I can't fit in anywhere, ever.

I'm only 17 and I'm already too much of an outcast, it always seems that my opinions and hobbies are totally different than everyone else', and It's never going to change as long as I want to keep being who I am. I don't like going out partying, I don't like going out and staying outside for no reason, I don't like restaurants or anything outside, I try to take things logically and realistically and that always seems to pushes people away. Why does everyone else just seem like a total hypocrite? Either be it religious people, feminists or anyone else who just wants attention without really giving a rational and empirically valuable argument, about everything else, too. I can go on for hours about what makes most people illogical hypocrites. Why does everyone just want to have sex, without treasuring it? Why doesn't anyone have at least some cultured values? I just prefer sitting at home and watching something, playing something, because it feels a lot more versatile and intriguing than just staying outside for no reason. I'm below average looking, I'm untalented, can't talk to people and fail at absolutely everything, because of that I have no respect from anyone and the only "friend" I have is online, and we just talk about a game and sometimes things concerning my ideologies, but he's just like everyone else so we refrain from talking about his normal life or things like that. I know you're thinking "Oh, you're just being selfish, not everyone is like that! Everyone has an "opinion". Just be yourself and everything will work out!", well sorry to budge you but I've heard those things a million times, and I have thought about this for far too long and I realise that my life can never get better, people are all the same too, I've read internet dating statistics, observed everyone my whole life, tried speaking to a lot of people, and I figured out that, that's just what people are, and my life will just get worse. Since I'm really depressed and thus unmotivated now, I will never get a good job and will get one which will just make me more depressed. Not to mention that I'm just generally bad at every school subject and totally untalented and physically weak. I will never get friends or even a girlfriend because of how different I am from them, so it won't get any better in that aspect, anyway. I hate how everyone hates ME for being the logical and reasonable one, but the most crucial thing is the interests in the end.

I think it started when I was younger, I was always bullied even though I just wanted to make friends, I never harmed anyone, I even remember insulting a kid for no reason when I was really young and still feel bad about it. Either be it being bullied for pitiful immature reasons, or I'll get less bullied for being a loser, friendless virgin who doesn't like drinking, and can't offer absolutely ANYTHING, It's pretty much the same in one way or another. I know some people are just going to act "nice", but I know what everyone is thinking, I've seen a ton of those people, acting nice and understanding without believing in a thing I've said just to feel better about themselves. I don't even want to take anti-depressants, because I believe that if depression is what I get for being more understanding and logical, then It's probably the right emotion to have, but I've been feeling more suicidal (not saying that I'm intending on ever doing it) and depressed nowadays so I don't know what to do. I guess I just wanted to share this with somebody.

And no, I will not "improve", because I like the way I am, but I don't like how everyone treats me and acts themselves.

Just want to imply it again, It's not like I'm depressed because of minor issues, I'm depressed because I have zero hope of being who I am and relating to other people, having good reasons behind it too, not just being confused. Thinking about it objectively, and thinking about it logically and rationally, I really find no hope, I'm just too different from everyone else. Everyone hates me and I hate everyone. It's not just your "teenage crisis", I don't 'just' hate people, I can go on for hours of why I think their personalities and the decisions they make, the things they say and do seem stupid, irresponsible, shallow, worthless and hypocritical, with stable logical reasoning behind it. And everyone is like that. People basically don't like me because I disagree with their lifestyles and opinions, they didn't like me when I was younger for no reason, though. I've never been good at school subjects too, even way back in the first grade, and I have no talents whatsoever. I know people don't take me seriously because I'm only 17, but I have really good reasons for being like this.

How do you treat others ?

hi dazemaze

Seeming different from everyone else is a common experience among depressed people. Our life experience is not theirs simply because the mentally well. Have not suffered from depression. But you will fit in with the people in this forum, because like you. They have depression.
There is Nami the Association for the mentally ill and by googling them and getting through to their headquarters you will find out whether they have peer-to-peer that is depressed person-to-depressed person support groups within reasonable traveling distance of where you live. I believe they also run WRAP which is the wellness recovery action plan which enables people to construct in an eight week course a plan to keep themselves well. In these groups. You will be meeting people in the same boat as ourselves.

