confessions of little turtle

brazenapogee---can you say more about [that place]..

I wish my brother had spoken with someone Instead of killing himself.

[that place] is where you're wrong in the world, you don't fit, you're completely alone, and the bad feelings like you have hole in your chest and are going to implode or collapse or both just don't stop, and there is no one you can talk to cause even the people that you're supposed to be able to talk to, to help you, just tell you to go to the hospital, but they don't help you either and then send you home, so you just sit somewhere bad, trying to stop yourself, but your just a statue watching the world go by.

I wish we could of met and talked together....about being alone

I wish there was someone to talk to about being so alone. About feeling wrong in the world. About making the pain stop. The system is supposed to be there to help, but it doesn't. If you reach out, they throw rules and push you away, they say they will help but they don't. That's one of the reasons I like listening to you, you may not do the job anymore, but you give hope that there is real people out there who may want to help. That maybe someone like me, or others like me, aren't so very alone.

I am alone....I haven't found too many kind people out there...but I have found some...I am feeling very afraid and sad and angry...mostly afraid..
I hope you are not so alone soon...

I am now 85 yo....I am afraid of dying....I don't want to die...I want to live..
I have had a lifetime of serious depression problems....3 bad breakdowns...
and I still take 10 mg of celexa a day...and every so often 5 mg of valium...
there was a time when I really wanted to die ....but not now...

I needed a lot of help and I got a lot of help....

Like you suggested I am seeing a therapist. I plan to join yoga and drawing classes soon next year. But I am still depressed. More so coz the guy I have proposed to has turned me down. Do you have any suggestions for me?

I don't know what to say desiree...sounds like you are taking some action...
what does your therapist say...can you help me at all with my fears about death..

My therapist says that I am doing the right thing. You are 85 - you will live at least till 100. You can enjoy the next 15yrs - so why be afraid? And, if you live for 120yrs, then you have another (15+20)yrs to enjoy life.

I would like to have a TRUE LOVE group too.

we need to start it..........love is patient...love is kind

I have a mental illness...why should I feel ASHAMED that I see a psychiatrist....I am very careful who I tell about my depression problems...is it a sign of WEAKNESS...I couldn't WORK for four years....and then I could only WORK half time seeing patients...I am partially disabled...I am not a BAD person

wow this mental illness thing is so hard to deal with....its bad enough having the illness...but the worst part is what people think about you and how they treat you...and how you treat yourself..omg

All the shame and stigma it's so sad

We deserve love not hate. We are not bad people..

we are not bad people
we are not weak people
we have an illness

I am not happy ....I don't like the way people treat each other...
I don't like the way I treat myself...I think I am inferior...sometimes I feel superior..
I am going to work on this...it leads to a lot of unhappiness[???depression]...

They say that psychiatrist all have their of mental health problems. I am sure that's not absolutely true, but maybe there is some truth behind this... My sister is about to begin her training as a psychiatrist. Mental illness just runs in the family. Even today some people, including many doctors look down to the ones that chose psychiatry. Tell me how was it at the time and why did you choose it.

I will start my first year of residency this January. I want people to accept mental illness and accept me as a mental disease sufferer. But despite all the information I feel ashamed about my disease. But there aren't many medical students/doctors talking about their own issues openly.

mulan---------thank you so much for your questions...I wish I had some good answers...I still think being a GOOD doctor is a great thing...being able to help others who are suffering...whether it is psychiatry or surgery or a family doctor

i dont know why i wanted psychiatry....it was that or psychology...
i had a depression at age 19....and i had an unusual childhood...

i still feel ashamed of having a mental illness...my own family doesn't really understand what it is like....it can be awful... but now i am trying to tell everyone ...to help them understand..but when i speak up i hear mostly silence from others...they just dont want to hear...meanwhile lots of really good people are killing themselves...

the future should be really interesting for psychiatry and neuroscience.
please keep posting on this thread...it could be helpful for us and others

I have a mental illness....it is NOT MY FAULT..
but now I need to keep dealing with it as best I can...
others can help me....but I need to help myself now...
this is something that I have to keep telling myself at age 85...
I do not want to take myself down...I have a very unpopular illness...

IT WAS NOT MY FAULT....it happened out of the blue

If you want an interesting expert, Kay Redfield Jamieson is the foremost expert on bipolar depression , she hid her own including several hospital inpatient stays well in medical school, she has several books out on her own personal experience of becoming a Psychiatrist and leading expert on the disease . Most are available as paperbacks now,very good reads.

thanks mr pain.....dr Jamison is a very interesting person...I thought she was a psychologist....she is pretty definite about bipolar being a genetic disorder..
there are some problems maybe with this....do we really know definitely what causes bipolar...might there be different causes....I really am not sure...

I was depressed at 19....I went into psychiatry to find out the truth...not fiction...
I wanted so badly to be on the faculty of my university...I was for a short time..
but I had to leave...the chairman insisted on drug treatment for persons not needing drugs to recover...I was too vulnerable to fight this fight....but I can fight it now...
we are using drugs for everything and it will come back to bite us...

we have a very big drug problem out there...and I am not talking about street drugs..
[we have met the enemy and he is us]

fuzzy I just don't trust most persons out there that are supposed to be helping us..
I just looked at that study 329 and the restudy 329 in 2015 by the bmj about paxil..
we here need to be very very careful about our treatment...
it definitely needs to be whatever works for us...not for them...
it is time to hold hands and protect each other....

grrrrrrr Paxil was the med I was on for so long
(Before I became allergic to all of them..)

I don't trust most of them out there that are supposed to be helping us either
(((((((( little turtle ))))))))