feeling a bit better.

[Melodic]

Urgggggggghhhhh. Please, someone give me the strength to move on, or give me the strength to end my life already. I know that I am likely going to be alone for a long time, if not forever, and honestly I won't be able to live that way. My ex is still holding me back, but he's made it clear he won't change for me (and that's his choice, and I will accept it), but I still get so upset over being ignored and feeling like I'll be forever alone when my false hope comes crashing down. The reason I perpetually cannot move on is because I will be completely alone, and I am too scared since no one else is there for me. I feel so misunderstood in every way, by both him and by society. I feel like I am too different because I am so yearning to find happiness but am unable to and will forever be unable to. I'm emotionally unable to handle this, and yet I must, because society doesn't give a crap to those who can't keep up. I hope that death is painless and fast, and I don't have to realise when I'm dying. Or I feel a sense of ease and acceptance. It would be so nice to never have to worry about it ever again.

Today the weather is crappy. I should expect a headache to kick in soon bc of it. Woke up feeling ok, seeing my T later. Think. The last couple of days away from my 'ex' (still living with) really did me some good. He's constantly throwing barriers in my way to moving on and constantly telling me everything is my fault. I know that's not thhe case but it's hard when this is what I hear regularly. I hope I stay sane for the day at least.

[JustTvTroping]

Still numb and

Possible trigger:

still don't feel like living anymore

[Babymonster]

Hi, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be spending a lot of time here so I might as well jump right in .

I don't want to jinx myself but the intensity of my depression seems to have decreased a bit in order to make some room for anxiety. I think because I am meeting with a therapist today to discuss starting group therapy next Monday and this is the first time in 10+ years that I've started to feel my mental issues are valid.

If I could I would name drop my new official diagnosis every chance I get (persistant depressive disorder, major depressive episode, social anxiety, with some BPD traits thrown in, if anybody cares to know ). Funny how I could go from keeping it a secret from everybody to wanting to shout it from the rooftops. In all honesty very VERY few people know what's going on with me.

FIL wants to go to Target today (closing in Canada, last day open at this location). Last time I had huge anxiety issues while I was there. Too many people, so much junk everywhere. I don't know. I want to kill time ( appointment isn't for another 4 hours), but I don't really feel like walking into an anxiety minefield.

[Randle McMurphy]

its days like today where I am reminded how useless and pointless my lifestyle is. I have woken up early but simply sat around all day. I think why should I get up at all, may as well stay in bed.

[Smileonmyface]

home from trip to town to see pdoc and a couple of stores. good visit with nurse practitioner though it gets frustrating she never tells me what she thinks is wrong with me. granted it is difficult to say the least with my kids there. maybe i will find out in a few years when they are both in school. almost got run over in the parking lot at walmart otherwise doing ok not so great not so bad.

[Angelique67]

I've been waking later and later and I must get my sleep schedule back on track. I feel hopeless and imprisoned.

[Nammu]

Just feeling whiny today. dont read further if you are avoiding whiny people today!

Soo tired of the weather. Everything outside is covered with yellow pollen, they keep promising rain....but no rain to wash it away. On top of that we have the yearly smoke from Mexico in the air which is hot and humid..so humid. Over cast, hot and humid ugh! Wish it would rain already. They promise a 30-40% chance of rain or thunderer storms Fri or Saturday. We'll see? Meantime I'm staying indoors with the AC. End of rant

Forgot to add the other bit. Yesterday when I was out I think something bit me. I have a large hive like area on my cheek near the jaw. It itches like crazy and is raised and red. I've been downing extra Benadryl and using every OTC topical med that promises to stop itching. Ha! False advertising! Anyway just gives me more to whine about today. Bring out the tiny violins for me.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Just feeling whiny today. dont read further if you are avoiding whiny people today!

Soo tired of the weather. Everything outside is covered with yellow pollen, they keep promising rain....but no rain to wash it away. On top of that we have the yearly smoke from Mexico in the air which is hot and humid..so humid. Over cast, hot and humid ugh! Wish it would rain already. They promise a 30-40% chance of rain or thunderer storms Fri or Saturday. We'll see? Meantime I'm staying indoors with the AC. End of rant

Forgot to add the other bit. Yesterday when I was out I think something bit me. I have a large hive like area on my cheek near the jaw. It itches like crazy and is raised and red. I've been downing extra Benadryl and using every OTC topical med that promises to stop itching. Ha! False advertising! Anyway just gives me more to whine about today. Bring out the tiny violins for me.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by Babymonster

Hi, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be spending a lot of time here so I might as well jump right in .

