relapse........

ok, i'm so relapsing, been having suicidal ideations , i havent had them in years........... been getting very heavy depression......... in bed all day kinda thing......... have thoguht about a hosital, but........ i can't see how they could help at all...........its just way too overwhelming and being borderline doens't help, neither does an assault qnniversary in july.......

lil help??

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.

Cleo

One important thing is that you recognize what is happening and can therefore take action to prevent it.

I urge you to contact a doctor, a hotline, or try the hospital. It's their job to worry about what they can do for you, not yours. That's what they're there for, to help, and to use their experience and knowledge to help even with things you can't imagine would be helpful. The only thing certain is that by NOT doing anything, nothing will get better, only worse.

Best of luck and please keep us informed with what's going on. If you do try a hospital we'll be here and always will be here thinking of you and here to give support when you need it.

Good luck

{{{{{{{{cleo}}}}}}}}

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--http://www.idexter.com

the hospitals cant help though............. they can't love me........... i havent felt any safer in them, i feel worse, i get scared when i feel locked up/......

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.

Okay, a hospital might not be what you need. Do you have a therapist? The thing to do is to reach out to someone who can help you, and let them know that you need some help. Telling us here is a start, but you need to get treatment. If you aren't going to act on that suicical ideation, and you don't want to be in a hospital, they won't make you. I've had some pretty bad suicidal ideation and nobody ever wanted to put me in a hospital.

Keep talking to us here, but find some help in real life too, ok?
{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

Rap's right in that you might not need hospitalization. IMHO. Many times we allow our minds to think the worst-case scenario to prevent ourselves from seeking the real help we need.

BUT remember that a hospital is NOT there for long term treatment (and that includes loving)... a hospital stay is only for crisis time help. It is a place to be safer while the long term arrangments/ plans can be formulated: begin meds, arrange outside therapy sessions, etc.

Your depression PREVENTS you from thinking of anything good to do for yourself. That's why we have Therapists... and that's who you should seek help from.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Hi cleo

I am sorry that you feel so badly. But again, please remember that it is the depression that makes everything seem so negative. I'd bet that you could have a billion people lined up to express their love for you and you would still feel alone and unloved. That's what depression does.

The goal of treatment should be to help lift the cloud of darkness so that you can see the people that love you. More importantly you will learn to love yourself. Without that, the love of others is insignificant, with that, your happiness doesn't ebb and flow based on the attention you are getting from others.

You are a remarkable person who does deserve to be loved by others, and more importantly deserves to love yourself.

At risk of sounding like a broken record... whatever reasons you have that treatment will not provide what you need, doing nothing will MOST ASSUREDLY not provide what you need, whatever that is and whatever you think that may be.

Please seek some help, you deserve it as you deserve to feel better about yourself and your life. Good luck.

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--http://www.idexter.com

i've got a therapist i see him twice a week, i see my psychiatrist twice a month, ....... i've got help, but..........i need more. i need support outside of the professionals....... i need love......... i need someone to love me

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.

Have you talked to your therapist about how bad you feel or do you try to hide it from him? Has he been any help with the stuff you are feeling?

It could be time to consider changing therapists if this one isn't really helping. Or else you may need to open up more to this one.

Have you been to a support group to complement the therapy? It took me a few tries to find a good support group but I have one now that meets every Friday. It really helps to be around people who can relate to and understand your problems. This place is really great but is not a substitute for being around real people.

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--http://www.idexter.com

You are right. Social support is important too. You can get some of that here. Can you think of any ways to develop your support network in real life? Do you have family or friends around? If not, what do you think you might be able to do to make more friends?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy (you can consider me a friend )

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

no, no family no freinds, i dont' know how to make freinds, dont' know how ot keep them, i'm not grown up, and i refuse to grow up in a dr's office...... i need a father........... and all the support groups i've tried are full or they already started or they dont' have enough people...........or they're wayyyyyyy accross town.......

i hate this

and yes, i tell my t and my doc nearly absolutely everything.

i mean i don't want to kill myself, but i sure as hell do not want ot live tlike this, this isn't living......
it's liek its the same day over and over and over and over and over......

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.

I didn't know how to make friends. I learned through the e-mail and internet groups I got involved with. It has carried over into real life. So, being involved on sites like this one can help you to learn about making friends. As for needing a father, I know, I'll loan you BP. I'm always looking for substitute fathers. My real father lives on his own planet somewhere, although he looks like he's here on earth. Maybe nothing's quite like the real thing, but maybe you can develop a relationship with someone - a church leader, teacher, or other role model, who can give you some of what your father should have.

Support groups can be scary, but they are another good way to work on making friends. If you get a chance, give it a try. Don't defeat yourself with impossibilities when there is probably a way to work it out somehow. I know, everything seems impossible when you are depressed, but it's generally an illusion.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} It will get better.

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>