[helpless79]

does god enjoy seeing people surfer

is this a joke for him..something that amuses him??

i am doing all in my power to generate inner peace of mind

but its useless

i live hell every day

those who have followed my thread know my problem and history so i won't bother explaining it again..i don't feel like it anyway

if people..not even family can understand what if really means to be depressed that i expect from a higher being such as god to understand and have compassion/mercy on his creation

why am i to do when i discover that not even god cares

why should i continue to live this daily hell cycle??

[Crazy Hitch]

(((helpless79)))

Hang in there.

The Pain of Losing Your Faith | Psych Central

[helpless79]

I really feel horrible..i need someone to understand me..i needed it now

why am i to do when i discover that not even god cares

I don't know. I don't believe in any gods and have no need of one.

why should i continue to live this daily hell cycle??

Because it's the only life you have and... it can get better.
I haven't read your posts so I don't know the details but I understand depression.

[tin58]

Hello helpless. I truly do feel for you. being clinically depressed is a very real struggle that people in general don't understand. The cause of depression is also usually very complex and difficult to understand ourselves. I remember reading in a book that people who suffer from depression/trauma/anxiety are usually accused if being spiritually or morally sick by society. Its so true because people do not understand. As for why God allows you to suffer remember there is a difference between causing you to suffer and allowing you to suffer. Maybe you can think of depression as a sign that something is wrong in your life that you need to investigate. Its better than thinking that you are cursed/morally backward/ or abandoned by God. And it's more in harmony with what depression really is, a symptom indicating something is wrong. Any thoughts as to why you might be feeling depressed? I love helping others who are going through the same things that I have :-)

[tin58]

I just realized you stated you've posted before. Let me go read your posts

[helpless79]

Thank you so much..i would greatly appreciate if you can help me figure out what to do to straighten my life and calm me down because the psychological pain is too much for me to handle..its already been 17 years like this..i can't take it anymore

[tin58]

Ok. I've got to get ready for work atm but I'll read through your posts. I am not therapist but it would bring me great joy to have a hand in assisting someone through this. Having support and community is huge

[vital]

Originally Posted by helpless79

I really feel horrible..i need someone to understand me..i needed it now

Hi helpless,

I think you might have given up too soon with meditation. You tried it and said that you felt something, but it seems like you've given up after about a day. The people here who succeed with meditation pretty regularly report that they have to do it solidly for about 1-2 weeks before they really feel a big benefit.

I think that this talk might be helpful for you too

- vital

[helpless79]

i've watched the link thank you

today..i woke up twice with a devastating panic attack..is this living? or am i already in hell?

i'm agnostic so can't answer your question, but i'm so sorry you're suffering like this. are you seeing a therapist? on meds?

[helpless79]

Originally Posted by Annaflower

i'm agnostic so can't answer your question, but i'm so sorry you're suffering like this. are you seeing a therapist? on meds?

i quite meds by my self 4 months ago..as for therapy..i don't have the money for it and i don't want to ask for it..even from immediate family members as i already feel weak/worthless

if i am to go out this way..so be it

[unhappydaze]

Originally Posted by helpless79

does god enjoy seeing people surfer

is this a joke for him..something that amuses him??

I've wondered about that since I was a kid. The standard answer from adults was "God works in mysterious ways" or something similar. It seemed like no answer at all. I got the impression even asking the question was impolite if not outright offensive so I dropped it.

Years later I still couldn't wrap my head around it, so I started reading and learned that people have been puzzling over this since the invention of monotheism. It was so widely discussed it even had a name, the Problem of Evil. It was good to know I wasn't alone in wondering.

Originally Posted by helpless79

why should i continue to live this daily hell cycle??

Given your experiences I think most people would struggle with that. I certainly do. This next bit might seem silly, but please bear with me:

In the movie Gladiator the lead character played by Russell Crowe says, "What we do in life echoes in eternity." At the time it struck me as a standard Hollywood movie line, but it turns out it's almost identical to one written by Marcus Aurelius a couple thousand years ago: "What we do now echoes in eternity." Things we do and say affect others now and in the future, often in ways we can't imagine.

It seems to me that must be the case whether there's one God, many, or none. I can end my own pain, but only at the cost of increasing it for many others. In the worst case I'll be stuck in this pit for thirty more years, but that's unlikely. It's more likely that some med or therapy will help, or the depression will fade over time.

Maybe the wall of words above adds up to "I don't know, but [blah blah]." In any case I hope your depression eases soon.

[helpless79]

i am really at the point where I don't really care what my death does to others..in fact. .i want everyone to feel/live my pain.. only then would they be able to understand and help me

Yeah deep down i know its nonsensical. .but when your life can only be summarized with fear, anger and panic attacks there is no place left for rationality

[Fuzzybear]

[BBB2]

I am sorry that you are suffering so much.
Even as a baptized christian I sometimes get angry at God for all the pain in the world. But, being angry is okay, God understands.

I sincerely believe that God loves you very much and always will.

I will be thinking of you, and if it's okay, pray that you will find some relief and peace.

Please excuse me if I am too preachy; it's because my faith helps me through the dark times because even though I don't understand why I suffer or why other people do, I believe God loves me and one day I will have the answers why.

[MotherMarcus]

From the Movie LETHAL WEAPON :

Murtaugh : God hates me.

Riggs : Hate him back. It works for me.

