Do I even have a choice?

My mind and body are in hell right now, and there's no escaping. My anxiety is worse than its ever been and I can't push the thoughts, feelings, and urges out, no matter how hard I try. I just don't see the point, I've gone too far to change, my future seems pretty much gone and I'm only 19 years old. My depression, severe anxiety, and self hatred are just ruining me. I have nobody, absolutely nobody, and it seems that it's going to stay that way. I don't ever see myself ever being in a relationship, a girl being physically attracted to me, having sex, having kids, or just being loved and accepted by someone that I like. And it stings so bad on the inside, it hurts really bad. I see everyone on social media and in real life are in relationships, spending time together, getting intimate, having sex, enjoying their lives, and on the inside I feel a ridiculous amount of pain, disgust, self-hatred, and guilt because I've never had that for a moment in my life. And why should women want me anyway? I'm overweight, unattractive, have horrible skin, and just not really talented or good at anything. And yeah, I can change some things, but others I just can't, and when the things you can't change are the things that prevent you from doing that, you feel awful and like there is something horribly wrong with you and you were just born to be a failure and there's nothing you can do about it which makes you want to quit even more. I hate seeing other people happy, I just can't be happy for them because I hate myself because sometimes they don't even have to do anything, they will sometimes just always be better than you, and it makes me think about suicide sometimes, I just don't know it's an awful, horrible, disgusting, dark feeling.

You are more than what you give yourself credit for. Relationships can ruin you. Take some time for yourself. Happiness is an inside job.

Talk to a therapist and get a doctor that can prescribe you meds for your depression and anxiety

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I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Growing up in this age is so hard. Comparing ourselves to others will certainly at some point or another make us feel bad about ourselves. Social media seems like a bit of a contest to me at times. I've deactivated facebook because I really don't want to see other people's highlights of their lives. But that is something to remember, people will show you the "good" stuff, vacations, highlights of their life, but you don't see the ugly side.
Anyhow, I know, some things you just can't change. But some things you can change. See if there is something that interests you that you could develop as an interest, for your own enjoyment and for no other reason. We need to be happy with ourselves before we try to find anyone else anyways. No relationship will work unless you can be ok being alone with yourself.
I feel like suggesting to most people with problems, to listen to Eckhart Tolle on youtube. There are many good videos, of course, just my opinion.

take your pick or have them all - you deserve it.

One of my main problems is that I just hate the way I look. I feel objectified and im a male. It seems to be getting more common (fifty shades of grey, magic mike, etc.) I probably have worse body image issues than females. Women only seem to want the 6'4" perfect face, perfect abs, tan clear skin, male. All these people over the internet say that that's an ideal male, and that they want a male with a large penis, too. Women have fantasies about being taken advantage of and having rough sex, yet they contradict themselves and say they want a "confident" man, whatever that means, and because I don't measure up to that standard, I feel sick, ugly, disgusting, and emotional pain inside. And the whole thing today with feminism angers me. So women can say they want a handsome tall men with a large penis, yet men are called materialistic when they want a physically attractive women? And when women say they have fantasies of getting sexually dominated by these types of men, they aren't being materialistic or superficial? Everyone seems like a hypocrite these days. That's like me saying I don't want a woman because her breasts aren't large enough. It's just a huge contradiction because women don't tell men what they really want. Why do you think 95% of women read fifty shades of grey?

Both men and women are objectified. But not all men and women objectify. Not all women want what you seem to be comparing yourself to, "magic mike, fifty shades".. perfection, or even close to perfection. (which is only an idea in one's mind)

And even if you get those things you're feeling are lacking, as someone up there said, happiness is an inside job. Relationships can ruin you. I've lived it. You can't get your happiness from the outside, or someone else. You say you hate the way you look. I felt that way too. Now I wish I would have just appreciated being healthy and young, and taken care of my physical body as well as everything else. Having great looks is nothing really. Making the most of everyday, taking time to care for others, thinking of someone else that you can help, those are the things, at the end of life, that matter. And I believe someday, some woman will love you for the person you are, not for the shell on the outside. Especially if you learn to value yourself not for what you look like, but for what you can give with love. (I'd have saved myself some agony if I had learned this long ago)
I know you are hurting. I felt that once too. I wish we knew what we know when we are older, when we are younger.
I hesitate to post this. I don't ever want to make anyone feel worse. I hope I haven't. I just was trying to help.

