[lonely-and-sad]

Another day over. I wish I had someone to cuddle tonight.

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

Another day over. I wish I had someone to cuddle tonight.

I know the feeling. I had a dream last night that a friend was cuddling me, then I woke up alone and cold. It really hurts and I wish the same thing all the time (I get no physical affection whatsoever, there's no one in my life who can or would give it to me). I'm sending a big a your way.

[lonely-and-sad]

Thanks. I will sleep on that now.

[aprillynn197]

Wish I didnt wake up today. I hate when im not sleeping. Rather deal with nightmares. Real life is just getting too hard to live. One thing after another keeps hitting me when im down.

[regretful]

Well, I can certainly empathize with everyone that posts on this depression check-in. I do wish that I'd be able to post that I'm doing better, but this illness has me in its grips and just won't relent...

[TheOriginalMe]

Survived the day at work. Concentration is so hard after about 5 hours. Then I lose focus, needless to say I'm being given tasks that take longer than my concentration span. I end up being terrified about making a mistake and I end up correcting things that are just fine. Everything takes so much longer than it should. My boss doesn't get how much confidence I have lost because of depression and he thinks I should be able to function normally by now.

[angelene]

I had to cancel an appointment with my T a few days ago because I knew I just wouldn't be able to make it. Too down, not enough energy, etc. So I messaged the office to make another appointment and received a terse reply, telling me I have an appointment on the 26th, of which I am aware.
I was trying to set up another appointment in advance because this lady is in high demand and booked solid! There was no need to get *****y about it!

My Sylvia Plath books arrived in the mail a day early! But I only have The Collected Poems and The Unabridged Journals. The order for the collectible Letters Home was cancelled, because apparently the last one had already been sold. *sigh* Off to ebay now I guess. But I am loving my other two books, the covers are pretty and I can't wait to read them. :3

[mulan]

I'm a little bit terrified. I feared death when I was a child.
Most of the time we just think about ourselves as if we were unmortal. At least when we are young. These weeks I have faced daily how life must gets to an end and how death is more than certain. And that feeling of insecurity of losing ourselves or someone we like in a blink isn't leaving me.

[aprillynn197]

I always do something wrong im a pathetic loser

[SadPam]

My partner of almost 40 years committed suicide in late August. I have suffered from depression my entire life and this has taken it to a whole new level. He lied to me about having life insurance when he didn't and now I have to move to a less expensive place; the stress and anxiety of moving combined with his loss is off the charts.

I have never enjoyed life, never understood how people are "happy", and truthfully am angry that he didn't ask me if I'd like to join him. I have to work and consider it a "good" day if I can make it to the car after work before I start sobbing. Evenings and weekends are their own special kind of hell.

The Lord has been answering prayer and opening doors in my life that only He can. Yet He's ignoring my prayer to have a fatal heart attack in my sleep.

I feel that my depression is coming back. Normally at this time of year it goes away. Because I get depression from the early spring to about October. I guess I have to accept that depression is going to happen to me year round now.

Work was very slow for me today. I have Tuesday off because of Veteran's Day. So a lot of people didn't show up for work today. I feel very depressed now because the sun sets early. I have not been working out with the weights for a couple of months now (I've been doing that for years) because I got hurt with arm and back pains. The pains are getting better now, but I will have minor surgery next week. So I had decided to put off working out with the weights because I will have that surgery pretty soon and then I would have to quit working out for a while after that. What had got me through the last couple of months with not working out was bike riding after work. Can't do that now with the sun setting earlier.

I have been waking up in the mornings with dread. I am just dreading the future because I don't see anything to look forward to. But there seems to be so much to dread. I've been having weird dreams lately.

[regretful]

Thought today might be the day that I woke up a bit more cheerful, but again, depression ruined it. It's getting harder and harder to separate the depression for my self...it is part of me.

[tigerlily84]

Still sick. I hate being sick. The good news is that I only have 2 more days at my current job! I'm still not 100% certain about this new job, but I can only adopt a "wait and see" attitude. Also, apparently my background check hasn't come back yet for the new company... I am told because I have a common name. It's been a week and a half; how long does it take?

[angelene]

Too down to articulate my level of depression today.

