[DeterminedSlacker]

Hello all,

I have been ignoring my depression and pretending it doesn't exist for far too long to the point where I'm almost comfortable feeling depressed. I need to change this though, and quickly, I'm not getting any younger.

Anyway, I was curious if anyone had any suggestions as to the first steps I should take to start recovering. I don't want to take pills, I'm not judging anyone who does of course but if I can I'd like to deal with this without medicinal assistance if possible. If I can't then I'm open for meds, but I'd like to try without them first.

The last year of my life has been a rough ride. I lost a young cousin under very traumatic and unexpected circumstances, then a hospital bill put me into debt, and then my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I've been trying to cope but between all of these things and the naturally anxious/depressed person I am I feel like I'm just sinking lower and lower. I'm the oldest man in my immediate family now and as such I've had a lot of the burden of our family trauma fall onto my shoulders. Externally I've been able to handle it and keep the family in somewhat high spirits but internally I'm a mess and I just can't ignore it much longer before I crash and burn.

I've tried some mindfulness techniques and meditation but their relief is only temporary, once I try to move to something else the thoughts of worry, inadequacy, fear of the future and just general pessimism and anxiety return.

I dunno, I feel like this has become a big rambling mess of a post. Just looking for some advice and support. I'd like to try to help others as well, I find helping others makes me feel a bit more optimistic and in control of myself. I hope I can give and take in this community rather than just take. Thanks for reading.

[Mountainbard]

Hi DeterminedSlacker, and welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you've had such a tough year. The things you've gone through would worsen anyone's depression. I resisted meds for decades-- I'm very stubborn-- and tried to keep the mask on and cope-- but in the end they were what brought me out of depression. I think other things can help, but in the end I think for 99% of people medication is a necessary part of recovery. The fact that you've joined here is a big part of your recovery. You'll get lots of feedback, as well as support and encouragement, from the good people here. And you'll have lots of opportunities to help others. I wish you all the best as you continue your healing journey. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[DeterminedSlacker]

Hey Mountainbard, thanks for the reply. I'm very stubborn too, if I wasn't I probably would've dealt with this long ago. I guess my fear is getting stuck on medication for a long time, are there any successful ways of taking a dose for a small amount of time? Or is that something that would be up to a doctors discretion?

I guess I look at it like this, if my brain was able to get me into this position without any medicinal influences then logically it should also have the power to get me out of this position without any medicinal assistance. I realize that's probably just wishful thinking though. It's also a financial issue, I'm not exactly swimming in money right now and I know a lot of medications can be pretty expensive.

Can you, or someone else reading, explain how meds have effected you both positively and negatively? I don't want my personality, nor my mindset to change too much, I just want to lose my anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, self deprecation and just overall depression.

[vital]

Originally Posted by DeterminedSlacker

...
Anyway, I was curious if anyone had any suggestions as to the first steps I should take to start recovering. I don't want to take pills, I'm not judging anyone who does of course but if I can I'd like to deal with this without medicinal assistance if possible. If I can't then I'm open for meds, but I'd like to try without them first....

Hi DeterminedSlacker,

There are LOTS of promising things to try for depression. You can find a partial list here

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

I especially think that the best first step is to carefully check for medical problems with your M.D. There are a surprisingly large number of common purely medical problems that can drag you down mentally.

You might find these notes to be helpful.

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB/BA.pdf

You'll find and explanation of how depression works and what you can do about it.

- vital

[DeterminedSlacker]

Thanks so much, Vital. I'll be spending some time today investigating the sources you've pointed me towards. I recently had a huge amount of blood tests and everything came back healthy, but there are certainly other areas I can improve such as exercise, diet, and some of the mental exercises you described in your thread.

I'm glad to hear some people can overcome this without the use of meds. I know meds work for some people, and I'm not totally averse to trying them, I just wanted to try other methods first before committing to them.

Hello DS. Don't worry about rambling. Depression is a rambling sort of experience.

I'm glad that you've come to the Psych Central site. I've been posting here since last winter and have found it to be a good place to learn about helpful techniques and habits. It's also helpful to me just to know that so many other people are struggling with similar problems.

I am going to write a very long post about some things that I do to help my depression.

I deal with "plain vanilla" depression and anxiety and also have some chronic medical problems.

If you are managing to function, then I think that your desire to try non-pharmaceutical methods of dealing with your problems is very reasonable.

As far as the mindfulness exercises go, I have been learning some of those lately myself. I am finding that it takes a lot of practice to start to make the mindfulness response the automatic "go-to" rather than stress, anger, anxiety, etc.

