[arsenal99]

Hi,

I'm new on this forum and this is really haunting me right now.

This is actually the most open I've ever been regarding speaking about my depression.

I can't talk to family or friends as I know they can't understand what's been haunting me for almost a decade and exasperated in 2014.

To me, I've always felt what's the point of celebrating new year's but this time it's actually much worse.

Last year was actually like a dark, long hollow tunnel. Now no one close to me died or anything that traumatic but it's almost been like hell. I prefer not to go further into it.

I haven't been to a psychologist or been diagnosed with any sort of depression but from what I've looked up and some of the quizzes I've taken, it seems like I may be suffering from depression since the age of 10 without even knowing it.

I feel 2015 is gonna be a repeat of last year where it might be another meh year. Sounds pessimistic but I sat there thinking "what's the point" and wow "I'm actually alive in 2015, smh."

So, how do I get out of this? I know it's not some quick fix as I've had been dealing with a sort of detachment from positive thinking since the age of 10.

Anything appreciated,

Thanks

i'm in exactly the same situation. (well in terms of my thoughts about new year)

what is the point- and especially for me, because i'm on my own, and it just seems not fun at all

1 of the things i always said about new year celebrations is if people are so intent of celebrating new year, then why not celebrate the beginning of january, the beginning of febuary, the beginning of march, etc. it's all a waste of time. all it is is another number, and for me- since every year gets worse and worse for me, it's just a guilt trip. in sted of thinking.. oh well, in 2015, this is going to happen, and this, and it's going to be 1 of the best years ever, you get to thinking.. well, you know, i should have done this, this and this by now. you thinking... well, you're heading in to 2015 with no family support, no qualification, no direction lin life, i do see your point... reeally i do.

as for advice, you should deffenetely see someone. yeah, okay, probably easier said than done (because it can be so hard), but it's a step in the right direction.

you could also set small goals for you every day. possibly the same goals (each day i'm going to write in my journal, each day i'm going to go for a walk), or goals that are passiffic to you

i read somewhere once about a guy who set himself 365 goals (1 new goal every day), and it was anything- ranging from baking cookies to going on a steam railway. then in the evening he wrote in his journal about it.
maybe that will help?. (and if 365 is too much, perhaps a month worth of goals)

good luck

[Clara22]

Hi arsenal,
I feel reflected on your words. It took a long time for me to seek for professional help the last time I had a period of profound depression. I finally did. Now I am under psiquiatric treatment and I also have psychological therapy. I feel much better. If you can, seek for professional help. I know other people that are doing only therapy or complementary medicine and they improved, as well.
Hope you find your own way.
A hug

[arsenal99]

Thanks guys,

Really appreciated the support!

I mean my close friends or my family would not have too much of a problem telling them what I've been going through for almost a decade(I would think so). But I'll take that with a grain of salt.

The thing is, I've now realized that maybe I expect too much of myself; academically, financially and emotionally. I've sort of never been satisfied with any shortcomings nor have been fazed by any of my achievements. And when I am, it's usually very short term.

I have some important papers to turn in. These "papers" are what drew me deeper into my depression which was already serious in the summer of 2014. I want to make sure everything is perfect from the wording to the grammar. This time to the point where I don't end up kicking myself.

Maybe then I might see an on-campus counselor but I also suffer from social anxiety too (That's another story). I don't know. I'll see, though.

Apologies if this was too long.

[Zippo]

I was just ordering more multivitamins online and when I tried to decide how many bottles to order I thought, how long do I think I'm going to live? Will I need just one bottle and hopefully die soon? Or will I persevere long enough to use up three bottles of vitamins? I have no interest in the coming year and can't see a future. I thought I should give up something for a New Year's Resolution and then I thought, "I know, I'll just give up in general." I ordered three bottles just to be optimistic. Maybe I can hang on 'til I get my money's worth.

[Lizi18]

Originally Posted by arsenal99

Hi,

I'm new on this forum and this is really haunting me right now.

This is actually the most open I've ever been regarding speaking about my depression.

I can't talk to family or friends as I know they can't understand what's been haunting me for almost a decade and exasperated in 2014.

To me, I've always felt what's the point of celebrating new year's but this time it's actually much worse.

Last year was actually like a dark, long hollow tunnel. Now no one close to me died or anything that traumatic but it's almost been like hell. I prefer not to go further into it.