I don't want to jinx myself but the intensity of my depression seems to have decreased a bit in order to make some room for anxiety. I think because I am meeting with a therapist today to discuss starting group therapy next Monday and this is the first time in 10+ years that I've started to feel my mental issues are valid.

If I could I would name drop my new official diagnosis every chance I get (persistant depressive disorder, major depressive episode, social anxiety, with some BPD traits thrown in, if anybody cares to know ). Funny how I could go from keeping it a secret from everybody to wanting to shout it from the rooftops. In all honesty very VERY few people know what's going on with me.

FIL wants to go to Target today (closing in Canada, last day open at this location). Last time I had huge anxiety issues while I was there. Too many people, so much junk everywhere. I don't know. I want to kill time ( appointment isn't for another 4 hours), but I don't really feel like walking into an anxiety minefield.

Welcome to PC, there is no better way than jumping right in. I hope your appointment went well.

[TheOriginalMe]

My mood has levelled off a bit. It will be temporary because I still haven't heard about my job and the stress of having inevitable bad news hanging over me is horrible. Today I blanked it pretty well, but tomorrow who knows. Then when I finally get the news there will be no blanking it. This is my worst nightmare, it is like playing out all the rejections of my past, knowing that something bad will happen and being powerless to stop it.

[Turtlesoup]

I felt really good earlier today but then..yeah kinda bleh-down, irritable, anxious then ok-My T called a couple of hours ago to change my appointment from Thursday to Friday so...great. Frustrated-don't know where it came from (well other than my abby normal brain that is). At least I was productive & cheery earlier-holed up in my art room now & just finished a graphic novel. Do. Not. Feel. Social. At. All. Wonder how long I can stay in here?? Anywho I know it will pass but yuck Think I'll queue up some of those tiny violins for myself Yeah I definitely feel better-take care & big hugs to everyone some days we need them more than others.

[Symbolic]

I'm feeling good about today. I've been productive every day this week, getting a lot of work accomplished. I look forward to getting back to it, and finishing up this major project in the morning.

anxious, going out shopping.

[eggplantlife]

Better today. Realized that maybe a thread I started i didn't get much response. I kind of forgot about it with all the emotions going on. Thought as I was sitting with co workers, how come I sit there are they talk about daily things and I am sitting there miserable and in pain and no one cares. Jus a thought.

Mood is pretty good this a.m. Still have a low-level migraine going on, but the news from my neurologist yesterday that I can still jog with a migraine has lifted my spirits. Unfortunately it's raining really hard right now, and I only like to jog in the mornings, so we'll have to see how the weather is tomorrow.

Other than that, hope to get some news from talking to my potential employer after the AA meeting today. Volunteering at the museum this a.m.

Today I still feel level/sane. Hoping to stay positive! For all of you having a 'bad' day, we are all here for you!

[Chummy]

I feel kinda alright. Not good. But managable. Tired.

PMS-ing

[Babymonster]

Feeling much calmer since meeting with the T yesterday and having her go through the program and what not. Thought I was just obsessing over therapy, when really I may just have been anxious. Was having lots of racing thoughts - nothing particularly negative - but it stopped as soon as I spoke with her. Oh and she seems great and I couldn't be happier (hardee har har) with the treatment program.

Processed some stuff after speaking to my aunt yesterday (told her what's been going on with me, asked her if she could be part of my support system since so few people know my issues). This is a huge thing for me, even though I will downplay it like it was nothing.

I also made plans to meet with a friend tomorrow for coffee. The intensity of my depression has seemed to have eased up a bit, so I felt comfortable enough to do that.

At least I seem to be moving in the right direction

[Angelique67]

I don't know why but lately I can't get out of bed until past noon. I don't know whether to keep sleeping later until I'm waking early or try to force myself to stay up all night. There are certainly plenty of reasons for me to be depressed but I don't know if they're connected to this.

[Bark]

Been watching my friend and trying to convince her to go to the ER for several hours. Finally, we're going. For once, I'm fine. Starving though. Didn't have dinner.

It's been a long, long evening. At least I know she'll be safe. And thank goodness I saw her when I did.

feeling kind of sad/confused/abandoned

damn you abandonment

[puzzclar]

Need to find something exciting.... I'm so bored!!