Daily Check In, ups and downs #17

I went away for the weekend with a dear friend. I didn't know it was such a big deal until I was brushing my teeth side by side him. I am trying to grieve and to take steps forward. It feels good in the end to communicate what I went through being married to someone troubled and what my hopes are for the future. Honestly my instinct is to lie down and cry forever, but I am choosing life.

This is too stressful, I am very sorry. Perhaps you state has some rights stated for tenants with disabilities, I am not sure how to find the information

happy monday

Woke up late, feel semi-depressed. Worried about dental work and car issues both of which are bad things to have on a fixed income...considering becoming semi-"functional" as in getting some kind of stupid job that can at least help cover payments. However I am barely able to cope with other people in any way. These things should motivate me though I am nervous as hell about even trying.

At least I'm losing weight by eating one healthy pile of greens for lunch and heavier food for dinner. At least I'm about 50lbs above my ideal weight instead of 60+ lol

It turns out I have March at least to move. Thank you! But I just developed numbness in my feet and lower legs that doesn't get better after I stand up. So I'm hopefully getting to the doctor tomorrow. Fumes can cause it and I've been subjected to a lot of fumes here the past month.

i need to die.. but most of all i need to stop saying i need to die and actually do it.

I hope you wont do anything you shouldn't. You're alive for reasons you've never thought of yet.

if there is a reason, it is purely to suffer. well, i'm through with suffering.

Ennui, Can I be the first one to get mad around here, stop it Girl! You are here for a reason, I care, we care. Remember that! I know life hurts, I was there too, not exactly where you are. But we all share something, we know life can suck. We also know that there will be better times. Many times I didn't think there would be.

YOU ARE STRONG!

i am not strong, please don't lie to me. lying makes me angry. to be fair, none of you know what just happened to me and i can't share it here. i do not know if i will bounce back. so please stop.

I just came here to delete that, I don't know what to do to help and I do care. I apologize. It's just difficult, I want to not interrupt people's lives at all sometimes. I wanted to help.

You posted a little about it in another thread? No lovelorn 19 year old ever thinks she'll bounce back. Just deal with the drudgery of life until something decent happens again. That's what most of us do. :/

thanks for making me feel like an idiot who has nothing to be upset about. it's resolved now but it doesn't matter. this is just the icing on the cake. i don't think i will be back here. i have always been invalidated and my problems made to feel small. i never thought you would do it too. but i hve my bf back and he's the only one who matters to me anymore. have a nice life

I didn't mean it that way at all. I'm so sorry. I'm in a horrible mood and it came out in my post. I'm really sorry.

you are basically telling a suicidal girl to "just deal with it" as if that couldn't do any damage

I'm sorry. I guess because lately, that's what I'm doing. Again, I'm sorry.

it's okay. it's just that i've gotten too much crap from too many people today.

I understand. I really, really do.

This is literally how I feel right now. I'm sorry you're not feeling validated here. I hope you choose to stick around. Life is hard...but it's even harder without support. I know you already said I'm a stranger so can't believe that I care, but I really do. And if you want to pm I am totally open to that. I don't judge, would like to offer support where I can

ennui, no one has done anything but try to help you. you are twisting people's words and picking fights with many people.

it's resolved.

Hi LittleEarthquakes,
Respectfully, I do not agree with you. The fact is that sometimes we need just to listen, not to offer solutions. We just need support. We need somebody to tell us "I am here for you".
I failed Ennui, too. I just saw one picture of hers and I thought she is pretty. But she does not feel that way. I was trying to convince her the opposite but this is not the way sometimes. Sometimes we just need somebody to tell us "I am here for you, no matter what"

Well there's nothing really to agree with, that was just what was happening.
I am here for her - I just think it's not helpful for her, or anyone, to guilt trip and play the victim and make everyone a villain no matter what they say.

nobody failed me. i've just not accepted help offered to me.

I'm having a depressing day. It hit me all of a sudden with an unexpected trigger and I am really frightened it will get me down in the dumps. In fact, depression from the same thing landed me in the hospital last summer. I am doing my best to find something positve today but it's not working.