I don't like parties either a lot of depressed people don't. It is far better doing something we enjoy. There are a lot of hypocritical people. But we are people who stand by our values and standards and live by them. Too many people just give into their instincts and lead self-indulgent lives, whether it be sex or alcohol or whatever. We don't have to join them.

Since you enjoy doing things at home that is the way to go. I am a home bird also. So is my wife.
I think you are quite talented. You have a very good command of English can write very well and express yourself very well. I'm sure you have many other talents also which will emerge as you reflect on all of the different things that you can do.
However, you cannot say that your life will never get better. Simply because we can't predict the future. At one time my depression was very bad but I didn't think I would ever get better. But then I got the therapy tools necessary to work at and it did get better so life is a bit better now. Thank God.

I can see from the way you write and express yourself that you are in fact highly intelligent and could well end up with a very good job. And please God you will get good friends also.

It is useful to have a purpose in life. Something you feel passionate about. That could be a charitable cause, or indeed something that really fired you up in the past. Connecting with those things would make your life feel so much better.

I'm sorry you have been bullied. But bullies are in fact very insecure people and feel the need to intimidate other people to bolster up their very fragile egos. Since you don't drink and don't want to do the things the rest do The thing is to be independent and follow just what you believe to be right and believe me there are other people in the world who feel as you do. You would be able to make friends with other depressed people where you live. Those Nami groups. I was talking about would contain people just depressed like ourselves and give you the opportunity to make new friends.

The thing is, we cannot read other people's minds and so don't know what they really do think about us and very often they are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they aren't even aware of us. When they are being nice. There is always the chance that they actually mean it. Do you think sometimes it is worth giving them the benefit of the doubt?

Antidepressants do take the edge off depression and help most people. However, to really recover you need to see a therapist to get the skills to manage the depression. Take care. I hope and pray you have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

I've always treated others well, they just don't treat me well. I don't like them, but that doesn't mean I treat them bad. I've always treated people well, then they treat me like ****.
----

Now Francis, just because I'm depressed that doesn't mean they'll find me interesting. I get sad and angry, but that doesn't mean that other sad or angry people want to know me. Their depression is for whole other reasons anyway, I can't relate to them, nor they could with me and my reasons. Chatting in forums is totally different than talking in-real-life too, by the way. The thing is, I don't enjoy any of their hobbies. When I say I don't like doing something they do like, they just unfriend me and see me as a loser, and I understand that. It has always been like that, there is just no going around it, because I AM a loser. Now, I'm not just self-pitying, I'm being realistic, even though I don't see myself as one, but basing it on society's standards, I am one.

English is just a language, I've spend most of my time on the internet and have learned it pretty well, It's my only skill, which is basically useless because 1/3 of the Bulgarian youth already knows it on a good-enough level. And it's not like I can do anything useful that anybody else can't; with it. Believe me, I totally suck at everything. I can't memorize, not creative, I'm really bad at math, bad at sports, at everything; I hardly get below average scores, even if I try.

Hi
thanks for your replay. When you say people, do you mean everyone, including family?

Have you talked to anyone about this?

PS.

Bulgaria
Sofia Hotline
Hotline: 0035 9249 17 223

Other
Hotline : 981 76 86
Hotline: 958 50 00
Hotline: 073 177
Hotline: 936 24 44
Hotline: 946 11 56

I can definitely relate to your post. In my senior year of high school, I began to notice that my hobbies and interests were not as similar as my peers. That was around three years ago, and though I have changed a bit, I'm still the same introverted outcast i was back then. But during those three years, I learned that there are people in this world that share my interests and hobbies. Though there aren't a huge stack of people to pick from, there are still people that understand me. It just took time.

I won't ever fit in. I don't see myself becoming normal, It's just not going to happen. I acknowledge that I'm too weird for anyone, and looking at it objectively and logically, it really won't happen. Imagine there was only one homosexual person in the world, but the others didn't understand that he could like the same gender, because they were heterosexual. That's just an example, my problem is not sexuality, but that's how I feel like. I just wasn't made for this society. Even people who are supposed to be like me are not by miles. I've searched far and wide, every supposedly site with people who think like me, is not. I'm the outcast everywhere. People who say that I have a chance are either just optimistic or don't understand my situation and deprivation.

