confessions of little turtle

The system let my husband down as well - he too was a number and it was all about get in, get out, here are some meds and just quite your job . . . . . . thankfully, my husband was able to rely on family support systems, I being his number one support . . . . . but it was appalling to hear my husband say the therapist told him to just quit his job . . . . . I think it is very important to have (as mentioned earlier, LOVE) support systems that can hold you up when you are feeling down. There needs to be more empathy and understanding of the individual, not the quick fix of medication. Much love to you little turtle for having a heart <3

Much madness is divinest sense
To a discerning eye
Much sense the starkest madness
Tis majority
In this as all prevail
Assent and you are sane
Demure you're strait away dangerous
And handled with a chain.
-Emily Dickinson.

It's listed(billed) as 15 minutes...in reality despite the fact they are dispensing dangerous drugs it is often less than 15 minutes.

yes these drugs can be very dangerous....people forget about the black box warning on anti-depressants....they may lead to the risk of suicide...

I had one that caused me to hallucinate...I stopped it right then ....one caused me to have retrograde ejaculation...and they all put a stop to my sex life...that was a very big problem....they need to mention that along with the possible positive benefit....I also had help from anti-depressants but I kept them up much too long...I have used anti-depressants for years...I cant get off them...that is a big problem for me...

my latest breakdown was a very bad thing...I was disabled for almost 4 years...I was on social security disability....I never wanted anybody to know that I was getting money from my government....I knew what they would say...I had to leave practice....I couldn't do it...I still struggle with some guilt...that maybe I should have tried harder...but I just didn't want to be responsible for anybody...anymore....people don't like when you are not working...

so now I am coming closer to the end....I will be 85 yo in august...what a struggle with my mental illness...it wasn't pretty....but I have had a much better time since my last breakdown in 1973-77 than I ever thought possible...at that time I thought it was over...I wanted to die...it has been hard but I DO NOT WANT to die now...even tho the world is a mess and I am a mess I still want to live...I must have some hope...life is something else

((((((((( little turtle )))))))))))

I never ever CHOSE to have a mental illness...I do not wish that on anyone...not even those that I don't like...

I have only now read your post and I am so grateful that you are here. Thankyou for your comments and insights and strength. I think you are a marvellous human being to have done what you have done professionally and be able to admit that you suffer from a mental illness yourself.

The toll of your professional must have been tremendous but think of all the people you DID help, the numbers who found comfort and help and whose lives were better for having had you there to assist them.

I look forward to hearing more of your story and your insights. You are among friends.

sula b-------thank you so much for your kindness....I feel the most secure here with others who are suffering....we are together....we know what it is like..and we can tell the TRUTH ...that will help us heal some...you have helped me here with your kind words...

I just feel like crying this morning...there is so much trouble out there..
I feel so sorry for those that have been hurt...

this is not my mental illness talking...

this afternoon I know one of the reasons for crying....
I am sad and angry the way people are being drugged for everything...
and now the kids are being drugged for everything...
I really don't like anti-psychotic drugs being used for non-psychotic problems..I just don't like it...we have to go a different way...

here I am....almost 85 yo and I am terrified of dying....when I had a breakdown in 1973 I didn't want to live...what do you think of that....life is ????

Good that you love life. I am not afraid of death though. Death happens when it happens...

I am a very scared guy...I would like to live forever...but I don't believe that will happen for me...

((((((((( little turtle )))))))))

I don't want to live for ever, quite the opposite. If I was taken away tonight I would miss people but I don't want to stay

I'm scared too, I think my extreme anxiety has been worsened by long term use of psych meds, and some scary physical issues

I was talking to papa bear about something today... He has changed his mind.... He wants me to have peace (and I have not found peace on this planet, like Hercule I do not think I will..)

PS I wish I could give you some extra years.. I have no need for any more years

My next birthday in November is not a birthday I want

PS I'm "old" too... And bears are not supposed to live so long as humans. I've already outlived what was expected and wanted by me

fuzzy is my friend...

Thanks for being my friend little turtle

((((little turtle))))

Yeah, it's funny when I was younger death didn't scare me at all, now that I'm a SC it does.

ok ok enough of my bull....
I didn't choose to be born
I didn't choose my father
I didn't choose to have a mental illness
I didn't cause my mental illness
but I have to deal with my stuff
psychiatry is disordered..
I am going to deal with my real problems
I am going to be honest with myself
the truth will set me free

and i am through tellling others how to live

Little Turtle . . . . . you are brave

i wish....thanks yorkie..

I wish you live long enough to enjoy all that you want to.....

BTW how are you doing?

I cant believe what a depression can do to you...how it can take you down so far...so quick...I was in private practice of psychiatry with tremendous responsibility ...and then the very next day unable to function or take any responsibility...very dramatic

it is like cutting off your legs and then telling yourself to walk...even worse because we just don't understand what is going on up there in that brain...