 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Mar 16, 2016, 01:12 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Ive been thinking and come to realize what is keeping me from killing myself is fear fear of failure mainly and a little fear of success though mainly fear of failure but if i don't die my parents will like my fears are telling me they will im not able to cope with that nor am i able to take care of myself after there dead i have family members that can take care of me but do they really want to. My godmother said she wouldn't cause shed be afraid id end up killing myself. Ill probably end up homeless. So ive decided some months down the road to wait all night if i have to see if i can convince myself to do something stupid here comes the problem ive now told my family that i want to go bac k to after this supposed ly happens so i guess im already expecting to live from this but i don't think I should be so confident i know i could seriously hurt myself i just don't know what my problem is i know the result if i do this will be ending up in the hospital i don't want to go there i just don't know how to stop myself from getting to that point . should i just not go back to school is that the answer?
 Sent from my SM-T210R using Tapatalk |
 Anonymous37780, Anonymous48850, elevatedsoul, Fizzyo
|
|
#2
Mar 16, 2016, 02:11 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Passionfruit, we are talking about YOUR life here. If you are having trouble and anxiety then postpone a semester of school for a little bit. Go talk to a counselor and see if you can get some inpatient therapy. You need some guidance from others to give you the tools to make it on your own. At some point we all get old enough to where we lose family members, but life gives us friends to fill the void. Go to a counselor and to a peer support group if you can. This is most helpful for here is your equals helping you go through the process with them by your side, the same things. (((hugs))) tc
|
 qwerty68
|
|
#3
Mar 16, 2016, 10:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
im here... know how you are feeling...
this isn't the answer though you know.. please be strong... talk to therapist about this... it will help... talk here... will help too... you aren't alone...
__________________
|
|
#4
Mar 20, 2016, 03:23 PM
|
||||
|
||||
 (((((((passionfruit3)))))))
|
|
#5
Mar 20, 2016, 04:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
passionfruit how are you doing?
__________________
|
|
#6
Mar 20, 2016, 05:42 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Still trying to talk myself out of a suicide plan.my mom makes me feel guilty cause she says if i keep ending up in the hospital she wont have money to afford the rent and bills since most of her jobs pertain around me and my dad doesn't help with anything and there's six of us in all and most need help paying for school as well so the little money i receive and her job helps us all my dad doesn't really help out except maybe with groceries i can't help it if i don't want to be here but i feel sorry for my mom.that being said im trying to convince myself not to do it cause if i fail i have a chance of being sent back to the hospital and if they keep me longer than three weeks this time meaning a month ill lose my medical insurance cause im on disability i don't want my family too have to pay for my hospital bills if i do something it's not right so im trying to keep from planning and so far i don't know what im going to do wether im going to be able to not go through with this or not cause once i get an idea in my head pertaining to suicide i can't get it out
Quote:
Sent from my SM-T210R using Tapatalk |
|
#7
Mar 20, 2016, 06:04 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
i have never let myself come close to making a plan... i have thought about many different things though, ways.. but i refuse to make any plans... im not going to let the depression win you know?
i know you are hurting... but we can get through this... i know it seems impossible, i know it seems like the only answer... but its not you know? it just seems like that to us because we cant see through this thick fog that is depression... i know how you feel about causing financial strain on your parents... i can't work right now and im completely dependent on my dad and im 26 years old but im really sick and am trying to fight with all my might... i know you are stronger than you believe and you are much much more important than you feel, its just hard to see right now you know? i feel terrible about my affliction, because i cause so much strain on everyone... although i try to be invisible and not hurt anyone or cause any problems and stay to myself and keep all my emotions and stuff inside bottled up... to not hurt anyone or worry anyone or whatever you know.. but i try to reach out here because people here truly understand... i understand and i have feel like you do many times... but this is something we can control, this is something that we can say NO YOU CANT TAKE THIS FROM ME DEPRESSION!!! because depression can take everything from us... but only we can take our life away... you know? i know you are hurting... im so so sorry.... please talk here, i will listen and i will understand, i will try to help even though im not really good person to give advice because i too suffer... but i want you to survive and i want you to beat this and have a good life, you deserve all of that - happiness, you really do please be strong for me..? for all of us; we care about you 
__________________
|
|
#8
Mar 20, 2016, 06:29 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Ive had many plans and many suicide attempts i am very into escaping anything that hurts .i guess im a bit of a coward that way . It's very hard being the only one in your family who doesn't work or go to school because of her issues hell i haven't even learned to drive not sure if i can cause of my disability it's very hard not having have lived your life to its fullest and yet wanting to end it before that.yet i dont want to mourn the death of my loved ones and i really want to go out on my own terms not gods.i cant so easily let this go i don't know how.im only twenty three now but at some point i will have to buy a gun or something and seriously take myself out
Sent from my SM-T210R using Tapatalk |
| elevatedsoul
|
|
#9
Mar 20, 2016, 07:11 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
you are not a coward... you are still here, it takes great strength to fight this, dont put yourself down ok?
