[Ich_Bin_Gebrochen]

I have depression and i just figured it out yesterday it was 24 now its 23 is it good that its going down??

[tz90]

I'm not part of society.

[tz90]

Originally Posted by Ich_Bin_Gebrochen

I have depression and i just figured it out yesterday it was 24 now its 23 is it good that its going down??

You mean your score in an online screening test? It probably doesn't have a lot of meaning in that case really.
Well, if you think you have it maybe it's not unlikely that you do have it.

[H-H-H-H]

[justwalking]

Today was a ok day I guess. Nothing really else to say about it.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Ich_Bin_Gebrochen

I have depression and i just figured it out yesterday it was 24 now its 23 is it good that its going down??

Welcome to PC.

Hard to know what the numbers mean, but keep posting here and you will find many here that can identify with you. Depression is hard.

[herethennow]

is super down. and frustrated.
no matter what i do, nothing is going into my head.
and this starts the self-defeating thoughts - i am useless, i will never succeed, i should just end it all.

i wish i could. i wish i could end all of this pain.
so that i can stop hating myself - that all this stems from school.. and i am hating myself for it because it's normal to be stressed from school.

i am just a loser.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by herethennow

is super down. and frustrated.
no matter what i do, nothing is going into my head.
and this starts the self-defeating thoughts - i am useless, i will never succeed, i should just end it all.

i wish i could. i wish i could end all of this pain.
so that i can stop hating myself - that all this stems from school.. and i am hating myself for it because it's normal to be stressed from school.

i am just a loser.

You have depression but you are not a loser. "Loser" does not exist. To me, it is a concept created by this society that wants us to consume, to behave in certain way so we are part of the status quo machinery. I saw you have a beautiful soul, you are not a loser to me.
A hug

Originally Posted by H-H-H-H

The same applies to me too

Another day of frustration and sadness because I'm in Day #3 of this fibromyalgia flare that's preventing me from training for the race. My training program is 3 days a week and I like to have a day off in between, and here it is Wednesday. I just have so little that makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, and training for this race was one of them.

Met with the museum last Friday and still haven't heard back that I passed the background check and am good to go. Was hoping that would happen this week. How long does a darn background check take anyway?

Because of this fibro flare I've been more fatigued and heading up to bed around 7:30 (just to lie there until I take my meds at 9 p.m.) Supposed to have a book club meeting at 6:30 tonight but not sure if I'll be able to go.

Just seems like nothing's going right. I will take the dogs for a walk this morning though and then volunteer at the AA Central Office. Have an appointment with my T this afternoon. It's badly needed.

Editing to say after going up and down the stairs a few times for coffee, my legs didn't seem to hurt so bad so I decided to proceed with the jog/walking of the couch to 5k program just now. I felt SO much better - - emotionally and physically - - after doing it. Just hope I don't live to regret it by making the fibromyalgia worse.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Clara22

You have depression but you are not a loser. "Loser" does not exist. To me, it is a concept created by this society that wants us to consume, to behave in certain way so we are part of the status quo machinery. I saw you have a beautiful soul, you are not a loser to me.
A hug

thank you clara. i guess in this state, it's really hard to believe. it feels like it's easier to believe what your brain is saying to you.. on repeat, everyday.. 24/7. it gets tiring.

im falling apart into a muddle of mess and i don't know how to pick myself up.

Originally Posted by herethennow

thank you clara. i guess in this state, it's really hard to believe. it feels like it's easier to believe what your brain is saying to you.. on repeat, everyday.. 24/7. it gets tiring.

im falling apart into a muddle of mess and i don't know how to pick myself up.

I kind of feel like a loser, with the depression lasting as long as it has. But I don't think you're a loser. For some reason, I seem to apply the rules differently to myself. I just need to remind myself that I just haven't found the right antidepressant yet or need to work on perspective/coping skills with my T some more. Hang in there and keep posting. Things will get better for you, I know they will.

Editing this to say that I'm sitting here at the AA administrative office volunteering with nothing to do (it's usually dead), so I'm studying the notes I have to take when reading books for my book clubs. (The ECT has screwed up what used to be a very good memory). Just asking myself if I should really be in these book clubs if I have to take notes and study!

mainly been feeling down today.

because i've been feeling so dis connected and lost

I wish I could end all this for good. I don't mean kill myself - I mean I wish there was a switch I could flip to make this depression stop so I could go on living in peace.

