Daily Check In, ups and downs #18

What I've done is just boil water and pour it down the drain. That works for me. But I think it's better to have someone work on it. They'll probably "snake" it down.

Thank you. I've heard of using boiling water before, but I totally forgot that, thank you for mentioning it!

Also baking sida plus vinager Clean Your Drains With Baking Soda and Vinegar - Surprise! |

yesterday 1 of my fave cds overheated and snapped right down the middle.

ugg. i managed to reorder it, (not that i can really aford it at this time, but what the hell). gaping hole in my collection

Which cd is it?

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So far this summer so good. I am making a real effort at finding activities. I notice on those days/periods where activities are lacking that I get lacklustre and tired. I will even obsess over what I am missing in life and what isn't so great. But my coping skills seem to be usefull. Still, the key to not being depressed seems to lay in the fact that I have been doing things

Today is starting out terribly. Woke up (both times) having SUI and SH fantasies. They bring a sense of longing, that I just want to give in and rest. But there is little in those fantasies I would be able to bring myself to do. But they tempt me anyway.

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Thank you, Clara.

Tempted here also sh and particularly su ideas..
But I'm invisible when I need "help" - uncared about and unheard (irl)
And papa bear must not know
Although he does know about one of my ideas, which would take a heck of a lot of work to do and he doesn't think it's possible..

Not doing so well today. I probably won't be able to get therapy for a while and my symptoms are pretty severe. Oh and my grandma asked me if I was drunk this morning because I guess my aunt thought I looked drunk. I did attempt to go to therapy slightly drunk. I'm kinda too ****ed up to be ashamed at this point.

Are you drinking to self-medicate yourself? Maybe if you have a pdoc they can start you on some meds, which may work better than alcohol. Either way, sending good thoughts and hugs.

A little relief today, I was able to put in a request to take next Monday off, giving me another 4-day weekend. I'm trying to get all my household stuff done this week at night so I don't have to do anything at all over the weekend, and I won't make myself feel guilty for sitting on my *** all day. We're going out Sunday, but other than that I just want to sleep and watch tv and play video games. Might even have to order food a couple of times just to avoid having to make food.

Yes. I drink to numb the depression and calm the anxiety but drinking actually makes anxiety symptoms worse afterwards. I just do it for those fleeting calm moments. For some reason I choose self-destructive ways of coping. I'm gonna try to sign up for DC medicaid again tomorrow so hopefully I can get back to therapy and taking my meds, maybe even rehab if necessary. Thanks for your support, I really do appreciate it.

First day of my new job.
My counselor called in sick today.
I bought a lawnmower for the first time in my life, and I know nothing about lawnmowers, and I felt pretty good about it. Which I realize might be a weird thing to feel good about but, you gotta find happiness in the little things.

I could have written that 100% about myself, when I was a binge drinker in my 20s. I hope you'll find something that works better, even rehab if you hate your drinking. It sounds like you have a lot more control than you think you do.

I think, without therapy, it's way too easy to choose self-destructive ways of coping. I've been struggling to get into a regular schedule with a therapist, and have only been able to get 2 appointments with a psychiatrist (who was terrible anyway). I always choose the self-destructive ways of coping, especially using drugs.

Hope you can find some relief soon.

I think this is probably true too..

(I've seen a couple of terrible therapists and more terrible doctors )

Good luck with finding a good therapist

I get depressed and triggered when I talk to my family of origin...

Everything is catching up to me again tonight. I feel like a complete failure as a person and a girlfriend. I keep having all these suspicions and worries about my boyfriend because of my own faults. I'm so afraid of going out this weekend and not being able to handle things again. I just want to sleep for days.

Today was very busy at work. I was on the go the whole day. It's been a long time since it's been like that. I had to make up for last Friday when I was not in.

I worked out and it went well. After the workout, everything went downhill. My two favorite shows that I watch in the early evening were off because of the Republican National Convention. And then I went to the pool area and it was pretty crowded. Lots of little kids and the same old bores that come down there on occasions.

Also my friend went out. He called me at an intermission from the concert he went to. I was not home when he called. I felt like talking to him tonight, but I would have rather he be home and have plenty of time to talk. Feeling very depressed tonight. I feel bad for dragging him into it. He doesn't understand my feelings and usually implies that it's my fault for feeling that way.

He hates me, he must. I hate me. I don't know why he keeps moving closer when I'm pulling away. I don't get why he doesn't hate me for ruining everything. How can love persist when the person you love turns into someone else?

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such a dull, boring day today.

on here to get me through

I deserve to die.