[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Depressed, because I remember Easter used to be a holiday I enjoyed...

I don't even get any candy this year.

Me neither. I have a terrible toothache and I'm very depressed.

[hope2010]

I am sad, still I wish you all a good Easter.
I miss my family very much, I miss the days when Easter used to be - as Shy Poet Girl've said - a Celebration day.

Today is just me, my husband will sleep till 3 pm. For him this is not an special day, for me it is because of the family reunions in the old days.

My medication is not working either. I am very tired and sleepy, bad side effects. Sighs

[Fuzzybear]

I now turn the labels back onto all those who attempted to label me (IRL) (mostly because of my visible anxiety IRL I'm not scared of you, this anxiety is both genetic and caused by abuse and I refuse to be your scape bear

[puzzclar]

Today has been good, even without the Easter eggs. .... although I want to be around people!

[TheOriginalMe]

Still very flaky. My meds aren't cutting it.

I am so tired of having meds that don't work very well, there is no point in seeing my pdoc again, she won't consider the only med group that I haven't tried (MAOIs). Nor will she look into why SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs and anything that acts on Serotonin cause bladder problems for me. I either have the choice of stick with what isn't working or start again from scratch trying various meds that I've already tried and that caused me problems. She doesn't believe or doesn't accept that I get the problems I do because when I was having the problems she wasn't my pdoc. I thought that's what medical records were for It is ridiculous because if I were allergic to penicillin she wouldn't say, I've never seen you react so you've got to take it.

[bubbles00]

Possible trigger:

sometimes i wish i wasn't alive

Second post today from me. Earlier it felt like an uneventful day. But things did happen after that. I would say it's a mixed day. The good things lifted me up, the bad things brought me down.

My sister called and it was the first time I heard from her in a good while. We didn't talk very long. She seemed very tired. I went on a two hour bike ride. A friend of mine called and I was hoping he would call me. Unfortunately he called while I was preparing dinner. I didn't expect him to call at that time. We had a nice talk and he encouraged me to go through with a medical procedure that's upcoming for me.

Tonight I went to the pool area at where I live. Much more low lifes there than I have met previously. Right now I feel very much on fire to move out of where I live. I have not met anybody I like at where I live in a long time and it's getting worse. I used to know some nice people, but they moved out.

[neverok89]

Originally Posted by bubbles00

Possible trigger:

sometimes i wish i wasn't alive

There is more chance of you enjoying yourself and the world again if you are alive. Drop the 'if' cause you are alive. I hope you find one thing that makes you feel slightly okay again and then I hope it reminds you that 'happy' is out there.

You knew it once. You'll know it again. I believe in you. You reach out when you hurt. One day you'll reach out, and grab whatever is going to help you back to your 'life worth living'.

I hope what I am saying helps. I know nothing really helps me. But you are worth the time I took to think this and type it out. And I don't even know you. Somewhere at some point in your life, someone will know you better- and you'll still be worth it. But they'll be able to help so much more.

Maybe that is when you will be able to grab.

Until then, keep reaching.

[JustTvTroping]

Ever since I started accepting what I used to regret, my chest has been hurting a little.

i feel kinda good for not

Possible trigger:

cutting at all over Easter even though i really thought i would as Easter is a CSA trigger for me and makes me want to SH

Meh.
Really tired today from my internal battles yesterday. I had 1 drink before dinner, at that at least dried my tears temporarily. I'm hoping today is better.

[Smileonmyface]

i feel like my head is going to explode from all the negative thoughts. yesterday just felt like the longest day ever even though i accomplished quite a bit it just went on and on maybe cause the kids got me up at 5 am. i feel like staying in the house another day is going to make me go off the deep end, but the idea of taking the kids out makes me want to puke. i hope it warms up so we can at least play outside. i need to get away from the computer screen and the cell phone they are a great distraction but so addicting...

I need to be held. There's no one to hold me. I am pathetic.

Really bummed out/fed up because my migraine started last Wednesday afternoon and still continues 5 days later. My PCP only gave me 15 pills for pain and the prescription said to take one every six hours. Too bad the pain relieving effect doesn't last 6 hours and at the end of the day I'll be out of them.