[Espresso]

Being told you might have a serious health condition and needing a very invasive test to rule it out certainly weighs down one's mood.

[angelene]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hope you can vent tomorrow because it may help

I did my best to vent: http://forums.psychcentral.com/anxie...x-refills.html
We have to get these people on the horn this afternoon so my sister can talk to the doctor. I am soooo out of spoons! (Spoonies'll know what I mean.)

[Nammu]

Great! My wirerless connection is interrupted, I think by the many other wirerless singles that have popped up in my area. I have just basic no frills wirerless service, no high speed HD. It worked fine for two days after I got home, now I get bumped off every few seconds. There has been 3 other secured sites and mine for several years, now there's 5-6 new ones showing up, they are all secured but I think more powerful than mine. Does this mean I must bump up to high speed and HD wirerless or if I can't afford that to just cancel my service? I've been delaying calling to find out. I'm at the library now but paranoid about hackers. I really have nothing on my iPad its all on my computer but I don't know enough to understand if they get one they can get another? What a headache.

I'm trying to get up the energy and gumption to go the senior citizens place where I can excursive for free but it's hard. Hard to deal with the whole hearing problem. Just cause I can talk doesn't mean I can hear-- what is so hard about that to understand? But I do need to become more active and get out of the house......well hurrah I did get out today, just to the library but I'm out.

Haven't gotten out of bed today besides the basics that need doing, hugs all

sidestepper,

internet that kicks you off every second really annoys me!

in fact 1 of my biggist annoyances

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by angelene

I did my best to vent: http://forums.psychcentral.com/anxie...x-refills.html
We have to get these people on the horn this afternoon so my sister can talk to the doctor. I am soooo out of spoons! (Spoonies'll know what I mean.)

I posted a response to your thread in anxiety. I got very angry when I read about the way those refilling people are treating you. Sorry if my response was authoritarian. I just want you to feel you have the right to complain and that you make sure the doctor understands those people are not good professionals. Good luck with everything

I'm having these weird familiar fuzzy feelings making me worry that maybe my anxiety is getting bad again. I haven't had a full blown panic attack in two years and I hope I don't start back having them. I just keep worrying that I will... I just feel weird. And very depressed as well.

[TheOriginalMe]

I so want out of this depression, today was low motivation and inability to concentrate. I need to push on, apply for jobs, but I can't even stay focused on a comfortable task that I ought to enjoy. I know I need time off, but that is not an option because of money and knowing that I need a good sickness record to get considered for new jobs.

[angelene]

Originally Posted by Clara22

I posted a response to your thread in anxiety. I got very angry when I read about the way those refilling people are treating you. Sorry if my response was authoritarian. I just want you to feel you have the right to complain and that you make sure the doctor understands those people are not good professionals. Good luck with everything

Just want you to know I really appreciate your replies.

[Artchic528]

I sabotaged my only chance at happiness....

What now? I can't just go on and try again...I'll only sabotage that too.

[waterknob1234]

I had a stressful day at work. It started with one of the Junior managers yelling at me. That got my nerves on edge right at the start of the morning. The anxiety made my stomach hurt. Then the Junior manager turned her anger on the LPN in our office. After she had a tantrum with the LPN she acted like she wanted to be my best friend. Then one of the doctors started fussing and yelling at everybody. At the end of the day he was joking around with us like nothing happened. I feel like I work in the land of Jekyll and Hyde.

I prayed silently to deal with the stress. After I said my prayers an inner voice told me to stay quiet and God would take care of things. (No I do not hear voices. When I refer to an inner voice it is more like a thought. I think of it as the quiet voice of God.) So I kept quiet and suppressed the urge to voice my opinions.

My workplace has always been stressful and crazy. Now there are too many supervisors and not enough workers. Two supervisors fought with each other all day. This is the fault of the new office manager who became friends with a medical assistant and promoted her as a manager over an LPN that has worked in that office for 20 years. Nothing at my workplace makes sense.