Depression has a very very sneaky trick jakers. You know this stuff...

I'll bet it repeats in your head over and over again. I'll bet you have thoughts like this dozens of times a day or more. They are very captivating to you because of their importance to you and because of their emotional content. The sneaky trick of depression is that all this is hiding what I think is your underlying true problem. I think it doesn't even matter whether the stuff you are saying above is true or not. You may be a very perceptive guy with a lot of insight into this. That actually makes it worse because you're convincing correctness in your thinking makes it even more of a trap.

This is the trick: The core problem with depression is not your particular thoughts or feelings, the problem is HOW thoughts and feelings come into your mind in general. I have been doing this all my life and only very recently figured it out. I find it almost impossible to realize what's actually going on when you are in it.

Anyway, you might find these notes helpful in explaining what I'm talking about:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Jake. I wrestle—well, I say wrestle, when really I barely ever even put up a fight—with self hatred too. Being alone with only the frantic, hateful words in one's head can be a horrible experience. I would know, and it sounds like you would too. I guess I'm not really giving much advice. I'm just offering my empathy. You'll get through this. I know it doesn't seem like it. And you don't need a relationship to complete you. They can be great, but if that's not what's meant for you right now, then there are so many others things to live for and have fun doing. I'm even younger than you are, and I feel like giving up on my life sometimes. But really, there are things worth living for. Our lives aren't over yet. Which means that they could, and will, improve. But. I'm sure those sound like empty words to you. They do to me sometimes too. I'm sorry, Jake. Take care.

First of all, I want to tell you that I didn't have my first relationship until I was 22. I know several other people who didn't start dating until after college. You are not so behind the curve, so don't worry.

I also wanted to correct some of your assumptions about women because I think it might help you have a better rapport with females. What you described as the "ideal male" is just that, an ideal. The ideal woman is apparently over 6 feet tall with flat abs, big boobs, wide-set eyes, long eyelashes, high cheekbones and pouty lips. That's a Victoria's Secret model, that's not reality. I would drool over a guy who looked like the ideal male but in reality the men I fell in love with look nothing like that, and it didn't matter. Relationships are not built on appearance alone and attraction is about more than physical features.

I don't know where you are getting the penis size thing from. If I went on a date with someone I would have no way of knowing what was in his pants. I've never known any woman who had that as a criteria or left their partner for being too small. And I don't think most women have fantasies of rough sex/domination. That might be a small part of the population and you are generalizing it to everyone. Keep in mind that as many as 1 in 3 of us have been sexually abused at some point and speaking for myself, domination would totally freak me out.

I hope you don't mind my addressing these things, it's just that you seem really angry with women and I don't think you should blame the whole sex because you don't approve of some individuals.

I hope you can make peace with yourself soon. I'm sure your whole world is going to open up one day when you least expect it.

you talk about physical appearance, why not go to a gym and make your body the best body it can be? I used to be 5'9'' 160lb, now I am 210 I can deadlift 505lb. It helps so much with self confidence. Working out also increases all the good chemicals that are produced in your brain!

Not all women think that way at all. My husband of 14 years is 5'7", overweight with a slightly receding hair line and I personally think he is so handsome and freaking adorable. Wouldn't change a single thing about how he looks. All that, and his soul is the very best part.

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I am so sorry to hear how you feel. I'm kind of in the same boat and also 19. I don't have advice but please hang in there xxx

What you describe is not my idea of an ideal man, I like someone who is gentle and caring, what you describe isn't natural and I don't like it. By the way I'm one of millions of women who hasn't read 50 shades and has no intention to!
What the media says about men and women is not true. Believe it at your peril