i know its hard for anything i say to make a difference.. but i really want you to try to relax... we have to focus on recovery... i can't drive either, im terrified of it... i have mini panic attacks when riding in a car even... i jump alot at oncoming traffic and traffic signs... trees or mailboxes or anything that is close to the moving car.. but especially oncoming traffic... so dont feel bad about the driving thing please? i try not to think about it, its just something that i have not been able to do yet.. i dunno if i ever will drive, i dont really want to because it scares me so much... but some day i might have to face it, but that scares me too so i try to ignore it and not think about that... gotta focus on what i can do right now to try to get better.. i think all the time about all of the things i miss out on, everything that i have missed out on... its depressing in itself... i dropped out of school so i dont even have a G.E.D. or highschool diploma... i cant work because of this illness... but i try to be the best depressed optimist that i can... even though its so conflicting and makes me so angry sometimes to try to tell myself that its ok when clearly i see that its not ok, but i have to ... i have to try to help myself get through the day and night because i wont let anyone else help me... i only talk about some things here on psych central because people here are really empathetic and understanding... my real life persona is no where near as extroverted as i seem here on the forums... im a supreme introvert and i barely talk most of the time, i will casually talk about small things that i may have read or reply to something some one says to me but i dont even want to talk really, im practically a mute? im not trying to make this about me... i just want you to know that we are so strong, depression makes us so weak... but we have to be so strong just to make it 1 day with this illness... please try to see your strengths... i know its so hard and all we can see is the weakness.. but we have to fight it, fight to see any kind of strengths we have... i haven't left the house in weeks, i rarely ever go out because i just dont feel like it... and that doesnt really bother me but i guess thats related to my personality traits... i dont have any friends either, besides all of the kind people here on psych central.. everyone here is so supportive and understanding, its wonderful being able to say the things that are going through our minds without having to fear so much judgement... im sorry that i ramble and make long posts, its hard for me to simplify anything because of the adhd i guess... im just trying to show you that we are really strong... i know you are stronger than you think you are.. i know you dont believe me, hell i dont believe myself most of the time.. but i have to fight it, i will fight it till the end and i want you to find the strength to fight it too what can i do for you to help..? i can sit here and say many many things but i know its hard to listen to me say this and you're probably thinking im full of bull****  but i do care about you and you are important, even though i dont know you in life... i share the same affliction and know how painful it is... we have to be kind to ourselves... please do something good for yourself... make yourself feel good for just a few minutes... eat some chocolate... bake some cookies... hell, drink a few beers even..? anything that you enjoy you know? you deserve to be happy and we can be happy if we dont let this illness win... we just have to fight, im not saying its easy because i know its not... its the ugliest and hardest damn thing i've ever faced... but i refuse to let it win... i've learned that we can be our worse enemy... and our own best friend... but its a see-saw type effect... because we will bounce back and forth... we will have good days and we will have bad days... but we have to stay strong through it all... and hopefully oneday we will succeed in banishing the illness from our lives completely, i have talked with people that have won the war... and they have been happy for a long time, it inspires me.. i know i struggle really hard with alot of bad habbits... i even end up with self harm when i get so bad i cant take it anymore... and i hate that i do that... but its just the depression making me do these things... there are beautiful people inside of us that the depression is hiding... covering up... you know? i dont want to upset you are piss you off... not trying to talk a bunch of trash or whatever.. im just trying to be sincere... i really want you to be ok... can you please try to do something nice for yourself...? try to make a habbit of doing something nice for yourself..? i am a musician so sometimes even when i dont feel like it i try to make music... its hard, but if i keep at it it does make me feel a little better... just a little, but a little is alot in these cases... i dont have many things that i can do to make myself feel better so music is one of the good habits i can rely on... i will stop writing because i just write too much  but im here for you... i will try to be... im going through the same thing though, we just have to try to hold each other up... i hope i dont make you mad or anything saying these things... because i know when im really really bad and someone tells me "you are a strong beautiful person" im like "yeah right, nooope you're an idiot" but its true, we are ... you are... really really ps: i wanted to ask about your treatment... are you seeing a pdoc or therapist?
__________________
Last edited by elevatedsoul; Mar 20, 2016 at 07:38 PM. Reason: PS: |
|
#10
Mar 22, 2016, 01:57 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I will try not to put myself down but its hard okay ?i can do something nice for myself but what good will it do i dont love myself cause im not a good person and no one has ever loved me.i don't think itll change by a few days of being nice to myself. I have some friends in real life though they have there own lives and i only really see them on holidays and talk occasionally. Awhile back i deleted a bunch of contacts out of my phone friends i just didn't want to deal with anymore. I haven't seen those people in years and although i miss some some friends were just not good so being alone not always bad and sometimes its good not to talk either you learn more about your environment. I never found the idea of driving scary except when your on cliffs but maybe i should. then again i never found the thought of trying to kill myself again after i almost died scary either or maybe i just never learned from my mistakes. your not ticking me off for expressing your opinion dont think that .i like what you have to say i wish i was somebody else cause somebody else anybody would use the advice you gave much better maybe thats just the depression making me feel bad its funny how it tends to do that right around this time to at night when im alone and vulnerable im always alone but this is just worse and sometimes i don't know how ill get through the night but somehow I do. Im currently in therapy and have a psychiatrist though im not sure if it helps i take meds but I'm still depressed granted my meds do help with voices a little but im still depressed i don't know what else to do.
So your a musician huh well im a poet not an idiot lol jk im a total idiot sometimes in a good way  Quote:
Sent from my SM-T210R using Tapatalk |
|
#11
Mar 22, 2016, 10:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
i totally get it
 i know i post alot of stuff trying to be positive and all... sometimes i end up posting some sad things and talking about some things too.. but i do get it, i try to use my advice as well.. but you know, it makes me so mad sometimes  i feel much the same, but i will argue with myself... that probably makes it worse, but i just want to feel better so i try to give myself this advice too - but you know how it is telling a depressed person to cheer up? try to do something productive? i am soo mean to myself sometimes, but i have some good days sometimes.. its a battle ya know? but the enemy is evasive :/ and many of my attacks miss! and even though i curse atmyself sometimes when i try to cheer myself up i just try to be gentle too... but i feel really crazy sometimes :/ so yeh... it really sucks, but i think we have to try to coach ourselves for better or worse ? need some cheerleaders 
__________________
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