There are a ton of YouTube videos with mindfulness exercises. I've found that if I choose one that I like and use it over and over, that eventually my mind starts to be "trained" and when I hear the music and the voice, I am beginning to automatically shift into that mode.

I have been doing the same thing with some "pre-sleep" music that I chose. I have been using the same set of songs for about three months now and even though I'm getting a little tired of them, I'm noticing that my body is starting to respond on some level to hearing them and associating them with sleep.

A mindfulness exercise that I like because I can do it while I'm doing other things, is the one called Leaf on a Stream or some version of that. I'm not sure why this exercise has "clicked" so well for me.

This exercise is about mindfulness of thoughts (as opposed to body or breathing). You basically put any thoughts you want to get rid of on a leaf in a stream that you're picturing and watch them float out of sight.

I have found that, with effort, I can do this while doing other things (not driving!) and the more often I do it, the more effective it becomes. The exercise says to put your "thought" on a leaf.

I'm not clear how to do that without visualizing exactly what's bothering me on the leaf. I put specific people on a leaf and watch them go floating out of sight.

That often doesn't mean that they aren't actually still in my life, but I find relief in watching them disappear down the stream. There's a part of me that wonders if I'm doing this exercise all wrong, because I often feel something like glee when I watch people or problems float out of sight, and it seems like calm acceptance would be more, um, mindful.

Okay, enough about that.

I am a big believer in the effects of good food, good sleep, and some type of regular physical activity on depression. Even if we already have good habits in these areas, depression makes it more difficult to keep doing them. It's especially disruptive to sleep. So I think it's good to evaluate these areas.

There's a book called Eat Move Sleep by Tom Rath that addresses these areas specifically. Tom Rath has serious medical issues, not psychiatric ones, and he claims that focusing on these areas keeps him alive.

Another online site for discussing depression especially is Beyond Blue. It was founded by Therese Borchard, who is a mental health writer and activist and is a Psych Central board member. I really like her article about 10 Foods I Eat Everyday to Beat Depression.

I don't eat all 10, and I have added Greek yogurt (either in a smoothie or with nuts and berries in it) and oranges to my list. Lots of the foods on the list don't have to be cooked, which is a big plus to me.

I don't know if you are having problems in the areas of organizing your thoughts and sticking to goals. When I started to get a bit better last winter (enough to even think about trying to improve in these areas) I learned that what I was experiencing was termed "executive function problems" and that people with adult ADD have these problems.

I've never been diagnosed with ADD and don't have any interest in being tested for it, but since depression is a known cause of problems with executive functions, I figured that I could use some of the tools from adult ADD/ADHD books to help me.

I mostly have been relying on a paper planner (old-style), a calendar app, and a bulletin board where I put things that I want to work on or remember. I live alone, so I'm free to post my innermost thoughts all over the wall in a spare room if I want to. I know that not everyone has that option.

Surprisingly, I found that one of the things that helped me most in the executive functioning area was eating breakfast and one with some protein. I apparently am a little bit prone to low blood sugar and when that happens, I become totally disorganized.

I read somewhere that a person who has executive function problems is usually "late, lost, and unprepared." When I read that description back in the spring, I felt like going "Waaahhh!!!" like Lucy on "I Love Lucy".

I'm doing lots better in those areas now. (That's another benefit of this site - it lets you keep track over time of what's been going on with you and if you're getting better.)

I don't know how you feel about non-prescription supplements that help brain function. I am a very big fan of SAM-e. I have taken it in the past, although not lately. I would take it now if I wasn't on SSI disability with extreme financial limitations.

This is the brand of SAM-e that I think is very good. If it's something that you can afford, I think it's very much worth trying. When I've taken it in the past, it had a very positive effect on my mood and energy. About 1200 mg/day is recommended, but if you can only afford to take 400 mg/day, I think that's worth trying.

Another supplement that I like is helpful with anxiety. It's L-theanine, and it can be very calming and helpful with anxiety and also helpful for relaxing at night if sleep is a problem.

I've recommended brands/formulas that are supposed to be best. It seems that both of these supplements are very popular now, so there are dozens of versions of them and some of those are completely worthless.

If dealing with depression seems like a total life make-over, it kind of is. All these things that I've written about are things that I've learned about over a period of years.

You have to start somewhere. I think that sleep is absolutely the most important factor to look at first. It's rare that someone with depression doesn't have a disturbance in their sleep.

I started taking an antidepressant about six months ago at bedtime that appeared to "fix" my sleep, but I recently ended up being sent for a sleep study and it turns out that I have sleep apnea.

I'm not very keen on getting the CPAP "space mask" to sleep in, but there's a part of me that's hoping that improving the quality of my sleep (and getting enough oxygen to my brain) will improve my mood and energy level.

