me with homework and coping skills, this is really good. Now I'm just worried I'm going to miss her soon when she sees I'm doing better. I actually miss my sister but I know if we spent much more time together we'd end up likely crossing wires... her visits often send my thoughts racing, maybe I'm just hoping to get her approval too much.

[Rose76]

I'm all right . . . considering. I'm learning it's good to avoid angry people.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm all right . . . considering. I'm learning it's good to avoid angry people.

When I meet angery people it always reminds me of the line from Desiderata; ..."avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations to the spirit..."

[alk2601]

I feel like ****. I want to self-harm very badly; and I have not had a self-harm urge in years. I want to get drunk or high to bury my depression. I am trying to abstain from either because of health problems. And because I've missed so much work already from being hungover. Although right now I'm not sure that I care whether I miss work tomorrow, I just want to get ****ed up. Yesterday I was fine, today I'm losing control.

[tigerlily84]

Feel like I'm getting sick. Today seemed to take forever. And my boss today gave me a hug, which was weird. They say that I'm going to be missed, and for once I don't want to deny that I mattered at all.

[regretful]

Other than depression, I feel nothing...unless you count anger...I wouldn't wish depression on anyone.

[Bark]

Tired. I think I'll see the nurse tomorrow because I don't think I can tolerate this for another week. 12 hours of sleep felt like nothing. And I have to study. So hard to focus.

Feeling bad. Cloudy and chilly today, really depressing. Parents fought last night. I got barely any sleep and was woken up at 8 this morning to them fighting again, only sober that time. Dad doesn't even remember any of the **** he said last night. Kept denying it and telling Mom to leave him alone. Oh, he'll be left alone, alright...
Sometimes I wonder, why am I still here? When I could be long gone?...

[tigerlily84]

Yes I am very sick. I am so out of it today..

[Turtlesoup]

Kind of feeling my mood taking that downward slide-which in turn makes me anxious because I know how quickly that little slide can change into a spiral-I've been really triggered the last few days with negative news items so am trying to stay away from that-will be seeing my pdoc next Monday for medication adjustment. I'm going to try to focus my energy on an art project today-I wish good things for all of us that are dealing with these kinds of issues.

I can't do this! I'm everyone else's rock, but I have no one of my own to go to for support.
I am completely and entirely alone in this miserable so-called "life"!

[TheOriginalMe]

Another lousy day at work. I did a rotten job of riding it out, got triggered, lost my composure. Faking it, is most definitely not doing the trick.

Nearly gave in to si, but backed down because I thought "What's the point?" Therein lies the problem, there just isn't any point at all.

I'm stuck in an endless spiral where I have to work but then I'm under pressure to perform, if I don't perform I'm deemed incapable and threatened with a competency hearing, but if I have time off sick I'm threatened with a disciplinary hearing. Either way the outcome is dismissal and in the end they'll sack me one way or the other. Do I have a choice about suffering from depression, do I actually want to be ill, of course not, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, so why am I being treated so harshly for an illness that I didn't choose?

[waterknob1234]

I have had a wild week. I went on vacation to the Smoky Mountains. It was so beautiful and wonderful I did not want to come home. There was a snowstorm and we lost electricity. We at least had firewood and a fireplace. It was still cold but I still loved it all anyway. Snow is so cool to someone who lives in a place where it never snows.

Then I had to come home and back to reality. Ugh!! Going back to work everything at the job was in disarray. My work and everyone else's was so backed up. The head nurse went on vacation this week so I am doing my job and her job. The irresponsible employee has been acting up and not working if she can get around it. Yesterday I was so overwhelmed. I made mistakes, which I hate. The doctors were angry with me. What a nightmare. On top of that I am having to work 12 hour days and I am still behind with everything. To top it off I am having difficulty getting refills on some of my meds with the mail order pharmacy. Oh well, time to quit griping. I can at least have happy memories of my 5 days in the mountains.

[Rose76]

I'm recovering from a hurtful encounter. I need to get over it and move on.

[Shriveled Muse]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I can't do this! I'm everyone else's rock, but I have no one of my own to go to for support.
I am completely and entirely alone in this miserable so-called "life"!

Hi ShyPoetGirl, I've been following your posts in this thread with your situation with your parents and such. I would like for you to know that I feel the exact same way as you, so in that way you are not alone? I know it's not much help, but if you need someone to lend you an ear, you can message me or I'm sure most people here on this forum are willing to help you if a counselor of some sort is not available for you.

Best wishes and good luck!!

[Bark]

Almost 12 hours of sleep and I'm. So. Tired. Maybe eating breakfast will help but that's tiring too. I don't have anything I absolutely have to get out of bed for right now, even things like telling the nurse I'm incredibly tired. I don't feel like typing an email that will take five minutes. I just feel like going back to sleep. Guess I'd better force myself.

[Melodic]

I've been trying really hard to be open and friendly to people, hoping that will make me realise that there's no need to be avoidant and that I can easily find friends and maybe eventually a partner from a friendship. But I'm finding that I'm trying really hard to put myself out there but I genuinely feel that I am trying in vain, it's almost as if everyone knows how hard I am trying and shun me for being too desperate to be friendly. But it doesn't make sense because I'm not even doing that much, just doing more than I usually would, but it's making me stupidly paranoid. I'm tempted to go back to my completely aloof, disinterested and avoidant self who doesn't initiate anything whatsoever, but back then I was happy with it, and now I couldn't be so happy completely being so alone.

Also, I am starting to have recurring thoughts of hopelessness and existentialism, and they are overriding everything else because I once again realise how pointless life is in general. I'm getting older, my parents are getting older, and sigh.. I guess it helps to know that anything I do is pointless anyway. I honestly feel like I'm just sitting around waiting until all the positivity is drawn out of me and I die.

[regretful]

Darn depression...it just won't release its grip...

[herethennow]

realised i'm easily triggered.

a little bit down today... hoping that this doesn't go where i really don't want it to go. i *need* to survive this semester.

[bipolar_militarywyf]

I am depressed with no motivation to do anything but lay in the bed. Ask me why I am depressed and I cannot tell you. I think this is what irritates me the most is to have this mental illness and not know why. I hate going to my therapist because he seems to think its easy for me to rise from the bed and do anything. I am a agoraphobic also who finds the comfort of my home safe. He wants to tell me its my sub conscience that keeps me in fear. subconscience or not I'm not I don't have the energy to leave my bed or the motivation to leave my home. It would be nice to have others to talke to. I am on twitter daily talking so feel free to meet me on there under bipolarmilwyf.