Depends. The people in my family who treat me well usually just do it on purely relative connection, not that they like me as a person. They're not interested in me and I'm not interested in them, we rarely speak, and I'm not trying to make friends with them or anything like that, so they don't need to like me to not treat me like ****. The only thing which connects us is that we are a family, and that's not much.

I used to feel pretty much the way you did, until I discovered I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a type of autism and that will of course have an affect on social ability and what interests you have. I can recommend you try and see a psychiatrist to look into a possible diagnosis. The things you describe may very well point to it, especially trying to logically reason almost everything and not understanding why people do what they do.

I can't tell from your original post what it is that makes you feel so different. I can't tell what you think is "normal" and what it is about you that you think is so far from normal.

I did consider that I might have autism. I mean, it explains why I can't cope with people. Even if I have different ideologies, It's normal to just give in to the usual ideas, right? I did a lot of stimming when I was younger too, now I just do a little bit. I understand why people do what they do, or think what they think, because it feels more comfortable and easy, It's easier to not think about the harder things. I understand people, I always tried to sympathise with them. But I don't want the easy way out. We're humans, not animals to just think something because "It's easier".

Not going to explain it all over again.

Well you say you don't like going out and you like being alone, but that describes pretty much all of my friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You say you're untalented and unattractive, but everyone with depression feels exactly the same way, so you have that in common with all of us. You say you're an outcast but you also say you prefer being alone, so I can't tell if you WANT to fit in better, or just be left alone. If you don't like being around people, they won't like being around you either, that's all.

No, it's not that simple, especially when you have autism. What you see isn't simply what you get with us. Just because someone cannot really socialize doesn't automatically mean they don't like being around people and that people need to leave them alone. I wish people will stop believing this.

But I'm literally that, I'm not just pitying myself and It's not just because of my depression. Even in the first grades I had trouble with school, where I was happier. I'm really clumsy with my body and can't use it at all. Using my hands is the worst, second is using my body. I also have a pretty scary/annoying face and really bad posture.

I don't want to fit in, I want someone to fit in with me. My post is that I can't fit in, not that I want to "fit in", but that I can't be like other people. I want people like me to fit in with. Feelings aren't the only thing which connect people.

I don't like being around people because I explained it a hundred times, plus they don't want to be around me anyway. Even if I acted friendly and social, but kept my thoughts and ideologies, they would bully me or ignore me, because I just don't like the same things they do, don't follow the same things they do, etc.. can't relate to them.

Nothing wrong with telling your doctor now , 10 years ago or never. It takes time to feel comfortable about telling people things and it should be understandable why it takes so much time for some people but at the same time you could probably understand why your doctor gets a little bit frustrated. If he completely flipped it he was probably wrong and it may have made you feel like you did something wrong but you didn't.

in the end, suicidal thoughts are symptom just like feeling tired or never being able to sleep, it's just that it's a stigmatized uncertain symptom for alot of people.

What I'm saying is, if you don't like being around people, everyone will pick up on it and they will not want you around.

Hi Dazemaze

It is always better to be yourself and stick by your opinions and follow the hobbies and interests that attract you. You don't have to conform to what other people want.

That a lot of people are hypocritical. Is sad. But being honest and genuine and living up to your values is the way to go.

I believe that you are very talented. You are highly intelligent and express yourself very well.

You cannot predict the future, and you may well get a girlfriend and a really good job.

Since you have been feeling suicidal, it makes sense to see the doctor and to take antidepressants because not taking them when you are in that state is potentially dangerous. Also, perhaps you should see a therapist to get good skills to manage symptoms. I hope and pray everything will get much better for you soon. And that your day will be really good. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

That's just optimism and ignoring what I said. I'm not highly intelligent, I only sound like that but I'm really not. What makes me "intelligent" is only that I think about the things which people don't want to think about or accept, everyone can do it. My intelligence is average or below average. I don't have a good memory, can't memorize things at all, never could, always had problems with attention and numbers too. I'm really bad at math, always have been. It's always been normal for me to be bad at studies and sports. I've literally always been like that and that's just how I am.

I don't think that anyone even understands how offensive to other people my opinions and ideologies sound.

How could we if we don't know what they are?