I haven't been to a psychologist or been diagnosed with any sort of depression but from what I've looked up and some of the quizzes I've taken, it seems like I may be suffering from depression since the age of 10 without even knowing it.

I feel 2015 is gonna be a repeat of last year where it might be another meh year. Sounds pessimistic but I sat there thinking "what's the point" and wow "I'm actually alive in 2015, smh."

So, how do I get out of this? I know it's not some quick fix as I've had been dealing with a sort of detachment from positive thinking since the age of 10.

Anything appreciated,

Thanks

Hi Arsenal99,

I too suffer from depression (undiagnosed) and no how tiring it is when the general expectancy from a new year is that you change and things become very different when in fact you just feel like the same trapped person ready to start a different year in the same way. I'm certainly not an expert on how to change the way you feel as I'm pretty bad at it to be honest, but I can tell you what I plan to do In hopes that maybe you can do it too. My plan is to not "expect" anything. No rapid personal development or positive change. Why? I think It's a sure way to be disappointed. The only thing I WILL do is change small behaviours that I think encourage my depression. So for me, stressing and worrying incessantly, staying isolate, putting myself down and thinking extremely pessimistically and negatively. I'l probably try to be more active. Will I fail, maybe, but this year unlike any other, I'm probably going to keep trying. I use words such as "probably" and "maybe" because again, I have no expectations. So that's my advice, don't expect too much, if anything, expect a struggle and really crappy relapse into depression, but be persistent make small lifestyle changes so even if 2015 is the year you struggle to change you can enjoy that improvement in later years. I'l be right alongside you doing the same thing.
Best of luck

Originally Posted by arsenal99

Thanks guys,

Really appreciated the support!

I mean my close friends or my family would not have too much of a problem telling them what I've been going through for almost a decade(I would think so). But I'll take that with a grain of salt.

The thing is, I've now realized that maybe I expect too much of myself; academically, financially and emotionally. I've sort of never been satisfied with any shortcomings nor have been fazed by any of my achievements. And when I am, it's usually very short term.

I have some important papers to turn in. These "papers" are what drew me deeper into my depression which was already serious in the summer of 2014. I want to make sure everything is perfect from the wording to the grammar. This time to the point where I don't end up kicking myself.

Maybe then I might see an on-campus counselor but I also suffer from social anxiety too (That's another story). I don't know. I'll see, though.

Apologies if this was too long.

keep us informed of how you get on and what you decide to do.

trust me, we care..

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by arsenal99

Thanks guys,

Really appreciated the support!

I mean my close friends or my family would not have too much of a problem telling them what I've been going through for almost a decade(I would think so). But I'll take that with a grain of salt.

The thing is, I've now realized that maybe I expect too much of myself; academically, financially and emotionally. I've sort of never been satisfied with any shortcomings nor have been fazed by any of my achievements. And when I am, it's usually very short term.

I have some important papers to turn in. These "papers" are what drew me deeper into my depression which was already serious in the summer of 2014. I want to make sure everything is perfect from the wording to the grammar. This time to the point where I don't end up kicking myself.

Maybe then I might see an on-campus counselor but I also suffer from social anxiety too (That's another story). I don't know. I'll see, though.

Apologies if this was too long.

I hope you see the school counselor. Negative thinking is not you speaking, it is your depression speaking. Yes, there is no magic but our lives are worth living and yes, we have the right to hope for the best and have good expectations about ourselves. It is our right and part of our human dignity
. I send you a big hug and all my support whatever you choose to do.

[Fuzzybear]

[vital]

Originally Posted by arsenal99

Hi,

I'm new on this forum and this is really haunting me right now.

This is actually the most open I've ever been regarding speaking about my depression.

I can't talk to family or friends as I know they can't understand what's been haunting me for almost a decade and exasperated in 2014.

To me, I've always felt what's the point of celebrating new year's but this time it's actually much worse.

Last year was actually like a dark, long hollow tunnel. Now no one close to me died or anything that traumatic but it's almost been like hell. I prefer not to go further into it.

I haven't been to a psychologist or been diagnosed with any sort of depression but from what I've looked up and some of the quizzes I've taken, it seems like I may be suffering from depression since the age of 10 without even knowing it.

