you know what i hate?

i hate how when im extremely depressed, i think to myself that i'd never want to be happy. then when im happy, i think to myself that i'd never want to be depressed. and my mood can change from being utterly depressed to being ecstatic in under a minute [with due cause]. it's kind of annoying. for instance at the moment i am SO glad i'm not depressed, and i would try to keep myself from becoming depressed. however in the next day or so when im probably horribly depressed again, im going to be totally un-happy and not want to be anything BUT un-happy. [and yes, un-happy is different from simply unhappy, in my opinion] i was wondering if anyone else feels this way. or if im just crazy.

yep feel it a lot...emotionally

You can kind of equate it to the physical...

...when you have a fever...you can't imagine ever feeling better ... then when you are better you can't imagine ever feeling that awful....

yes, exactly like that! ok, im glad im not the only one who feels like that

YESSS! I used to put it as if there are two separate "self", one depressed, and one "sane", and the two alternate without communicating. When I'm depresed, like now, I can't imagine how I could feel good... when I'll be OK again (I know it will happen from experience, but I don't really emotionally believe it right now) I will forget HOW really bad I was.

Just how it works

However, your rapid swings seem to deserve attention from your pdoc. Is there a mood stablizer in your medication cocktail?

no, i cant do meds, too much anxiety to do meds. wow, that's a little ridiculous. anyway, yeah... that's kinda weird. aaaand it's 4:56 in the morning where i am, so im in kind of a weird mood

I've found the smallest triggers take me from being normal, to pushing me in to my altered state of confussion and deperssion..

You should take medications, you should really. They are no exact science, but they may work, it's worth to give them a chance. I mentioned the mood stabilizer, but of course it would take an expert psychiatrist to evaluate your condition and prescribe accordingly.

And let me say a totally offtopic thing: by that small webcam snapshot I can spot a really cute girl :-)
Too bad I lev in Italy, if we were near I would invite you to a photoshooting (I am a photographer) to catch the sweetness in your eyes.

The best of luck

thanks stefano