[Keyslost]

Originally Posted by helpless79

i am really at the point where I don't really care what my death does to others..in fact. .i want everyone to feel/live my pain.. only then would they be able to understand and help me

Yeah deep down i know its nonsensical. .but when your life can only be summarized with fear, anger and panic attacks there is no place left for rationality

^ I've felt this way before. Not to sound negative, but you know the best way to get back at those who would bring you down? Live your life and be happy. This alienates all the people who are wrong for you and distances them. Then when you're ready, open back up to those who care. Like the lovely people on this site. With time you will see the bright side again It won't be easy but when you start living for you then you can find happiness in others. But you need to be good for you first and find purpose for yourself first. Hope this helps

[waterknob1234]

I am a Christian but I think I have been where you are. I have thought that God had abandoned me, even hated me. I think depression is the hardest form of suffering. I would rather experience a physical ailment any day.

It is hard to understand why God would allow good people such as yourself to suffer. And I know the pain is immense because I have been there. I don't know the mind of God but I can only think that underneath all the pain there is some purpose we can't see for the moment for what you are going thru.

So hang on tight. You have a purpose to discover in life.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

In love I wish you the best.

[helpless79]

Originally Posted by BBB2

I am sorry that you are suffering so much.
Even as a baptized christian I sometimes get angry at God for all the pain in the world. But, being angry is okay, God understands.

I sincerely believe that God loves you very much and always will.

I will be thinking of you, and if it's okay, pray that you will find some relief and peace.

Please excuse me if I am too preachy; it's because my faith helps me through the dark times because even though I don't understand why I suffer or why other people do, I believe God loves me and one day I will have the answers why.

Originally Posted by MotherMarcus

From the Movie LETHAL WEAPON :

Murtaugh : God hates me.

Riggs : Hate him back. It works for me.

i am at a point where i am actually doing it

Originally Posted by Keyslost

^ I've felt this way before. Not to sound negative, but you know the best way to get back at those who would bring you down? Live your life and be happy. This alienates all the people who are wrong for you and distances them. Then when you're ready, open back up to those who care. Like the lovely people on this site. With time you will see the bright side again It won't be easy but when you start living for you then you can find happiness in others. But you need to be good for you first and find purpose for yourself first. Hope this helps

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I am a Christian but I think I have been where you are. I have thought that God had abandoned me, even hated me. I think depression is the hardest form of suffering. I would rather experience a physical ailment any day.

It is hard to understand why God would allow good people such as yourself to suffer. And I know the pain is immense because I have been there. I don't know the mind of God but I can only think that underneath all the pain there is some purpose we can't see for the moment for what you are going thru.

So hang on tight. You have a purpose to discover in life.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

In love I wish you the best.

thank you all for your kind words

[unhappydaze]

Glad I wrote that thoughtful post so that it could be ignored.

[alchemy63]

It is a good post.

[NurseCollie]

I admit, the start of my disenchantment of god started young as I remembered begging god to stop my abuse. Five years with no help, I figured god most be a lie. When we finally moved away from my abuser, I was severely teased in school. Beaten up, things stolen from me, and textbooks taken from me. I tried calling god again. Nothing. I left school and got my GED. I started noticing the world around me and noticing how evil things happen all the time with no intervention from god. The religious people would tell me, "God works in mysterious ways!" and expect me to just take that awful world view? As I got older, I read the Bible for the first time. Before this time, I was just told want the Bible says. I read the Bible front to back and when I got to "Amen", I decided I was a agnostic atheist. I thought the Bible was the most evil book I ever read. There was things people told me that was in the bible that was not AT ALL! According to the Bible, the only crime committed by my abuser is fornication and I'm guilty with him.

If you were looking for help in believing in god again, I certainly won't help you. I do share your feelings but I became at peace with it when I realized that god (or god as we know it) appears to not exist.

[helpless79]

Originally Posted by unhappydaze

Glad I wrote that thoughtful post so that it could be ignored.

i am sorry if i hurt you..i didn't mean to..i am just looking for inner peace..salvation because the pain is too much to take for me

these morning panic attacks kills the hell out of my day

they won't stop for the past 15 years..

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by unhappydaze

I've wondered about that since I was a kid. The standard answer from adults was "God works in mysterious ways" or something similar. It seemed like no answer at all. I got the impression even asking the question was impolite if not outright offensive so I dropped it.

Years later I still couldn't wrap my head around it, so I started reading and learned that people have been puzzling over this since the invention of monotheism. It was so widely discussed it even had a name, the Problem of Evil. It was good to know I wasn't alone in wondering.


Given your experiences I think most people would struggle with that. I certainly do. This next bit might seem silly, but please bear with me:

In the movie Gladiator the lead character played by Russell Crowe says, "What we do in life echoes in eternity." At the time it struck me as a standard Hollywood movie line, but it turns out it's almost identical to one written by Marcus Aurelius a couple thousand years ago: "What we do now echoes in eternity." Things we do and say affect others now and in the future, often in ways we can't imagine.

It seems to me that must be the case whether there's one God, many, or none. I can end my own pain, but only at the cost of increasing it for many others. In the worst case I'll be stuck in this pit for thirty more years, but that's unlikely. It's more likely that some med or therapy will help, or the depression will fade over time.

Maybe the wall of words above adds up to "I don't know, but [blah blah]." In any case I hope your depression eases soon.