If you're still reading at this point, I'm going to recommend seeing a therapist for either individual or group therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of life issues going on that are tough to deal with and that you could use some support for this.

If money is an issue here, group therapy often costs less. You may even be able to find free groups. If you don't want to do traditional therapy, going to a meditation or mindfulness group or yoga class can be really beneficial.

My therapy group is a little bit like a group of friends who have similar problems and talk about them and learn from each other. I am finding that it's the seeing the same people every week and the continuing nature of the group that brings about the healing effect. (That doesn't usually start from meeting 1 - it takes a while.)

As far as the stress in your life from your mother's illness, I have been in a similar situation in past years with a parent's illness. All of my family members had to do an evaluation of just how much stress we could take and how best to delegate roles that each person would play. We were all speaking and willing to cooperate, but it was still a hard time.

It was like we felt unspoken demands to play certain roles because we were the oldest child, spouse, etc. Sometimes it turned out that we really needed to talk to each other about those roles and what we were feeling.

It turned out that things were going on like one person feeling that others were blaming them for aspects of the illness and things like that.

The talking didn't make all the problems go away, but I think it's good not to just assume that "I have to do this/take care of the others because..." without discussing that.

Discussion isn't guaranteed to make things better, but sometimes it does. Hearing "thank you for what you're doing" or "I worry that you're taking on too much" or "I think I could do this to help" can make a big difference.

Again, welcome to the Psych Central forums. Like any other place on the internet, you have to take what you want and leave the rest here. I have mostly found this to be a more caring and helpful community than most online ones.

[DeterminedSlacker]

Thanks for the long and informative post, jo.

I only recently started the mindfulness exercises and while they do afford temporary relief when I start excessively worrying or beating myself up, they haven't been very effective yet. I will try to keep with them considering as you said it can take a few weeks to reap the full rewards from them. I will give the leaf exercise a try, I have a bit of a problem with visualizing things like that but maybe with practice I can get better. I always end up thinking about something else while trying to visualize those types of things and other takes me out of the moment.

I've recently been trying to exercise more, a walk to the store instead of a drive or some pushups and free weights at home when I feel motivated. I've tried to get onto a concrete schedule but sometimes I just feel like sitting around, I have to work on that. That's part of the reason I joined the website looking for help, to find some motivation because while I was exercising a bit and trying to eat better I felt like I was just going through the motions rather than actually committing to it.

My sleep schedule is atrocious, one day I'll sleep for two hours and the next for 10, then I'll skip sleep altogether. This past week has been especially hectic as my mother was in the hospital and I've had to commute quite a bit to and from the hospital to be with her. She's back home now and I've been staying with her while she recovers from her surgery, though that also wreaks havoc on my sleep schedule because she needs oxygen at certain hours of the night and I have to get it to her, making a full nights sleep something I can't expect for the next few weeks.

I think seeing my mother in this position has really triggered me into sinking further down too, though I've been keeping it below the surface for her sake. She was always a very strong, determined, and self reliant person so to see her in this state of weakness and helplessness really shook me to my core. The rest of my family has been very supportive but nobody has been with her and seen her suffering as much as I have. I am eternally in debt to her for raising me and being an amazing mother and role model so I don't feel any resentment for helping her through this, but it has taken its toll on me.

I'll look into the supplements you've recommended, this is all very new to me and I'm the type of person who wants to know everything about what I'm about to put into my body. I'm glad they helped you and if they look ok and safe for me I'll definitely try them.

I don't know how well I'd respond to group therapy. I am the type of person who lives inside his own head. While I'm finding it relatively easy to share on this forum, I don't know how well I would do in a group full of people. I'd probably be worried about being judged or showing my vulnerabilities. I will consider it though and look into what type of groups we have locally. I'd probably prefer a men's only group but I don't know how common those are.

I feel like I've spoken more about my issues in these few posts I've put up here in the last 24 hours than I have in a decade. It feels good to open the release valve and let this stuff out. Thanks for listening and responding.

[Mountainbard]

It definitely sounds like you're doing a lot of things right. I know the feeling on the exercise. I walk for exercise, and indeed when I lose my desire to walk it's a red flag for me. I've recently begun walking again but it's not as regularly as I'd like. I'm glad you feel good about what you've posted here. It does feel good to open the release valve, and people here won't judge you for it. On the contrary I've always found people here to be very understanding and supportive.

[DeterminedSlacker]

Thanks Mountainbard, I wish it felt like I was doing everything right though. I have my good times but the bad times are overwhelming and often feel like they erase any progress made during good times. Two steps forward, two steps back, sometimes three.