I feel 2015 is gonna be a repeat of last year where it might be another meh year. Sounds pessimistic but I sat there thinking "what's the point" and wow "I'm actually alive in 2015, smh."

So, how do I get out of this? I know it's not some quick fix as I've had been dealing with a sort of detachment from positive thinking since the age of 10.

Anything appreciated,

Thanks

Hi arsenal,

You might want to have a look at this thread and see if it describes you.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

There are lots of things to try for depression, and most of them are great for your health anyway. Some are listed in post #74 of the thread.

I agree with the other posters that finding someone to talk to is a good idea. You can benefit from the wisdom of someone who has seen this before and sometimes just the process of being honest with someone can be healing.

- vital

[Lonely Kitten]

[QUOTE=Lizi18;4185976]Hi Arsenal99,

I too suffer from depression (undiagnosed) and no how tiring it is when the general expectancy from a new year is that you change and things become very different when in fact you just feel like the same trapped person ready to start a different year in the same way. I'm certainly not an expert on how to change the way you feel as I'm pretty bad at it to be honest, but I can tell you what I plan to do In hopes that maybe you can do it too. My plan is to not "expect" anything. No rapid personal development or positive change. Why? I think It's a sure way to be disappointed. The only thing I WILL do is change small behaviours that I think encourage my depression. So for me, stressing and worrying incessantly, staying isolate, putting myself down and thinking extremely pessimistically and negatively. I'l probably try to be more active. Will I fail, maybe, but this year unlike any other, I'm probably going to keep trying. I use words such as "probably" and "maybe" because again, I have no expectations. So that's my advice, don't expect too much, if anything, expect a struggle and really crappy relapse into depression, but be persistent make small lifestyle changes so even if 2015 is the year you struggle to change you can enjoy that improvement in later years. I'l be right alongside you doing the same thing.
Best of luck [/QUOTE
Thanks for writing this! You put into words exactly how I feel today. I think New Years Day makes those of us suffering from depression feel pressure to feel so optimistic and positive, when that's the furthest feelings from our hearts and minds. We have to remember to be gentle with ourselves. I like what you say about having no expectations. That's the best thing to do! No pressure . . . But try to take one day, or one hour, or one minute, or one second at a time!

[Lizi18]

[QUOTE=Lonely Kitten;4186341]

Originally Posted by Lizi18

Hi Arsenal99,

I too suffer from depression (undiagnosed) and no how tiring it is when the general expectancy from a new year is that you change and things become very different when in fact you just feel like the same trapped person ready to start a different year in the same way. I'm certainly not an expert on how to change the way you feel as I'm pretty bad at it to be honest, but I can tell you what I plan to do In hopes that maybe you can do it too. My plan is to not "expect" anything. No rapid personal development or positive change. Why? I think It's a sure way to be disappointed. The only thing I WILL do is change small behaviours that I think encourage my depression. So for me, stressing and worrying incessantly, staying isolate, putting myself down and thinking extremely pessimistically and negatively. I'l probably try to be more active. Will I fail, maybe, but this year unlike any other, I'm probably going to keep trying. I use words such as "probably" and "maybe" because again, I have no expectations. So that's my advice, don't expect too much, if anything, expect a struggle and really crappy relapse into depression, but be persistent make small lifestyle changes so even if 2015 is the year you struggle to change you can enjoy that improvement in later years. I'l be right alongside you doing the same thing.
Best of luck [/QUOTE
Thanks for writing this! You put into words exactly how I feel today. I think New Years Day makes those of us suffering from depression feel pressure to feel so optimistic and positive, when that's the furthest feelings from our hearts and minds. We have to remember to be gentle with ourselves. I like what you say about having no expectations. That's the best thing to do! No pressure . . . But try to take one day, or one hour, or one minute, or one second at a time!

You're very welcome. I'm glad to see some of my insights give other people positivity also. I wish you the very best of luck for this year as you say taking it one day, one hour, on minute or one second at a time.

[waterknob1234]

Arsenal I am in hopes that things get better for you in 2015. I have been getting that New Years depression. I can't help but see the things that were hard last year. And I don't see 2015 getting any better unless something drastic happens, or unless I learn to be at peace with how things are.

If you think it will help, see a psychiatrist or therapist. Seek out help. I also like the suggestion someone made on here about journaling. I may try that and see if it makes a difference, and setting small goals.
Best wishes.