Eh. - If anything, that's the word I'd use to describe my day so far. Depressed, but then again that's how I am all the time. Recovering from a setback, wondering what to do and where to go from here. It seems no matter which direction I take I'm always running into a brick wall, some insurmountable difficulty wedging itself between me and what I need. Each time I get my hopes up for something that might work out, it falters. I am growing increasingly hopeless.

Took some time to care for myself today. I went above and beyond the usual shower and shaved my legs - kinda. There's a few little patches of hair I missed, but I don't seem to care enough about anything anymore to do a good job. Then afterwards I dried my hair (though forgot to part it the way I like). And then, to top all that, I clipped my nails (including toenails) and decided to paint my fingernails.

I had to remove the old polish from 3-4 weeks ago, which wasn't hard. The hard part was the polishing. The first hand came out fine, but the second hand I kept messing up, getting the polish on my skin and either having not enough or too much - it looked horrible.

Self-critical thoughts came on. What kind of girl am I, if I can't even paint my nails? It's true, I've never been into the girlie stuff, and I have always been considered plain and unattractive. But now it seems I even do my nail polish like an ugly girl. I'm starting to wonder why I should even try.

It feels like everything I do is futile and hopeless. Why bother?

things have been pretty good here today

[Rose76]

Not doing well today.

Originally Posted by Rose76

Not doing well today.

why...?

what's happening

[Turtlesoup]

Slept really well again-yay-good day so far-I even brought in the recycling cans early-usually I wait a couple of days before dragging them in.

[jegsu01]

Today has been an okay day. I have been shopping with my mom and have tried to stay busy. Staying busy helps me keep my mind off my depression but still feeling pretty depressed though.

Depressed and could use a friend to talk to, but I don't really have any. I might go out later, even to the grocery store, at least it's going out.

[angelene]

None of my friends are local but one of them was going to come to town for New Year's Eve. I was really looking forward to ringing in the new year with him. Just found out he can't make it. My feelings just plummeted when I heard.
Now I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow night. It shouldn't matter because I've had many unmemorable New Year's Eves...

[TheOriginalMe]

Even when I have a calm day, the tears aren't far away. I feel that I need to decide whether to carry on trying or just give up and await my fate. Trying doesn't guarantee success, giving up means failure, but I don't know what failure will actually be. Maybe it is all hopeless anyway and whatever I do, try or give up, will lead to the same outcome. Everything feels so futile, or should that be I believe everything to be futile? Feeling or thought, do I care? Only in as much as I would like to know will it get any better or is this it?

Another slow day at work for me, but that was to be expected. I left work a little bit early to get a jump start on doing the laundry. I hate doing the laundry after work, but it has to be done. At least I'm very fortunate that there's a nice laundry room close to where I live. I don't have to walk very far like lots of others have to do.

I woke up this morning feeling good, just like I felt good last night. And then I did some reading on the net, and a couple of items that I read upset me. It made my good feeling plummet. I told that to my old-man friend (by email) and he replied back by saying, "I keep telling you to stay away from those sites". He's such an old timer.

Doing the laundry now and will get a take out for dinner. I prefer to cook; but it's too much for me to do the laundry and cook a good dinner at the same time.

I'm not well, I can't remember a new years eve when I was alone, and I will be, and I'm anxious as heck

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

why...?

what's happening

I'm sad and lazy. I had to push myself to put together a simple meal for my S.O. and me. While in the kitchen, I was crying. It's been kind of a bleak holiday time for him and me. I feel remorse for the way I've spoken to a couple of people that has resulted in alienation. But they are two people whom I tried hard to have good relations with, and it seems I can never try hard enough.

[Turtlesoup]

Originally Posted by will19

I woke up this morning feeling good, just like I felt good last night. And then I did some reading on the net, and a couple of items that I read upset me. It made my good feeling plummet. I told that to my old-man friend (by email) and he replied back by saying, "I keep telling you to stay away from those sites".

I have to be careful about online stuff-most of the news is tabloid/shock value type crap & it really triggers me a lot. I don't do well with confrontation but sometimes I'm drawn to those #%#@ message boards where people are tearing each other up-then I get upset & angry with myself-I try to stick with PBS for news items.

[maddnessreturns]

I just need someone to talk to. I'm still to reserved to really post much but I have no one to talk to after moving about depression or eating disorder. And my fiancé can't relate.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[aleej28]

It's been a few months since I was last on here and I've actually been good since then. But lately I've been finding myself really depressed. I've been isolating myself, not really taking care of myself, and overall just not interested in doing anything.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by maddnessreturns

I just need someone to talk to. I'm still to reserved to really post much but I have no one to talk to after moving about depression or eating disorder. And my fiancé can't relate.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There is nothing worse than feeling alone and with no one to talk to.

[dandylin]

Happy New Year - May this year bring us all some consolation and the ongoing support of our friends here

So far okay today. Told myself I would jog M-W-F but today it's supposed to be -15 or so with the windchill so I'm cutting myself some slack and taking the day off! I will go tomorrow instead. Volunteering at an administrative office for AA today, getting a filling, going grocery shopping and to the pharmacy.

sleepless night, but doing okay.

gearing myself up for new year's eve

hoping it's not going to turn in to 1 of those guilt ridden nights like every other year. (big ask, right)

[Angelique67]

Hoping my mood won't plummet again. I wonder if I'll be able to get through on the Helpline. Just to hear someone's voice. That's how alone I am. Haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. I forget how to talk. Had to talk to myself all night to remember how to form words.

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Hoping my mood won't plummet again. I wonder if I'll be able to get through on the Helpline. Just to hear someone's voice. That's how alone I am. Haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. I forget how to talk. Had to talk to myself all night to remember how to form words.

Oh this made me so sad, please please Pm me if you need a talk: I'm inpatient and will have nothing to do except go on PC on my phone. Heck just give me a pm literally any time! I'm gonna be lonely too!

[herethennow]

happy new year everyone! it's going to be new year in an hour or so here. hopung that no matter what challenges that 2015 brings, we can all go through it with patience, resilience, strength... and mostly hope.

------------------

on another note, still not too good :/
god when will this end?

[boomerango]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

I'm not well, I can't remember a new years eve when I was alone, and I will be, and I'm anxious as heck

We are here.

[boomerango]

Surviving. Is it futile to dream, to wish for more than just survival? I am forever adjusting my expectations to what might be possible at all. Lower, lower, lower. If I hope for, and expect nothing, would I be less depressed? the danger is that I would be more stuck, instead. I don't want to stop dreaming, or hoping. I just don't. So, I say to everyone, that I hope this next year is a better one for you!

[Rose76]

I feel very tired, and I know it is depression tired not real tired.