Don't have an appointment with the neurologist until Wednesday, so I just left a message for my PCP's nurse asking if he could please give me one more day's worth of pain meds. I hope he doesn't think I'm drug seeking to abuse the meds. I truly am in severe pain and need them. Oh well, if he won't give me another prescription I have no choice but to just suffer with the pain, but then there'll be no way I can make it to my volunteer gig tomorrow if I'm still in pain and have nothing for it, and I hate to call in sick again. Most people don't have a migraine for a week, but I'm known to have them even longer sometimes. It's just a drag. Just when I start feeling better emotionally I get a migraine. Trying not to be too full of self pity, but sometimes life just isn't fair.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I need to be held. There's no one to hold me. I am pathetic.

You are Not pathetic. You are a good person who feels bad/horrible like so many of us on here.

I offer you hugs and love from afar. I know physical contact can make a huge difference. I long for it always.

saw my best friend and had a lot of fun. feeling apprehensive about tonight. the nights are the worst.

[Smileonmyface]

Well I officially bailed on family party 4 hrs away. I have a good reason. Dog has heartworm can't go to kennel but feel guilty as hell and relieved too. Sure the whole fam will detest me want to be brave enough not to care. Afraid of husbands reaction when he gets home

[Turtlesoup]

Haven't much computer time the last couple of days-did a lot early yesterday & even though I slept well (for me anyway ) I still feel really tired. Have already done today's errands & have plenty of leftovers so think I'm going to have a restful day & hopefully not feel guilty. So sorry to see so many of us struggling-holidays (even if you don't celebrate them) can be such a trigger & be exhausting. Extra turtle hugs to all

[Angelique67]

There are more of those creepy black beetles in my room. I don't know where they are coming from. They aren't like any cockroaches I've ever seen so I don't know what they are, just that they make me freaked out and uncomfortable in here. I wish I could instantly change my surroundings. I wish I'd never moved here.

[oracat]

I hate myself to the moon and back today. One of the biggest downs in a long time. I honestly wish I'd never been born. I am one of nature's pitiful excuses for a human if you can even call it that. I am an it, not a he or she.

[Nammu]

Yesterday turned out to be very productive. Washed the towels and bedding, flipped the mattress, vacuumed, showered and moisturized my feet by sticking them in plastic bags with lotion. Today I rewarded myself with the half priced easter candy. And a movie at redbox. Got my favorites. Chocolate coverd marshmallow eggs, spicy jelly beans and malted eggs. Oh and some peeps!

[Bark]

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with posts. Didn't have consistent Internet and when I did there were lots of things to do.

Kind of exhausted right now. Don't feel like getting up to wash up before bed. Been ducked into the wormhole that is technology. But on the plus side, I have a new phone! Well, a year-old never-used one. But I have to move stuff off my other phone and reinstall apps and....

I spent the past few days at home. It was okay. Sibling drove me crazy but that's nothing new. Did some gardening work which made me happy (minus all the spines and thorns and equipment troubles).

Telling myself to take it easy on myself. I think I will brush my teeth — it will probably make me feel better.

.... I totally forgot about the laundry. I should have put a reminder. Arrgh!

Yup, better get up.

[Chummy]

Back from spending a long weekend with a friend. It was kinda ok. But I wasn't me. I didn't feel like me. I was...nothing. I didn't feel anything. I didn't really think anything. I didn't had any opinion on anything. I tried to fake having fun. I could smile. But I couldn't really think of anything to say. I was like a broken robot.

Possible trigger:

Maybe one good thing is that since I didn't really had thoughts I also I didn't think about suicide for the first time in months.

Now, I'm so tired and also sad.

I'm a bit better now since my last post. Now I know I won't have to deal with fighting tonight. Been keeping feelings of unreality at bay by drawing and listening to music. A plate of food in my stomach helps. Wrote out some frustrations in a notebook; on the opposite page I drew a picture of what my room looked like from where I was sitting, rickety entertainment center with old bulky TV, knick-knacks on top, my shoes on the floor, the posters, etc. A very wobbly drawing, since I haven't drawn in months. But I kinda like the style. I would share it here but I don't have a scanner. I may draw more often.