[TerryL]

gosh, i haven't posted in a while but am just having a really hard time right now. my beloved bunny died last week. i don't have any close family or friends around so my pets are my family and dusty was my heart. i was lucky to have had him in my life for 14 years. when my mom died, i had no one and he was my anchor and now he is gone..i miss him so much. i feel so alone.

[Jolisse]

My depression has hit an all time low, I can't take feeling like this.

[boomerango]

Originally Posted by TerryL

gosh, i haven't posted in a while but am just having a really hard time right now. my beloved bunny died last week. i don't have any close family or friends around so my pets are my family and dusty was my heart. i was lucky to have had him in my life for 14 years. when my mom died, i had no one and he was my anchor and now he is gone..i miss him so much. i feel so alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your sweet bunny.

[boomerango]

Originally Posted by regretful

Thought today might be the day that I woke up a bit more cheerful, but again, depression ruined it. It's getting harder and harder to separate the depression for my self...it is part of me.

I have the same thought train. Depression is part of who I am. Maybe it won't always be such a big part or me.
It occurs to me that I separate my depressive self from my other self to function at work. I feel partly inauthentic that way. And then on off days, my depression flies out and over and covers everything.

[boomerango]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Tomorrow is my 18th b-day. It's taken me until the very day before to get even a smidge excited about it.

I hope your birthday was a peaceful one. I hope all the days after are fine!

Originally Posted by boomerango

I hope your birthday was a peaceful one. I hope all the days after are fine!

Unfortunately, it was cruddy and disappointing. But thank you.

[Shriveled Muse]

To everyone who posts in this thread: wishing the utmost best for you all in these dark dreary times. Although I don't have the energy to reply individually to all the posts on here, I just want to extend my well wishes and warmest hugs for everyone. These are some terribly bleak days for most of us here and perhaps knowing that someone out there is rooting for your well-being would allow even the smallest sliver of light to shine through those black storm clouds. For those days when you have no energy to get out of bed. For those days when you feel like your heart is being squeezed. For those days when it feels like gravity is ten times stronger on you than anyone else. For those days when you want nothing more but to curl up in your blankets and cry.

((((Hugs)))) to everyone because I can't think of any words for comfort. Sometimes, the hope for a better future doesn't mean anything anymore, but maybe an extended hand would?

[Rose76]

I'm kind of bummed out.

I had the day off today. This morning before getting out of bed I had some dreadful feelings. Just thinking about the future and stuff I have lined up that I have to do that I dread.

I did my laundry just after getting out of bed. There is a laundry room in the little building that I live at. It's nice and convenient for me. Met a nice guy to talk to, and that helped. But a half hour later after starting the wash, I had a problem with one of the washers (I used two) as it was very slow to complete the cycle. After a long wait, I was able to get my clothes out. I thought that my clothes would stay locked in it.

After breakfast and taking care of the laundry, I went to visit my friend. I had a very nice time even though we didn't do anything. Just talked, and that was all I needed. Especially with the way that I was feeling. He has accepted my feelings with depression and anxiety. But he still does not understand how it feels. Well, that's much better than having him throw me out of his life like others would do.

[Melodic]

This has got to be at least the third time this has happened now, where he has told me a relationship would not work, but has proceeded to treat me like he would treat a gf or a sister by wanting to hug or look after me, so much so that I thought he was still trying to win me back before he told me we were incompatible. I think we're incompatible too, and I thought I was prepared myself to end it for good again. But, like usual, the nostalgia and over-emotional sadness washes over me and I keep wishing like hell that we could have worked out. Like, in another dimension we could have been perfect together. He sounds so stoic and detached now that it saddened me so much, and I could almost have promised him things would work out better if he just gave it another chance.. But if I told him that, it would have been a lie. I can't change that much and neither can he.

He also wants me to date his best friend, because if I did, I would not date a random person he doesn't know, but rather someone he trusts and cares about, and he wants us both to be happy. Yet he still seems to care about me more than I would expect just a friend to. I'm not sure what he is hoping for or whether I should be immensely confused.. but he was always okay with just being friends with me and it always hurt me to feel this, and it still sort of does. I'm just sad again. I honestly feel like I'll never get over him and yet.. I have to. I want to find someone who's compatible once and for all and never have to feel this sad, forbidden longing and heartbreak again. Even though I'm not feeling as bad this time, this must be the last time, and I will do my best to push on and not give in again, so that we can both move on with our lives. I just need someone else to make me forget the lingering attachments I have to him.